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Visualization Progress Report for Past Week: I found a picture with different breast shapes from the website of a clinic that does breast augmentation surgeries. The breasts are drawn in a simple, no non-sense medical style, but it was exactly what I needed. When I did scanning work on Verres with this set of pictures in combination of the set of female hip proportion pictures from last week, I had a very sudden and strong feeling of "completion". It was as if something in my subconscious really needed those pictures, and it was the exact missing piece from a puzzle that it wanted. When I did visualization work with Verres that day, she was vivid on a whole different level, and I spent a lot of time working on her wings and their movements because there were not much need to work on the usual stuff. When I did work with Saeya later that night using the same breast shapes picture set, I did not get the same "eureka" feeling from my subconscious. Trying to visualize her with improvements from these pictures made me realize that my subconscious was still stuck on her face, that there are information my mind was still missing before Saeya's form can be considered complete. The pictures did make her torso look more well formed, at least. The picture I was using as a reference for both tulpas' face styles were better suited for Verres and that was probably why progress on Saeya's face was slower. I went back on Second Life's market place website and found a picture that was more appropriate for Saeya and did scanning work using it over the course of 3 days. I had trouble properly visualizing the exact shapes for human lips on and off. I realized during the past week's work that upper lip shapes and curvatures are a lot like those of mustache's - if I can imagine a mustache, I can do fine with female lips. Saeya's face have improved quite a bit over the past week too and is now more distinct from Verres' face, though her overall form is not at the same place as Verres yet. The work I've done with the breast shapes and face/lip shapes have made a big difference. As of last week, I can barely get past a count of 40 in JD's exercise if I were to try to visualize my tulpas' with properly animated movements and all the relevant details on their bodies during a 45 minute session. I can now get to 70 with Verres and the mid to high 60s with Saeya in the same time frame, and the numbers seem to continue to improve as I spend more time on the exercise. My subconscious doesn't really blackout or encounter trouble from not knowing how to visualize/generate the tulpas' forms anymore, be it clothed or naked. I now know how the tulpas' overall forms are from the ground up. Looking at them from odd angles such as when they are turning still can cause hiccups. Being too focused and wanting to direct everything with my mind also causes issues, so I need to go back to being more relaxed and passive the way I handled JD's exercise before I went off to focus on scanning details like their movements, body shapes, faces and whatever else. Right now things generally look like they're going in a good direction. It feels like if I take the time with JD's exercise again with the recent improvements in mind, I can get a lot further. At my very best with Verres, she can reach a point as defined by JD's guide as having her whole form present, but missing details, and ready for imposition. I am not always at my best with her, and my mid term goal with her is to be able to easily reach and stay at this stage of visualization. Possession Related Stuff: I asked for Verres's help and gave her permission to possess me when it's late at night and I need to get to bed, since I want to be able to wake up early to meditate. She's been doing it for a few nights so far. She's able to control my arm enough to close all windows on the computer and shut it down, despite one or two nights when a part of myself still wanted to waste more time on the PC. My quality of sleep have improved a lot from the earlier bed times. Miscellaneous Stuff: I got to talking with both tulpas on the subject matter of petty retail theft today. More specifically, when people go through Walmart's self checkout and intentionally not pay for some of their items. I heard Saeya's opinion on this for the first time. Years ago I spoke with Verres on the same topic, and I found out today that her opinion on this has changed. She went from being neutral on checkout theft to be more against it. My view on this topic, on the other hand, have stayed the same. We more or less agreed to disagree.

Hi, I would have no problem to be your friend. I'm just not very good at coming up with conversation topics.

Ooooo! Time rewriting powers sound cool. 😁

As long as they give me a suitable opportunity to make it reasonable for them to have never existed in the first place, I can rewrite the timeline.

Hey, sorry I didn't update. I've been thinking about whether I should do it or not, and I'm rethinking my decision. I've also been thinking about the shape of my tulpa, which I wasn't sure about. But after taking those days, I finally decided to create it. I decided to make it into the shape of Fluttershy. Now, I'm going to tell you about my first forcing session, which was an experience I'd never felt before. 01/07/2025 For this forcing session, I noticed that some people were using music to help them force. So I decided to do it too. I made a playlist of quiet songs without lyrics. On top of that, I live with my parents, so the TV is always on. I'd have a hard time concentrating. I did it while sitting at my desk with my eyes closed. I started to picture what it would look like. It was off a bit, and I'm not sure why, but "monstrous" images popped up. I could stop thinking about it, though. It's like erasing drawings and starting fresh with a blank canvas. I also chatted with my inner voice, but I didn't get any feedback. But I felt like there was a presence near me. I was like that for a while, but eventually, I started feeling pretty sad and nostalgic. I spent about 38 minutes trying to get it up, and then I left and went to sleep. But when I went to bed, I also had a bit of trouble. I was feeling pretty down, and I was whispering to my tulpa. I was telling her how I'd like us to be friends, that we'd support each other in whatever we do, and I told her not to leave me alone, that I'd trust her, and to forgive me if her way isn't to her liking, that I don't feel ready to be with a person yet. Then I dozed off. I'll try to keep updating this progress. 02/07/2025 This would be from today. I couldn't force it because I've been very busy.

