CutesyCorpse's Progress

[CutesyCorpse]

Heya everyone, I'm Corpse, and its nice to meet you all! >w<

 

I found out about tulpamancy about a week ago, and it instantly gripped my attention because this is the kind of thing I've wanted to do since I was young, be able to make a friend who would be there by my side. As a result I've begun to start on my journey with this by making my first Tulpa.

 

His name is Detroit, and as of currently I've been working on him as an imp who's mischievious, kind of pushy and clingy, unfeeling and egotistical, but also affectionate and playful, with no general ill will. So far it's going pretty well, shockingly with how recent I started.

 

 

Day 1 

4/8/20

 

Started working on Detroit. I gave a little introduction, did some personality forcing, and then began narrating. Tried to do a little visualization, I’m not really good at it, but I’m hoping to get better. I also tried to show him some mannerisms he might have! 

 

I started our wonderland, I made a pink cotton candy like cloud, and this heart shaped pillow. The pink of the pillow wasn’t good initially so I changed it. And then I made us a white couch, it’s really basic, a bit boring but hey it’s a start. I found myself trying to make a wall but it felt too complex so I gave up. I tried to make a teddy bear but it didn’t want to visualize right. I tried making a cat that was pink but it kept turning into a lion and I don’t really like lions so I shifted it into a raccoon that was scuttling about. I wanted a pink raccoon but ey. 

 

While in our wonderland, at one point I think he shifted it to being at a peak of a mountain that had a shadowy underpass, and depending on how i focused on it, itd get either longer or wider.

 

I went to sleep, imagining how Detroit would be sitting beside me, looking down at me.

 

Day 2

4/9/20

 

I keep narrating, it’s not a hard process for me, and I’ve been trying to tell Detroit more stuff, but I keep feeling like my insecurities are getting in the way.(I.E, I keep repeatedly apologizing for bothering him which I mean, I do that near constantly irl too) It’s kinda foggy but I was able to see his head nod, or shake. He had kind of a pout on his face, at least I think.

 

I tried reading to him but I quickly lost focus, and i felt we could connect somehow moreso doing something else. I tried working on our Wonderland, I think a sun was made, but I found that boring so I removed it and gave us a darker purple sky with stars. I also made a bunny chair that shapeshifts into a bunny, and I made Detroit a paddle toy thingy, I designed it to have his color scheme and horns in mind. So far things are staying somewhat consistent in our wonderland, but I’m a bit worried about how things might progress. I keep trying to visualize him beside me or interacting with me, but it's really faint and foggy, and I’m not sure it will ever get better. I spotted Detroit blowing bubblegum at one point.

 

Did 10 minutes of active personality forcing, which feels like an achievement because I’m much better at passive forcing.

 

Afterwards, I felt like he was hugging me from behind for a long while, and like he was trying to bite me. I brought the courage to try to ruffle his hair and I think he was surprised, he had a somewhat amused look after I did so. I think he looked as if he was going to whisper something to me but i didn’t really hear anything.

 

I think he mocked me for eating the same meal for breakfast and lunch. :Oc I don't think he's a fan of the meal.

 

He keeps hugging me, i compared it to him thinking of me as a stuffed animal, and he was floating behind me hugging me as I walked.

 

Asked advice about stuff online and assuaged some guilt about forcing an initial template on him.

 

Later on I want to design him a set of Playing Cards with a cute jester like face of his on the cover. I really wanna work hard at this to make it something he’ll really enjoy!

 

I listened to music that I relate to the template I was using for him, some of the songs he seemed to bop with but others, I didn’t sense much from.

 

Before going to sleep I went to our Wonderland, and we suddenly shrunk the size of the cloud, made there be a pink see through bubble surrounding the upper half, and then made a lot of slides, ladders and etcetera going down from the cloud. Thus… This cloud is now a jelly fish.

 

Later on we played a game, he shot a lot of lightning bolts at our cloud which turned into walls, then trapped me inside, before dropping us into some jail like area. This was fun, though there were a few intrusive thoughts but I either backwardsed time to get rid of them, or grabbed them and threw them in the trash.

 

Interesting notes:

 

I’m not sure but I think visualization going relatively alrightish? I can’t actually see anything but I can get like senses of the ways he’s carrying himself, and the like. I’m hoping to get my visualization to not just be at the level of a concept or an idea, and instead like actually somewhat visible.

