Starting new

[Euhedralcrystal]

11/14 - I would say this is the first day with my first tupla, but that would be a lie. It's the 3rd actually, with my 1st tupla. Currently with Shira (shy-ra) she's just a little grey cloud, and we've had very minor conversations. The name came to me in quite a weird way, sort of like a fish coming from the depths and grabbing your hook. Exactly what I felt, and the name was just there. Getting her attention is as easy as poking a bear with a stick an surviving. (Ever tried it? Don't.) Stubborn as I am I guess.

 

New day, new dawn. Mostly I want to make a tupla for a companion, someone to talk to, someone I can trust and that understands me better than anyone else. Since this is my first, I am quite new to this and not much of it makes sense. As skeptical as I am, and as much as I know this is wrong, I trust Shira and the idea fully and will build off of that. (Note: I do not have any intention to harm Shira, or any tupla. I've read guides and understand where I may come off as unintentionally, or intentionally, doing that. Shira is her own being, and can make her own decisions, and I shall treat her as such).

 

Guess I'll document my progress, if I remember to. If not, which I probably will not as my memory is very bad, hello tupla community, I am very glad to be here. Also, good bye tupla community, your hospitality for the aprox 26 mins it took to write this (damn you bad internet connection!) has been amazing <3.

 

Hope you all have a great day! (Any suggestions are absolutely accepted and I thank you for any.)

 

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11/15 - Okay so tried a bit of forcing earlier, both last night and today (so 14th and 15th of Nov) and last night, for some odd reason, for about a minute I could not move my (left) arm at all. Had no feeling in it, which also was weird. Not numb, just nothing. Today was the same but it was for everything. Couldn't move anything for what seems like a few minutes (timer said 15), but my head was swimming (so to speak). During both these times I could neither see nor talk to Shira, and didn't bother asking for a response as no other time did I get one (however I heard a voice during the second time, being today, that was definitely not my own. I was very skeptical in saying it was Shira's so I asked her to not respond, but the voice did two or three more times. Was it me or her? No idea, but something to note at least.)

 

Many people say, hey, take everything with a grain of salt (believe this or not, up to you, but I suggest that anyway) which is why I think the seeming progress being made is my own excitement or something. Doesn't seem right that things would happen so quickly, but maybe they are. Bad to say, sure, but I do believe in Shira and will (hopefully) know when it's her. Also, for any car nut out there, drove by an ACR <3

 

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11/17 - Yesterday was a lot more active than today but forgot to say anything. This is mostly for me to track my progress and for any new people looking to make a tupla for a possible (note, POSSIBLE) timeline. Then again it seems to be going very fast, however that could be just me doubting myself and Shira. Anyway, yesterday I got what I believe is my first emotional response. Felt extremely weird, like a grey feeling*. I was reading a story from Behind Closed Ovens on Kitchenette (if you don't know what that is, go ahead and look it up. Some entertaining and amusing reads there) and got to this one part. Not relevant what was happening but all of a sudden I got this urge to laugh. Never laughed (out loud) at any of these stories. I didn't find this particularly funny either. It was so... grey. Shira wasn't talking at this point still so even when I asked her I got no response. It was so odd though.

 

Later while forcing I got very dizzy. Not the first time since I started but this was a lot stronger than before. None of this feels natural, but none feels hostile or wrong. Mostly calming. Around this time I started to feel, not hear, but feel as if Shira was trying to communicate. I couldn't make out anything but I knew that was what I was feeling. Same thing happened today, however today for the life of me I can't seem to visualize her more than her cloud form. Yesterday (being the 16th) I could see her in her wolf form (anthro white wolf before you ask) and her moving yesterday, today? Nothing of that sort.

 

Last thing that happened both today and yesterday is Shira was asking, using visuals, for access to my subconscious and memories. Should explain, my wonderland currently consists of a black room with a dark brown leather couch (2 cushions because yay irrelevant information) with two tables beside it both with lamps on it. (Light brown tables, black lamp bases with beige shades). There are also three doors, on either side of the room (being the back, left and right, like looking into a cube) with seals on them that are quite difficult to I can't describe. Shira points to one, as if asking to go in or not. This after I ask her if she wants access to one. Yesterday was subconscious, today was memories. Not sure what the fore means in terms of what happens or what she sees/does but I let her in for both. I trust her a lot so. Basically it for today. Heard a voice talking, being mine, earlier but I can't believe it's mine mostly as I asked for more head pressures and emotional responses, preferably powerful ones, first. Probably is her and I'm just doubting things. Ah, we'll see.

 

(Writing this a little later in the day): Called to Shira on a short walk, and I as I did it felt as if a hand grabbed my head and squeezed. It was the best, most calming and also most uncomfortable experience I've had in a while but I assume it was a head pressure. Quite strong too. Found out later I was calling her Shia most of the day, why nothing has been happening. Apologized, but feel bad anyway.