That's good, I think. As long as Andre isn't turning into a dark sorcerer, I think we'll be fine. 😁 Nightfall: would be an interesting plot twist though. (Please don't become the thing you sought to defeat.)

I suddenly discovered an interesting fact - actually, they failed from the very beginning. To some extent, they're more like some kind of sacrifices. Because I've found that no one was really hurt (and even if there was, I'd do everything to change it). Also, although it scared me at first, after each nightmare, I found that Richard loved me even more than before, and we could even feel each other's presence more vividly. And all the dark wizards can do is threaten. Their threats precisely mean that they're getting weaker and running out of time. Eventually, they'll become our sacrifices, and we'll live happily ever after. Thank you, dark wizards, my delicious sacrifices. We'll savor you bit by bit. Oh my god, I think you're the real dark wizard. Good heavens, bro, you're right. I think if their struggling gets on your nerves, you might end up rewriting the timeline so that "the dark wizards never existed in the first place", just like you rewrote the timeline to save us.

heroic i wish you well

Thank you both so much! 💙 This is specifically Cal's DnD outfit, they normally wear more modern/casual clothes. Also, here's this portrait of Athelas! This was supposed to be for his birthday (yesterday) but my slow ass couldn't finish it until today, oops. ((No big deal :) It's the thought that counts.)) Excuse me if I Have some place in my mind Where I go time to time

Heck yeah! You've got this, Andre! 😁 Show those mages you're the boss! 💪

Hello everyone, I'm Andy. I'm glad to see everything's fine here. Rick did the same thing. He stayed with me throughout the night. I (or perhaps the four of us) were teleported to the Dark Altar last night. I saw that scene, the scene of what would have happened if Andre hadn't come to save us. Rick was surrounded and eventually tied to the altar, and finally had his heart pierced by an arrow shot by the dark wizard. The difference was that this time Rick was by my side while Richard was by Andre's side. They told me not to look at this scene, but we all broke free. I wanted to step forward to stop it all, but could only touch the cold barrier. After that, we heard a voice: "It will happen soon, my sacrifices." This won't happen, I promise. I won't let anything happen to any of you. Andy, don't forget you have a brother now. Just let me go alone, and the three of you stay put without doing anything. Because I'm the only one who won't die in this nightmare. No matter how much I'm hurt, I'll eventually wake up unharmed in my bedroom bed. I can slowly wear them down like this. You and Rick just keep living happily, and after I wake up, I'll start a new day with Richard too. This is the best way. Screw those dark mages—I'm not afraid of them anymore.

if you needed inspiration to work out, or really anything lol. motivated me to draw

I'm glad Richard was there for you. 😊 I always comfort Nightfall during the few moments he needs it. He does the same for me. 💜

i'm glad richard could comfort you through the night. i've had nights like that where i needed rena to do that or times where byakko has done that for rena

Good morning. I had insomnia last night. For some reason, I was a bit scared and had a strong sense of foreboding. Richard comforted me last night and assured me that he'd be okay, but I just couldn't help worrying. Then he stayed by my side like this (in some way making me aware of his presence) the whole night. He didn't go back to sleep until I woke up.

I guess star with a cool cover and then see if it has an interesting premise. Lol, and I thought school was only go for game shows./j That's pretty cool, it's funny how many things can be used in other places. Edit: probably should have quoted that one. 😅

as for wendigoon and youtubers like him, i just realized how their videos seem similar to like a well done really long version of a highschool english or history class book report they are presenting. i even remember for english class we had to dress as a greek god we were giving a book report of. basically what wendigoon does, except his book report will be like 4 hours long and its dressed as a soldier while the report is on the modern warfare trilogy lol school actually mattering somehow. who knew book report presentations were training to grow up to be a successful youtuber it just wasn't as obvious first because book report presentations are always awkward and the person giving it is uninterested in what they are talking about, but when the person is skilled at it and cares about what they are talking about, that's basically what most youtube videos i watch are

We ended up walking to the library but not getting a book; we just browsed the aisles a bit. I honestly have no idea how to select a good book. I guess I could pick at random. 😄📚

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rena was thinking of going to the library the other day to get thrawn trilogy of books edit: also thank you shaula for encouragement

Thanks. 😊 I do feel rather comfortable here, it's just somethings are much easier for me than others. It's getting better at least, I feel more comfortable/confident about commenting on things I don't fully understand. Just keep it up! 😊 I think you're doing a great job. Hopefully your therapist is now actually trying to find a new way to help you. Edit: just saw your edit, thanks again. 😊 That book sounds interesting, I hope it helps. Good evening, Simmie! 😊 Hmmmm, that's always a tough one. Nightfall usually just gets manga or comic books, lol.