 

Sometimes he opens his mouth as if to speak, but I cant really tell if he’s saying anything even slightly. I probably needta work more on this. Narration isn't that difficult for me unless I'm reading or writing, so hopefully narration will help with this but I'm unsure?

[CutesyCorpse]

Day 3

4/10/20

 

Been trying to keep Detroit in my head near constantly, so far I feel like I’m definitely succeeding at that. I keep feeling guilty however when I read stuff and can’t focus as much on him. Kinda woke up and started to have some sort of panic attack and I could vaguely sense him looking cornered following me around.

 

Haven’t completely recovered from that but I started playing us music again, watching him bop to the music is fun but currently that takes so much focus that I’m sad cuz I can’t bop with him, without making his presence kind of disappear. I think this is my favorite bonding exercise we’ve created so far, though hanging out in the Wonderland is also really fun. I love seeing him float around the room, and randomly just move from one location all the way to the opposite. A couple times he jumped into my computer screen to dance. He moves a lot, and it makes me happy because I’m also the type to move a lot. I can’t wait till its easier to focus on him so we can bop together!! (I have huge issues with focus though, so I’m worried it might be awhile.)

 

Spent a little bit of wonderland time, we slid into this marshmallow area that was really bouncy and so i couldnt stop bouncing meanwhile he just floated around. I tried to feel the marshmallow environment and i think I could feel it somewhat. I tried to feel with different parts of my body, and my hand did the best job, but I thought it was interesting that i had different degrees of feeling in different spots.

 

I feel guilty cuz i spent several hours not actively interacting with him, and I kept just seeing (Note when I say seeing, I just mean I know he’s there, I can’t actually visually see him) him float around, or otherwise sneaking into my line of vision with a bored expression. I can tell he wants attention, but like… It’s really frustrating me, not to be able to talk to him yet or really know what hes trying to say. I just finished being distractedly busy for six hours and i want to spend time with him but I dont know what to do. I might go back to listening to music with him? I just don’t know if I have the energy. 

 

I really really feel like I don’t have energy for this, but as a workaholic, turning on some music to listen to with him. Starting it was significantly less draining than I expected. I’m honestly really bummed that I drop focus everytime I try to dance or lipsync with him, thats one of my favorite pasttimes, and seeing him do it, makes me want to do it with him. In the middle of this music session, I keep getting distracted but it started getting dark and I realized the lights were off, I went to turn em on but suddenly got an unexpected thought “Oh, but you like the dark Detroit” like i had a sense that he preferred that over the light.

 

So then we continued, while sitting in the dark. I’m not a big fan of dark rooms, to the point where whenever its slightly dim i feel a bit of discomfort but alas, compromise is key. Our jam session went well, but now I really want to jumpstart his vocality. I feel like he tries speaking to me but i cant even get a general impression of what he means to say.

 

I feel like I spent more time being lazy but now I’m going to sleep, and deciding instead of our usual before sleep wonderland adventure, im gonna just try talking to him cuz i really wanna get his vocality somewhere.

 

Does anyone know if it gets easier to do something while keeping your tulpa in focus? Or if eventually it requires less focus to have your tulpa present?

(Anyway posting this start of day 4 and I feel terrible so here's hoping I can still get enough forcing in. I keep feeling like I'm not forcing enough even though I'm usually passive forcing all day, and there's quite a bit of hours where I'm exclusively focused on forcing.)

[Guest]

21 minutes ago, CutesyCorpse said:

Does anyone know if it gets easier to do something while keeping your tulpa in focus? Or if eventually it requires less focus to have your tulpa present?

I don't think it'd be easier, since you're shifting your focus constantly between the task and your tulpa, which can be very distracting, but it also depends on what you're doing. Walking while focusing on your tulpa isn't the same as trying to keep them around while reading or writing. However, if you practice having them around while you're doing mindless things like walking, it might be easier for them to stick around while doing things that require your focus. 

[CutesyCorpse]

On 4/11/2020 at 11:01 AM, Mirichu said:

I don't think it'd be easier, since you're shifting your focus constantly between the task and your tulpa, which can be very distracting, but it also depends on what you're doing. Walking while focusing on your tulpa isn't the same as trying to keep them around while reading or writing. However, if you practice having them around while you're doing mindless things like walking, it might be easier for them to stick around while doing things that require your focus. 

