Jace's Tulpa Diary

[Jace]

10/24/21 

Hiya, my name is Jace, and I was hesitant to actually publish anything regarding my tulpa journey... but why not? I tried this once before, a couple years ago, only keeping a journal on Google Docs, and it didn't work out. I've decided to become more involved in the community this time, to give me some extra motivation. I’m also in better mental condition than I was before; I can focus on Lune better than I could on "Iggy." 

 

The reason I chose Lune was, really, because they were the first person who popped into my head. My Graal character. Just an appearance, a vibe. I’m taking a much more casual approach this time. I don’t want to overwhelm myself or my tulpa. Here are some pictures I drew of them: 

      

 

Their main outfit is the farthest right picture, minus the hat.

 

I’ve been passively forcing, nothing more yet, for the past 2 or 3 days. Re-familiarizing myself with tulpa lingo, reading blogs, et cetera et cetera.

 

I won't be posting here every day. 

 

Achievements: Many head pressures that I remember from my previous attempt. They fascinate me and help me stay focused on Lune. Also seems to have some control over their form, and has even spoken to me once. I heard my name, “Jace!” and felt a wave of happiness wash over me, though I’m not sure if it was theirs or my own. However, these moments have been very faint and vague. I want something more solidified, which brings me to…

 

Goals: For now, I just want to be able to speak to Lune as I would another person (in mindvoice, of course). Everything else is secondary, even moving their form and creating a wonderland. I want to be able to do all the other stuff, too, but it can wait.

Edited October 25, 2021 by Jace

[Jace]

10/26/21 

I'm feeling unnecessarily frustrated. My main problem isn’t that I’m not talking to Lune; it’s my doubt that the thoughts aren’t actually reaching them. I worry that they won't hear, won't respond, and if they do, I won’t hear it. But I need to chill. I’ve been doing this less than a week, and I’m not as intense as I probably should be. I can’t expect crazy results so soon.

 

I reassure myself that if I'm simply trying to speak to Lune--and even better, expecting an answer--I’m doing it right. 

 

I started active forcing yesterday. All that it resulted in was a very strong head pressure. Today, though, I did it for 15 minutes listening to this amazing music. Honestly it was the best, if shortest, forcing experience I’ve ever had. I was incredibly relaxed, my body felt heavy, but in a good way. I talked to Lune, and even if I couldn't hear any proper response, the control they have over their form is amazing. I visualized a snowy forest and first focused on my own body, conjuring a surprisingly detailed first-person point of view. I looked up, and there Lune was, sitting on a bench of some sort. 

 

I tried to touch them, but to my surprise, they batted me away. I asked what was wrong--were they mad at me because I wasn’t forcing enough? They didn’t answer, but crossed their arms, and I sensed an air of conflicted annoyance/sadness. I said I was sorry and hugged them, and felt so moved that I cried, just a little bit. There’s a good chance that emotion actually came from them, like the happiness of a couple days ago. 

 

I couldn’t focus as well after that, but I’ll try again soon enough. 

[ruleofthumb]

Stone: Firstly, your drawings of your tulpa are very cute. Secondly, sadness to the point of crying is a huge emotion to feel while forcing, so that’s promising! The closest I think I’ve gotten to that is being actually scared/thrilled for a moment when I jumped into a hole in wonderland.

 

Good luck on your journey!