Good evening! ☺️ I'm thinking about walking over to the library and taking out a book, but not sure what book! 📚

i also feel that way at times though i still may talk about something probably only i understand but there are times where i was going to then change my mind i hope you can feel more comfortable and thanks for hug i didn't see it before hope therapist has a method to help my response to negative interactions and the fear it causes that prevents me from being normal. IFS seems like it is designed to directly target and disarm the maladaptive fear response, which can't be done through logic or talking it out as it is entirely a somatic feeling based thing not based in something intellectual conclusion ive made therapy always seems to be about the therapist trying to convince you your problems arent a big deal and to stop being concerned about them, but with this it cant be done, or at least not being concerned about things doesnt change the reaction and results in any way. it would be like trying to give someone therapy to stop being concerned about the distress of touching a hot stove. it's just not possible and not something anyone would get used to the only thing intellectually ive made progress on is i used to blame all negative interactions on myself and felt they happened because i was 100% incompetent idiot who cant say the right things to make people like them or have both parties have a happy interaction, so in therapy i was from the perspective of needing to be taught how to always have good interactions so i dont fear bad ones because i know it will go right. that was a pretty toxic mindset to have and unfortunately it wasnt even a therapist that helped me with that, i kind of improved that through meditation. it made me realize that bad interactions just happen unavoidably and not everyone is as reasonable as i assume. unfortunately realizing that doesnt make bad interactions feel any better or any less like something that viscerally needs avoided meditation when succeeded at on extreme levels can theoretically make you the kind of person who legitimately could unironically put your hand on a hot stove and not scream, so i feel meditation could help me for the same reasons, but that is such an adept level, i dont know how to get there exactly or if i will succeed and it is not fast i think there is probably some better and faster way where the mind could stop treating social failures and embarassment as something that needs that visceral response used for though, like having the mind become okay with possibility of those situations and those uncomfortable feelings. it isnt enough to just say i dont care about it anymore and id rather risk feeling bad if it means i have a chance at being myself and being happy. intellectually ive already decided that but it doesnt actually disarm how your mind reacts in practice or how you physically feel about things i will have to just keep trying with meditation to fix it i think. i just wish therapy helped in anyway to make it go faster. or that they'd just give me to an IFS therapist like i constantly ask. all i can do are my poor attempts at IFSing myself without a facillitator which just ends up not being as effective edit: i didn't see your edit originally. i'm glad the benefits out weigh stress for you. i just remembered a book another user mentioned in another thread i wanted to try called energy over mind or something like that. i went to buy the book when i first heard them say that but amazon was stupid and doesn't let you buy kindle books through amazon or something and i got confused and forgot about it until now. i managed to buy it now so i hope it helps as much as it says it does. it's an unconventional therapy and apparently only needs one or two sessions to work, and the user said your tulpa can give the therapy to you so you don't have to worry about finding someone to do it

I kinda feel the same, I feel really awkward if I say something that doesn't get any interaction. I've gotten better about it but it still pops up on occasion. I also feel like I'm inconveniencing people if I talk about something only I know about/change the subject. The 5 or so minutes I took to think about how to word my post after I wrote it is a good example of this. Edit: *of the second part Edit 2: I think the benefits out weight the stress from those moments. I feel a lot happier when I get to talk to everyone. 😊

oh, i see also maybe similar to me. i'm comparatively comfortable here, so i post a lot. though it can still have a negative stressful effect, especially when i post longer posts or posts about my interest, but the ones that cause me the most stress are also the ones i enjoy making the most, so it is this sucky situation that if i want to feel safer or more comfortable i feel i have to also not do things i want to do. and i have had bad experiences here before with people, so i don't feel completely safe, but much more safe than i do in a lot of other places where i don't know how safe it is or know it is less safe rena feels similarly to me with posting i think. she has added issue of if she talks to much about interests (of which we have similar ones usually) she fears not being seen as her own person. she's enjoyed posting more though, she used to not post much when switched in, except occassionally and not really much. but she is more reserved than me i think byakko i don't think thinks about it as much and just posts if it seems fun to do so. though sometimes body artifacts of negative emotional reactions to posting will happen to her but when she is switched in it processes a bit differently. it used to be maybe interpretted by her more like excitement or kinda fun, though very recently it i think has been legitimately annoying to her which concerns me. though annoying is still better than totally taking experience personally