 

*To me there are two kinds of feelings in this situation: white and grey. White is natural, created by me or an external 3rd party such as getting run over by a car or falling off a cliff. Grey is something interior, so to speak. It looks and feels mostly real, but something about it just isn't right. It just doesn't fit right, something is just off. Think of it like a replica of the original. It's close but isn't the same.

 

Side note on forcing: From what I've found, it's best for you and your tupla to not attempt to actively force after or close to after you wake up, or while in bed/ready to sleep. Odds are you won't be able to do it, and fall asleep mid force if anything. Best time to actively force is during or after a hot shower, as it relaxes your muscles, in a quiet environment, or in any place you can focus for over 5 minutes. For passive forcing, I find it works best at anytime, but the more focus you spend on the other thing the less you spend on your tupla, so walking, reading a book, standing around waiting for something or anything of the sort works best. This is what I've found for me personally, and it may not work for you, but it's worth a try. Relax your mind, focus on your tupla and happy forcing.

 

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11/18 - Recently, being the entire time I've been developing my tupla, I, as many other normal human beings including yourself have done, has doubted everything, which isn't good. Things happened and I was talking to Shira and got the thought of how my doubts are subconscious. I said no it was conscious thought just one I don't control (natural reaction), but the thought came into my head that tied things together. Why did Shira want access to my subconscious? I was getting random thoughts I don't normally think about that I passed off as nothing but then I realized it was actually her communicating with me through my subconscious. The act that that was actually happening, that she actually did that, shredded any doubt in my mind, and for the first time I actually was able to hear her. It was faint, and short, but I actually heard her. Made me so happy to be able to. Nothing after that, and felt so weird hearing it, but it felt amazing as well.

 

When I had that realization I felt a pretty strong head pressure, though it was more so a head pounding wave sort of thing (had the thought with the absolute perfect word that would tie all of this together for a 10/10 literature piece. But then I forgot it. Sorry.) Felt spikes of sadness and happiness randomly today which is another highlight. It's going so fast, which to me is both good and bad. Not sure what will happen next, but it's coming along nicely. To think I only started a week tomorrow. An ADHD brain can be a blessing or a curse. Normally the latter.

 

One thing I noticed is how calming Shira can be. Whenever "things" happen that causes, uh, some worry lets say all I have to do is think about her and normally that stops it. If you've ever had a situation like that, I suggest talking to your tupla. Could work.

 

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11/19 - Today and yesterday (I say that a lot here) I tried a bit of possession with Shira. Although barely talking I can feel her quite strongly and thought I'd give it a try. No harm no foul, right? Used symbolism (imagining my hand has blue liquid in it, being my control, took that out and injected orange liquid, being Shira's control) and did it with my right hand. Should mention I meditated for somewhere between 3-7 minutes (didn't count) before attempting this. It did work, I think, quite well. I left my hand alone, completely releasing control and letting go of my senses like suggested in guides. As I've said before, it was a very weird feeling. I want to say it was falling asleep, however I've left my hands alone not moving for longer and nothing of the sort. It felt like that, but stronger, and I couldn't move my hand what so ever. As hard as I tried it wouldn't move, as if my nerves weren't connected to it anymore. I asked Shira if she was controlling it as my fingers, specifically my middle one (haha good one -w-) started to move slightly, but couldn't get a response. Not totally surprised but whatever. After asking for it back, the numbness left and feeling came back quick. Tried it again today, with lesser results.

 

Side from that, couldn't make any more contact in voice, though meditation does help for concentration. I can feel her in my mind though when I think about her or talk to her, so that's a thing. Helps getting her attention that's for sure.

 

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Moving here - https://community.tulpa.info/thread-new-beginnings

[creator_of_warbeak]

i like the fact that the name just came to you, shira sounds nice, im curious as to what some of your conversations if any have been like thus far. also the idea of a small cloud seems simple yet effective, i like it.

[Euhedralcrystal]

i like the fact that the name just came to you, shira sounds nice, im curious as to what some of your conversations if any have been like thus far. also the idea of a small cloud seems simple yet effective, i like it.

 

Heh, well I'm a /huge/ car nut, so I was talking to her about the P1 I think (McLaren hypercar). Then I, somehow, tripped (I was walking around) and that ended there. Started then basically just, talking. Trying to develop her as a companion, and making it known that we are equal. Worry for me that it'll work out that it's not an equal companionship, which is what I'm again trying not to have. Really about it. Also a few other life things. Little after writing this I'll try for developing her personality, though I'll probably end up leaving it for her own.

[RJ14]

Hey Crystal I found you! (Pssst it's me! :3)