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Cool! 😁 Good night! 😊

Visualization Progress Report for Past Week: I did a session earlier in the week during the day with Verres. The window blinds were open so the lighting condition was bright in the room. I did my warmups while laying on my bed, and got sleepy during it. When they were done, I got up to do my imposition practice with her, and was in a very groggy state of mind. In the area where she was supposed to be sitting in the chair, I saw a weird visual phenomenon that appeared physical and lasted somewhere between 10+ seconds to maybe up to a minute or so. It was like a really intense version of visual snow, with patches of the air before me appearing physically blotchy and with shifting patterns of some kind. It felt like there was a vague outline of Verres sitting before me, and the blotchy patch of air was in turn confined within her outline. The whole thing felt like a visual glitch one might see in a video game. A character was not displayed properly, and only isolated patches of their surface texture or skin was rezzed in a bugged manner, while the rest of the character was not depicted at all. The visible, but glitchy, part of the character was still therefore confined within their outline. This was a very unusual incident and the first of its kind for me. The phenomenon lasted long enough for me to have the time to physically look at it, confirm that it indeed appeared physical, and get an idea on its size and outline. Logically this incident is a sign of good progress and should make me feel really hopeful, but I have been pretty calm about it and have gone on with my practices as normal. A less bizarre phenomenon that occurred this week was during yet another warmup session, where I again fell into a sleepy state and managed to see very clearly parts of my wonderland, similar to what one might encounter in a lucid dream. The rest of the week had been uneventful. I noticed I have the habit of focusing on my tulpas' torso or even legs when I'm sitting before them, like I'm uncomfortable staring straight at their face similar to how I can get when dealing with people in real life. I've began to change this habit by spending time gazing at my tulpas' faces (or where their face should be) during imposition practice. This has been helpful to make the presence of their faces and heads clearer. It has also led to my looking a lot more in their eyes and working on their visuals and presence/feelings. From time to time during my day I would still try to impose their forms or presence about me. The tulpas in turn have continued to show up seemingly of their own will. They don't fight for their spots, but rather than two of them appearing together I've noticed one of them canceling their physical presence when the other wants to impose themselves. This seems to be a behavior that arose naturally between the two of them. Imposing two presences at once is still something harder for me to do. I've continued trying to do my sessions with varying levels of daylight in the room. It feels like it helps. There were a couple of times when it felt like there were very faint outline of the tulpas that I could feel, but nothing super concrete like what I've described above and in the previous weeks. The tulpas' presence and mental images I get of them during my imposition practice have developed more movement. They are not just quietly sitting there anymore, but would have shifts in their postures, the occasional crossed legs, foot placed on the chair, and other movements or gestures with their hands. This had developed gradually over the course of the past few weeks, and makes them feel quite different from when they were just a sort of blobby presence before me. Miscellaneous Stuff: I noticed odd emotions being aroused when I went through my old yearbooks, and worked through them with Saeya and the Mace Energy Method. It feels when I need their help working on something, they would just offer to do it as part of the time slot dedicated to their sessions. Who gets what spot or who might end up missing a session is less important when something about me comes up. Generally nowadays they are a lot more chill about the matter of fairness or time allocation between them. Like they know they're both important and practice sessions with them are not as much of a symbol for that anymore. I went to get a haircut at a local salon, and imposed Verres there as I waited. Having other customers nearby helped with the process a lot, it provided references and overall made her presence quite strong and detailed there. I went to Wal-Mart today, and Saeya declared it as her turn to be imposed in the store, because I'm too lazy to keep proper track and Verres usually ends up getting more turns. Neither Verres nor I had issues with her reasoning, so it just naturally became Saeya's turn. We caught a snippet of a buff, tattooed man having an argument with his girlfriend or spouse on the phone, and Saeya found it really interesting for some reason.

Thanks for your input, fennecfoxx. And no I am not letting host join your club, unless you rename it to “hosts trying their best”. Host forbid(or rather I forbid host) he gets more reinforcement about his inadequacy. Host just reminded me that he now runs on logic and doesn’t feel bad for himself like at all, and I give him plenty of affirmation regardless. I still maintain that he deserves more. (He deserves everything and yes one person cannot deserve everything, yes I am being illogical, and no host I will never give up this notion stop trying to persuade me about it.)

Made ourself a lil new phone background too Now I will sleep though

Parroting is deliberate. Same difference, at least early on. There's nothing special about how I was created that makes me different from any other imaginary friend except that my host left a little too much control to their imagination, and, within months, I was completely out of their conscious control. We didn't know what a tulpa was back then, just overactive imagination. Parroting is a valid way to make a tulpa, by the way. Like I said, parroting is deliberate. Either it's him or it's an intrusive thought. Ask if you're not sure, but you shouldn't worry much about that unless you have reason to suspect it (like if he acts out of character).

