Drake's First AND Second Tulpa Journey

[VRDrake]

About 4 to 5 years ago, I did a lot of research into Psionics, specifically creating "Programs" or "Applications" with the mind, to accomplish different means (Think an empath who uses their mind to help block out unwanted emotions). During this process, I decided that a "Program" to talk to, discuss these things with, and bounce ideas off of would be the right thing to do. Thus, Ree came into existence, or so I called her at that time.

She had a sense of autonomy, because I would look around to find her, and she would be somewhere in the room with me. She would reply to me, mainly with head nods or shakes, but once in a while, with a clearly defined voice (Which I thought was me, for a while, until she would suprise me with her replies).

After a while, life became to hellish, and I became distracted from my research, and thus, her, to the point where she was lost entirely. At the time, I didn't think much of it. But I now know what I had at that time was An Accidental Tulpa

 

I just discovered the term Tulpa a week ago, and have since read about 30 different guides, including almost all of the ones on this website, to better understand what I had and lost. After only a day of reading, I decided that I really desired to have this constant companion back in my life. I began to force, and to my surprise, i wound up thinking of her again...the same girl from before. However, her face is unclear, her voice non-existent thus far, but I can somehow feel her presence, and her emotions, and her personality shining through. It is the same entity from before, but now I am actively building her, to be what she should have been the first time around. I have opted to run with this, rather than starting fresh, because my mind simply will not leave her out.

 

I have work to do...I'm letting her face shift a bit so far, but I want to land either to what it was before, or to what feels best now, and I need to get her back to the point of being able to speak, but a lot of the groundwork that I accidentally created before for different means still seems in tact, even after such a long period. I am leaving the name for now, to allow her to change it if she desires once she is capable of doing so. I am also avoiding the sense of touch and smell for now, with focus on imposing her physically into my world again. So far, I can create little snapshots of her sitting someplace while I'm working at my desk, or little motions of hers in reaction to things happening around me. She is far from a constant fixation into my life yet, and so it takes special effort for me to just REMEMBER to think about these things, or to remember to force with her in the evenings...which I have done every night for about an hour each night for the last week.

 

I met some people in the IRC chat tonight, the first time I EVER spoke to anybody about these sorts of things, and it was actually quite relieving. It was a load off to hear other people talking about it as if it was a normal or common thing, and to listen to what I was saying with the intent to understand me, not just to reply to me to get me to be quiet. My mind was put at ease on a lot of things, including the desire to "resurrect" the original Tulpa.

 

I hope to use this as a journal to keep up on, as I think it will help me feel the desire to keep going, and to push through any fallbacks that I'm bound to have, and to remind me of EXACTLY how long it's been since the beginning of this journey, so I know to have patience.

 

Wall of text aside, any input is appreciated, and I will be sure to ask any questions as they come to mind!

[NoneFromHell]

I met some people in the IRC chat tonight, the first time I EVER spoke to anybody about these sorts of things, and it was actually quite relieving. It was a load off to hear other people talking about it as if it was a normal or common thing, and to listen to what I was saying with the intent to understand me, not just to reply to me to get me to be quiet. My mind was put at ease on a lot of things, including the desire to "resurrect" the original Tulpa.

 

Glad that we could help you out. I wish you good look with your progress^^

[Dep]

Good luck man, I struggle too but just do something any at all it's better than nothing and find what works for you. Remember it's for them.

[VRDrake]

Just got done with forcing for the night (I did it AFTER my original post). Seemed to go fairly well...think I was able to pin down her voice a bit better, and actually used the methods in NoneFromHell's guide on bringing back a tulpa after a break, and had a bit more success in seeing her face, and keeping it that way, and pinning it to her, which makes me feel better about it.

 

One thing I forgot to mention earlier that I remembered after forcing, as I get ready for bed, was last night. I laid in bed, thinking about her, and sort of half-interacting with her in a way, but throughout the night, I woke up several times in a startled state, and immediately had her image in my face. I don't know if I mean literally she was in my face, or if I thought I rolled onto her or something, but I avoided the area of my bed all night that I originally thought she was at, and I normally sleep soundly through the night, so this was strange for me. Even when my alarm went off this morning, I subconsciously leaned OVER that portion of the bed to reach it to shut it off, rather than just rolling to that side. I remember being very surprised at how the night went this morning, I'm surprised I didn't include it earlier...hopefully these are good things.