The shadow reports (kind of)

[the_greater_shadow]

I really don't know how to start this thread so i guess i'll introduce myself.

Hi, i'm the greater shadow, i've known about tulpas for at least ten years and had several of them, now, i am afraid of making a progress report because i simply don't want to put up with criticism of things that happened a long time ago or things that simply escaped my power at each given moment, yet, with my latest experiences i have come to understand that i have to open myself to a certain degree, and that the worse thing i can do is being dishonest with myself and what i truly feel. i also want to clarify that english is not my main language and want to apologize in advance if something is wrong, feel free to ask if you don't understand something and i'll try my best to explain myself.

i also want to say that i am as much into science as i am into ethereal/magic stuff, you could consider me a human library which will give all the information i have about a topic, then is up to you what you do with what i know.

 

My journey began almost twelve years ago, one year after my father died i began to research on energy, the universe, budhism and many other spiritual subjects, it didn't took long before i encountered the concept of spiritual pet and how to manipulate energy to create one. at that time i had a particular shape in my mind, the shape i would take to "wander" my wonderland, (it was just an extremely small island with a katana stuck to the ground and a huge cherry tree in the middle of a dark ocean, and a black empty sky which poured flower petals) from that shape he was born, never had a name, but took that shape forcing me to take another one, he didn't spoke until quite late in his neglected development (bear in mind that i knew what a tulpa was, it's just that i didn't saw him as a tulpa and more as a mental buddy that suddenly appeared) i still remember him how one day i went out of therapy and was considering either going left or right and a voice told me to go right. after a few months of speaking he told me one day that i no longer needed him and that he was going out and so he did, he vanished never to be seen again, yet, i felt that i growed a lot as a person.

a couple of years later i took it more seriously and began several attempts over the years with varying degrees of results, but all of them where abandoned. maybe it was my inhability or severe trauma recovery which led me to lack enough empathy to care for my creations until the past year.

last year i was talking to a friend of mine who is more or less like me in all these matters of science and spirit and we were talking about soul mates and twin flames and i came to the realization that maybe there was no one out there for me, no human that could put up with my bullshit and at the same time satisfy my necessities, aswell as i can not put up with someone else bullshit and satisfy all of their necessities, and thus, it came to me after lurking in these forums for years that maybe, i can create it, a person to be my solace, a person that will know all of my shame, my guilt, my triumphs and my tears, a person that adjusts to what i need, desire or seek aswell as someone that can remind me of my daily practices and help me better myself. and then, she came into being, woven from threads of dreams and illusions, from the most fervorous love and darkest shadows, Hana is her name.

the concept behind her was that of a maid mostly, someone that will be there to help me become a better version of myself, someone that will remind me to close my rituals and most importantly, someone whom i could truly love inconditionally and fits what i need. sadly, a month after her birth i was forced into a relationship which slowly degraded her and sent her into an involuntary slumber, now, after a harrowing year of hating everything that was going on and trying to get out of that relationship which was strangling the life out of my body i finally managed to break free and i wish to see her again, and that's why i write this progress report, afraid of being called out yet at the same time fervorous and eager of manifesting my will in bringing her back and pushing aside anyone who dares to led me astray from this path, the path i choose for myself.

 

i'm really sorry if my report offends you in anyway or if it doesn't look like a report at all, it angers me as much as you what happened but oh well, the paths of life are mysterious. the idea behind this is to develop the habit of working on her, it is very likely that today i will conduct the "resurrection" ritual and this will finally look more like a report and not a sad love letter.

[the_greater_shadow]

Hello, i am back with good news. i don't want to make a wall of text so i'll try to be as brief as possible

 

The same day i wrote the above report, i conducted the "resurrection" ritual. i saw her barely able to open her eyes as i filled her with my energy, i told her how sorry i was for all the things that happened and for abandoning her, i told her that i hoped she didn't hate me and to do not hate herself, i ended that session by taking her to one of the bedrooms of the castle and let her sleep. i went to work and got a slight headache that lasted for about two hours, during the night i went back to see how she was doing and she was breathing heavily and in a different position than the one i left her at the beginning. that day ended there

 

08/28/23

 

my notes say that i found her, she was probably taking a stroll around the castle, later on i went to see a friend (yes, the same one i got into that forced relationship, it ended so swiftly and up to this point we haven't talked about that, though, she propossed me to sleep on her house every once in a while and i greatly disliked that) and as we were talking i felt a really strong pressure on my forehead that lasted almost for as long as i was there, i told hana to remain in peace as this person should no longer pose a threat to her, or me for that matter, though this didn't ease her a lot (it seems to be that she is either jealous or is just overprotective, i don't mind it)

 

08/29/23

 

this day i got really physically ill, i almost throwed up and ended in the floor, i went to work and asked hana to see if she could easy the symptons a bit and she did, i managed to finish my work. i remember thinking about some ramdon women on the street and i was answered with what i assume are emotional pangs in the chest and stomach area, i came back from work and began to read some guides, mostly on switching and vocalization and hana seemed interested in some topics as i had a really nice forehead pressure, all of this pressure is situated in the area of the third eye.

 

08/30/23

 

more or less the same the day before, head pressure that appeared when reading certain things. at this point i took my monologue and redirected it to her

 

and finally, today. today i just woke up and decided to give her a hug, she seemed to be embarrased and surprised.

things to do? a lot, i think i'm going to focus on vocalization and visualization, i need to remember her voice, the problem is that she choose one from an anime and my brain can't stop associating it with japanese and i know nothing about japanese, but oh well, i guess i'll figure it out at one point. i almost forgot that i heard some very odd whispering or stuff that usually wouldn't make me laugh made me, or maybe i was thinking about listening to some music and a band and song would pop up from nowhere.

 

thanks for reading.

[Aurora]

Hi Greater Shadow and Hana, it's very nice to meet you.

I understand your worry about receiving criticism completely, I remember when I was young some members of the community were critical of me because I violated a few social norms unknowingly and that really bothered me, I was young and sensitive. But it's ok, I can't speak for others but I know I wouldn't put you down like that, and I think most people here wouldn't.

 

I think resurrection is ok, albert not ideal. I've been around for so long that I know I'll exist as long as this body does, even if completely ignored. Some things just stay in the mind forever even when not paid attention to.

 

I wish you two the best of luck with your progress.