Awesome!

No luck with lucid dreaming last night, but last night was the third night in a row I shared a dream with one of my tulpas. (That is, if you count me waking up in the night and writing "Alex?" in my dream journal with no further context before making notes about a different dream. I assume that means I dreamt about him. Neither of us could remember it by morning.) I didn't do any visualization practice (as in, trying to improve my visualization skills), but the three of us spent most of the car ride hanging out in the headspace when I wasn't chatting with family. My mind kept wandering at times, like it's always been prone to. It's weird how conversation can seamlessly turn into "internal monologue but the POV keeps shifting". I don't remember us communicating (thinking?) this way much back in the day, but I think it was something I tried to avoid because that isn't how you're "supposed" to talk to your tulpas. I don't remember, though I think our communication does have a different flavor now than back then because we embrace the weirdness that comes with sharing a brain instead of trying to force it away.

Looks cool but I hope they're keeping a lot of characters under waps. I mean, there's only one from the Legend of Korra.

mhmmm, it seems it will on july 23rd it's listed on steam for pre-purchase for 29.99

I had to look it up, but it looks fun! I hope they release it for PC

Oh? I have heard about it. I'll have to look it up. Edit: ninja'd, kinda still fits, lol.

But it is - It happens once every 6, 7 years in Astral Equestria, don't miss it!

@mattx hm that does makes sense, since it is a new thing for me. Just feel like i might be overthinking this lol. thank you though!

poor crew T_T it wasn't in vain at least, i await their final fate definitely! and thank youuu and oh yeah haha, i remember that. that also sounds like fun the new avatar the last airbender fighting game looks kinda fun (i've just seen a few shorts but it looks cool)

Oh, lol! Was not expecting the tulpa festival.😁 I wish that was a thing.

It doesn't matter one bit, especially at the earliest stage. You're training your brain to do something it has never done before, so even if it isn't the tulpa yet but just you / your expectation, it still works towards meaningful progress. Don't worry about it. If it helps, my tulpa when she started "being vocal" in the earliest of days sounded quite "distorted", and would send "meanings" rather than full words, it sounded like this: (which is also my fav song)

I had to make it. (in honor of pratoohlf)

Recently, I've been having cases where while actively forcing Avery and I sometimes get a response. Usually its very quiet, and I struggle to tell if it was myself parroting that response, or if it was Avery, attempting to reply. This 'reply' (?) is (like stated before) pretty quiet and tends to be only a single word reply. I try to tell him that if it was him that replied, that I heard him, but im not sure if I need to do this though. Now, I have this feeling that it might be him replying, but I also feel like it could just be me assuming that it was him, but it was just a subconscious reply that i made to myself. Usually this happens once every other session (at least that's what I've noticed). Are there any ways I could tell that it was him or just me replying for him?

Warfare? What warfare?

I've had more false starts than I can count in tulpamancy, being consistent isn't my strong suit. Besides, you forgot to log in the PR about how Kayleigh gave me tinnitus for two weeks straight, thankfully she stopped. Remote mental warfare is something to journal on for sure.

Congrats! 😊 Wow, that is a lot of chaos too! I'm guessing it didn't end well. 😅 Lol! Lol! That sounds fun though. 😁

What's worse, declaring your goals and hardly following through or just posting casual life updates at your own pace? Yours at least wouldn't be a series of false starts.

Sounds like you're being hard on yourself, you're not the BBC so you can do whatever you want with your progress, at any pace. Without mentioning the reasons your PR restarted in August last year (and February of this year) - that would be my "worry" too - being ADHD fueled I'd have a really hard time following up on any goals... and what meaningful goals would there be anyways to achieve for us? Literally the PR would be something like: "Hey! We are working at *place*, I didn't sleep, Cheryl is calling me a somaro for not sleeping, also yelling at me not to use my phone while driving! She's cute as usual. Ok bye" it would become more like a Tumblr blog (remember those) than a meaningful progress report. I can't even set myself up for some nifty goals because my life's totally unbalanced and work-dedicated currently - besides my lack of discipline which "stops" me from doing anything meaningful with what little free time I have left. Funfact: I have in my backups a document called "Memories" - which I started in 2016 (in a hostel in Edinburgh of all places) and is a book-form progress report of things that happened between me and Cheryl, often written in third person in a sort of "novel" fashion. So far there are about 8 chapters and I was planning to write more (but hey, I forgot about it) - I might make an anonymous book out of it someday (at some point it was also posted here, but I removed it) - here's a snippet for the curious