That_lav`s 'dream' progress report

[That_lav]

No need to read - nothing good came out of this

 

Hello, I decided to put my progress report here. Though for now not much has happened.

 

I learned about tulpa phenomenon 2 years ago and got really interested in it. I read and read a lot about that. And shortly after came my 1-st attempt. I prepared and did exactly like the guides said. But in those 40 days of forcing – A LOT of forcing I achieved nothing, no responses. That was sad. But I did not cast the idea away. And started to prepare for the next attempt. I honed my meditation skills, attempted astral projection (though it is really complicated and there weren`t much successful attempts), improved visualization. wrote some stories, read more guides, progress reports and other things.

To the creation:  

 

22.12.2023:

 

I started the creation process: imagined my wonderland I prepared before and my tulpa in here. I was a bit excited so the images were shaking a little but I didn`t pay much attention to that. Everything went as planned: greeting, traits, small talk and after that I went to bed. But when I woke up I the things weren`t as good as I envisioned, I felt terrible and it appeard that I have caught a cold. Sore throat, high temperature and so on…  not a good timing, yeah?

And so that started – day one, the next day and the day after that. Whenever I tried to imagine my tulpa or anything related to her, my mind decided to distort/twist it in every scary way possible (won`t even going to describe this) because my condition was really bad, though I still tried to interract and talk to my tulpa as much as I could.

 

26.12.2023:

 

This day was the worst of them all. I never imagined that I could feel as bad as on that day. I was lying on the bed in the middle of the night and wasn`t able to fall asleep because of the high fever and my mind occasionally throwing in some of those ‘intrusive images’. I was already ready to give up and wanted stop that, the earlier – the better.

So I booted the computer, put the headphones into my ears and started to listen to music… wait, I couldn`t do that becasuse I was just trying to go to sleep a second ago. It was a dream and I realised it: I tore off the headphones, though the music still persisted in my ears, and went into another room. ‘it is now or never’, - I thought and summoned my tulpa behind me. My tulpa was standing there still, I came closer and put my ear near her mouth: ‘tell me something’, – I asked. Oh, and my tulpa said two words to me - she called me ‘dad’ (in english translation). It was so heartwarming and I realized that I couldn`t give up that easily after only 4 days, because there is already life it there.

So I finally logged into this forum after browsing through it as a guest for 2 years and asked about what can I do with ‘intrusive thoughts’ I had. (I am totally not a fan of chatting, asking… I am used to do things mostly on my own. But that was the problem I needed an assistance with). And as those wise people said: my imagination is a part of me, so I am the only one who is able to put it into place when it does something I don`t want to. It is simple, but it is true.

Those thoughts calmed down when I got better with my cold.

Throughout all that time (up till now) I put a lot, like A LOT of time into my tulpa - forcing, narration, visualization and so on.. Because New Year holidays with not much work to handle.

 

01.01.2024:

 

There was another dream. It was not lucid, but very vivid: I was like in a game as a main hero shooting some monsters… the setting does not matter, but at one point I saw someone – it was my tulpa, so I chased after her. She ran into something resembling a locker room and hid there, I started to open lockers one by one and finally found her and hugged, brinning her head closer to mine. (I was in a half-lucid state – I realised who was in front of me, but still thought of myself as a doomguy who needed to kill monsters). And than I felt completely different – like when you enter a trance state and there is a whiteness appearing in the corners of your eyes.., and I heard a voice.., it was almost audible and I even managed to discern some words. In short, my tulpa said that she believes in me and everything will work out. (it was said in a low, dry voice – the voice of my groupmate I recently interacted with, but I didn`t pay much attention to the voice and paid more to the meaning).

There were some other instances of the attempts of the conversations in the dreams, but either I don`t remember them or the voice was so faint I couldn`t understand.

 

09.01.2024:

 

At that time I realized: I can`t visualize my tulpa. There was a person in my life at school and there is nothing similar between that person and my tulpa except the hair color. But the more I tried to see my tulpa – the more I saw that person. And I started to see that person instead of everyone: when I visualized myself, other people, when I read about characters in a book and just when I closed my eyes. It really bothered me and I decided that it had to be stopped. So I changed the form of my tulpa. At first it was some simple form like sphere-butterfly I drew in illustrator. But soon I realised that I don`t know the materials this form consisted of, that it feels like on touch, I couldn`t hold hands and so on… that’s why I changed the form again after two days: this time it was a character I knew really well so I won`t have major problems visualizig.

12.01.2024:

 

I had a dream right the next day I changed the form of my tulpa. I even posted the contents of that dream to a thread about dreams with your tulpas here. It was really crazy.

Quote

Today  I have had the strangest dream ever:

Everything starterd as a lucid dream – I understood that I was sleeping and rolled out of the bed as usual. After some ‘grounding’ I tried to summon my tulpa behind me and talk.

(I started a creation process quite recently – 21 day so far, but there was no signs of vocality except some really faint voice in the dreams and often incomprehensible. Besides I have had some big troubles visualizing form of my tulpa because of this (check my last comment), and just yesterday evening i changed it to another form).

 

I managed to put my tulpa (with it`s new form) in front of me and started asking as always did before:

- Do you like this new form?