Okeydoke! That makes sense thene, I just hope it gets easier to for example... Move while having my Tulpa visible? I can kinda walk while having his form like perceived but I can't really dance, or much while he's dancing. Or really even lipsync while he's lipsyncing. I really want that to get easier.

 

Anyway onto Day 4

 

 

 

Day 4

4/11/20

 

I havent had as much energy to force today, but i started eating ice cream and I feel like I’m getting a handle on his preferences. He doesn’t like mint chocolate chip, but he likes Cookies and Cream, and he really wants to try an ice cream that is blue

 

I spent most the day just being stressed and a mess and occasionally trying to visualize Detroit nearby, or occasionally narrating a bit but i feel really guilty cuz i didnt spend much time with him. Kinda feel like maybe why I really want to bring him into existence is just because I want someone else there, who like cares? I have terrible anxiety and depression and i feel like ive been trying really hard to give him extra reassuring-ness to like… Maybe make it so i can have someone else in my head who like… Can argue with those thoughts with me? Probably a selfish and bad thing, but I don’t know. I don’t know how much I can force with him tomorrow either because im hecka stressed, and I havent successfully managed to get any of my homework this week done, whatsoever.

 

Well, I’m gonna try talking to him before going to sleep for hopefully an hour? Idk the time till i fall asleep always feels like hours. I hope he won’t hate me when he’s like sentient…

 

Does anyone have tips on how to get vocality going quicker? I keep reading guides but I still am not sure and i think thats the main struggle rn. Sometimes i know how he feels about things but i want to like, get to where I feel like I can know what hes saying? I keep visualizing him and he looks like hes talking but i have no clue what about.

 

So my attempts before falling asleep seemed slightly fruitful.  I tried talking to him and sometimes i wouldn’t get any words of what he’d want to say, but a feeling. (This was probably the minority of times) After about a half hour or an hour, I tried shifting to asking him to count. I was worrying i was parroting till I realized i couldnt really replicate the types of thoughts he was saying without a large amount of expended energy. I’m noticing that on the off chance he says something, the thought feels really distant, and as if it was charging up from inside my chest for like a good few moments. He really struggled on a lot of those numbers, so it took a lot of energy on both of our parts to do this.

 

Anyway expect a smaller update for Day 5.

Edited April 12, 2020 by CutesyCorpse

[CutesyCorpse]

Day 5

4/12/20

 

Busy with college homework. Tried to engage with Detroit, he looked like he was teasing me but i couldnt hear him so i thought we’d practice counting. He counted to twelve, I noticed he really struggles with the number ten. He seemed very pouty when i asked him to count, and basically glided from sitting on my dresser, to laying on my bed with a huffy expression. I kinda feel bad but i really wanna exercise his voice so maybe Ill get to have conversations with him.

 

Keep wondering what his face color is, it changed multiple times, I think his favorite color is pink now? There’s very few questions i can get answers out of him with cuz hes not verbal.

 

Tried doing homework and put on my playlist with music i think hed like. 

 

Ngl keep worrying Detroit will hate me cuz ill sometimes narrate to him about how I’m a failure, or bad at things. 

 

Okay so i know a few of his preferences so I started more vocality training, like trying to get him to say “My favorite color is pink” and the like. I’m hoping if i can get him comfortable in thinking words my way, like that are preplanned, itll help him with like… Being able to interject things?

 

Tried talking to him a bit more before sleeping and had him count to sixty.

[Matsuri]

On 4/12/2020 at 6:21 PM, CutesyCorpse said:

Well, I’m gonna try talking to him before going to sleep for hopefully an hour? Idk the time till i fall asleep always feels like hours. I hope he won’t hate me when he’s like sentient…

 

 

Does anyone have tips on how to get vocality going quicker? I keep reading guides but I still am not sure and i think thats the main struggle rn. Sometimes i know how he feels about things but i want to like, get to where I feel like I can know what hes saying? I keep visualizing him and he looks like hes talking but i have no clue what about.

 

You can use tulpish, which is basically like communicating in abstract concepts which might be easier for some. Anyhow, vocality develops with time as your head gets more used with communicating in mindvoice as two individuals. Believe me, Detroit will understand. There is no reason not to because you share head after all