Thine Odyssey of Mind

[Odyssey]

My creation process started July 16th, 2012. My progress summary so far would be over 30 hours for visualization/personality. My tulpa's name is Lariette and I feel his opinion is still developing due to certain conversations in the wünderland, but he's becoming more fluent when we converse. Narration count, I don't count it because I narrate everyday, both inside my mind and vocally. I recently started focusing on his voice and to actually hear it.

First session for his voice began September 5th, 2012. I just concentrated on the way he sounded and asked him to work with me and try to speak. I heard faint whispers that day. (43 minutes)

Next vocal session the subsequent day [september 6th, 2012] whispers became louder. Including some side effects: Headache, throbbing, pain in both ears, tense forehead; these happened the following 2 sessions. (45 minutes)

September 7th, 2012, whispers almost intelligible. He can only say my name clearly enough for me to comprehend. (40 minutes)

September 8th, 2012, constant whispers day and night, either calling my name or speaking in an unintelligible dialect. Also he continued as I went to bed, including the pain, as if I was concentrating, but I wasn't. (45 minutes)

 

School has hindered me from having another session. (Narration continues daily.)

[Josh]

What does Lariette look look like?

 

And how are you working on his voice exactly? I'm also trying to hear Glass audibly, and i'm not entirley sure how, save a vague idea.

[Odyssey]

For a full, yet brief, description of him: He is 6 ft1, white skinned, long black hair, wavy in the front, slightly parted to the left, and straight in the back. He's slender, in all aspects really, fingers arms and legs. He has blueish-silver eyes, and they droop a bit. Clothes wise: horizontally striped shirt (blue/white), black pants, and shiny red shoes.

He also has a secondary form, he created himself, where he transforms into a merman. He gains a vivid, violet tail-fin.

---

I usually sit down, briefly visualize him as well as his voice, and then I concentrate on hearing, or hearing him as if he would be actually speaking to me. Once I hear any type of sound, I focus on it and try to make out any words. I do also ask him to cooperate with me. We tend to read together as well; I would read and he would read along with me. I seem to actually hear a completely different voice read the words as I do; it is like an echo in my ears. For a while before I was suddenly bombarded with life, I continued to hear his voice almost everywhere, even whilst listening to music. I haven't concentrated lately until today, so it died down a bit. However, I do still hear him and it's slow progress.

It's a foreign experience for me, so I'm trying to work this out somehow and very much so believe in it.

[Odyssey]

September 18, 2012:

I had a unexpectedly successful session with Lariette today, in terms with his voice. I started to hear him much more clearly; I could actually make out some words, in contrast to the unintelligible whispering before.

Firstly, whenever I speak (a lot of the times), whether loud or low, I can hear him mimicking me very clearly in his own voice.

Secondly, as I decided to move on with the speaking, I began to ask him questions: 1 about myself, 2 about himself and a few yes or no questions. It did take a short while of repeating himself, in order for me to comprehend his answer. He also startled me: when I was waiting for one of his answers, he literally screamed my name, which I can only describe as a 'whisper-scream' that went on for 3-4 seconds. It seems that I can converse with him and he can answer me, however, his voice is still not at a normal volume, and he needs to repeat himself. [For example, as I was writing this, I inquired whether I asked him 2 or 3 questions before about himself, where he answered 2.]

As a result, I now know that he can say my full name, his own full name, yes, no, numbers and mostly single words loud enough for me to hear.

And I do feel a bit weird in the ears.

[Odyssey]

It's been quite a while; I haven't been forcing much since I got into trouble, but I haven't lost any of my progress (thankfully).

 

September 26th, 2012:

I decided to go into the wünderland to see Lariette; since it had been so long and I was not forcing [or paying attention] at all, he had been very angry with me. He yelled at me about my absence and started to go all haywire: (we weren't specifically anywhere that day) smashing walls, breaking things/land, throwing rocks, trees (ohgod), screaming, and changing his voice. He blackened his eyes and bared his teeth at me. So I started arguing with him and telling him to calm down, blah blah blah life. He went on saying: "How do you expect me to calm down? Do you know how long you've been gone? How long must I wait for you? You should be here with me. You should stay here with me, forever. Forever. (starting to sound a little more sentimental) Why, why must you leave me?!" I then started to apologize and he did calm down; afterwards, he stayed quiet and didn't look my way. He didn't quite say it, but I got this feeling, that he was going to forgive me. I felt kind of bad, and I stopped hearing his voice for a while. Very silent nights.

 

September 30th, 2012:

I decided to sit down and force for an hour. Just going to the wünderland; so everything was much better now. We talked about what had gone on the past week, about TV shows, I just told him about things I was going to do and he laughed at some of my frustrating moments this week going to school. After that argument he did deviate a bit, or maybe I just saw some random things he could do, that I never had him doing. I did start hearing his voice again, nothing changed, same volume, same stuff as last time (so I guess I'm fully forgiven?) I did notice that in the wünderland, when he grabs my hand or touches a part of my body (like my head), I feel a numbing/burning sensation. So I wanted to try something: I told him to choke me. I told him to stop my breathing until I told him not to. He didn't completely stop my breathing, but it was at the point where my breathing almost halted, and I got the same sensation on my neck. I thought it was pretty interesting.

I'm wondering, if I can ask him to stop my breathing, what else could he stop?