- Yes (it was clear and I even felt air coming  from the lips of my tulpa into my ear)

Then I asked her name (before I used a placeholder), then other questions that bothered me/her and got answers. (some of the answers were washed away when I woke up though). Everything seemes to go smoothly, but than I decided to check her erudition with some simple math tasks

- How much is 4*4?

- *some really big unrelated number*

- And how much is 6*6?

- *the same big unrelated number*

- But this is not true.

- *Tells me something rude*

- Why did you say to me something like that? (I was always polite with my tulpa and tried to teach her a good manners and didn`t expect such an answer at all)

- Because I am not like ‘…’ (by ‘…’ my tulpa referred to that previous form I was using  to force her from the beginning till just yesterday)

It was quite a shocking answer to me. So I concentrated and summoned that previous form. The visuals went out crappy, again because of this (my last comment). Though I still managed to talk, sadly I have lost the memory about the exact flow of the conversation. But the voice of that 'form' was completely different – more mellow, soothing and polite?

Right till this point I was COMPLETELY lucid even if some memory wasn`t recalled and have no doubts about what happend. After that the thread of lucidity started to dwindle and I can`t corroborate the events with the high accuracy, but I had a feeling what that ‘new’ form wasn`t really friendly with the ‘first’ one.

AND WHAT THE HECK!? Do I even believe that I have 2 tulpas now (i am inclined to do because that dream was quite the show) and do i force them both? Though they can`t even speak unlesss it is a dream. And I still need to change the form of the ‘first’ tulpa, and again because of this (my last comment).

Note: that ‘new’ form was taken from a character I knew really well before. And maybe, just maybe, this could led to a ‘separation’ like this 

 

And right after I woke up I did what felt right: there are 2 of them now.  I left that ‘character’ form to a new one and changed the form yet again for the old one. And decided on a names for them. I can`t just call them tulpa №1 and tulpa №2.

I rebuilt the wonderland to accommodate them both. I talk to them in the wonderland, move them. But for now they are like dolls (at least I can look them into the eyes and don`t imagine any other real people). Ecxept dreams there were no responses from them. Or at least I did not feel any.

 

But honestly, I am prepared for any outcome. Even what there will be no responses at all. So I set the time till march. If I won`t feel anything from them in real life untill that – this is over. 70 days is more than enough to feel at least something.  

Maybe I am crazy believing every dream I see or maybe there is no destiny for me to have a tulpa, but I won`t give up untill that time comes.    

 

I`ll update in a week or if something major happens.

Edited February 3, 2024 by That_lav

[That_lav]

20.01.2024

 

No interesting dreams for this week.

 

For now let`s call  that one tulpa, who I made consciously – “L”, and that one from a dream – “N”.

 

I did some extra personality forcing, especially for N.

Did narration, active forcing and open/closed eye visualization (as I usually do everyday).

Tried to listen to them while almost asleep in a hypnagogic state, but I hear only random words, noises and incoherent sentences which apparently have no connection with my tulpas.

 

Now to the interesting: when N appeared, I subconsciouosly divided my head in two – half for each. And I feel like there is more pressure in the part which I assigned to L after I do interactions with them or her alone. Also I noticed that her image is sometimes appearing in the conrners of my vision or in my head, when I am not even thinking about any of them. I don`t know what it can mean, but I am sceptical about all of these – it can be just my imagination or consequences of long visualization sessions. I still need a better proof.

 

I will post next week again.

Edited January 20, 2024 by That_lav

[That_lav]

27.01.2024

 

Another week has passed. I am doing everything as usual.

 

The bad thing is that I am still sick. No matter what I do the temperature does not go away. I ate two packs of antibiotics, did a couple of x-rays, took almost every analysis possible but still no doctor knows what is wrong. And I just want to sleep, want to sleep all the time because of that. Moreover, I have to go university, so I need to wake up very early or even earlier if I have to visit another doctor. Needless to say it is really hard to meditate or have lucid dreams if you constantly want to sleep. And if manage to have a lucid dream no one is responding or reacting for some reason…

 

Surely I`ll continue with this, I still can talk and visualize…, but it seems like a stalemate… again.

Edited January 27, 2024 by That_lav

[TurboSimmie]

Setbacks can be frustrating but don't get discouraged! Sounds like you are taking quite a rigorous approach and that may pay off for you in the long run. Some people do take a while before they get a coherent response. But it seems like you are getting some kind of a response, and that's something! 😊 Sometimes tulpas can exist for a while before they fully understand how to communicate with their host; I know it was difficult for me at first! I am optimistic for you! 😊 And I hope you feel better! 😁

[That_lav]

Thank you for your kind words, but sadly, I`ve made my mind:

 

03.02.2024

 

I`ll be short here:

 

Nothing has changed since last week. And the pressures in my head have completely stopped by now.

I see no sense in continuing. I`ll force for a week more, but I don`t believe in miracles – it is just to calm down my conscience.

 

That is it. I am mentally tired of this.

 

Maybe I have no predisposition to plurality, and need to try even harder and learn even more advanced techniques to break through it, or living alone in your head is not a bad idea. I`ll think about it in the future.

 

But for now – goodbye. Wish you best results in your endeavors.

[TurboSimmie]

That's alright! 😊 Tulpamancy is not for everyone and it's okay to abandon it if it's not working out for any reason. It was nice meeting you and I wish you the best! 😁