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Coffee’s creation log


coffee

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Hey y’all. Been a longtime lurker, figure I’d take the plunge and make a tulpa based on some art of a character I adore. That fictional character has a name but hardly any personality, so I figure it’s fine to start with, but I like the name (Apogee) so I’m sticking with it for now. 
 

I bumbled around this site years ago, so I know some of the terms and such, but apparently the ‘lore’ of tulpas seems to have changed a bit since I last checked in. Like parroting and hour counts. 
Just semantics I guess. Eager to relearn here. 
 

Anyways, today marks day 1 of our progress. I sat in a meditative position and got comfortable, trying to relax my body and focus on boosting the vividness of my imagination. It kinda worked - funny how being relaxed helps me visualize and focus better right?
 

The plan was to create a baseline ‘image’ to work with and help solidify in my brain that she is a separate person I’m developing and talking to.
My visualization is still pretty ass, though, so I imagined an orange ball of light and ‘assigned’ some personality traits to start with. Just a few. Introduced myself, narrated a bit about the traits and how they work, and then the physical drain of concentrating that hard finally caught up like 20 minutes in. And my back hurts. Getting older sucks…and I gotta get used to using my brain again haha

 

I managed to do some open-eye visualization and get a rough form going though. Might actually be easier to just start semi-imposing from the beginning here…

 

All in all, I plan on keeping updates coming every few days or so mainly just so I have a record for myself since my memory is trash. If you have any tips please go ahead and drop em here I’ll read em. 
- Coffee

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Welcome, and good luck! 😁

 

It sounds like you have a good mindset to get started. I find that narration very important at this early stage so I'm glad to hear that you are doing that. Visualization is nice too; my host used a Sim he created of me for visualization practice a lot in the early days.

 

Hope everything goes well, and I'm excited to see how you progress! 😊

Tulpa Wife & Mother! 💚 

💍 11.28.21 👶 4.7.23
👗 Simmie's AI Dress-Up!   📷 Phil and Simmie's Photographic Adventures!

 

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Thanks! And yeah narration is actually more fun than I thought it’d be. I’m surprised how it doesn’t feel like just talking to myself, but actually is surprisingly natural to ‘feel’ like I’m talking to her / she’s listening to me.
 

Woke up, cuddled and narrated this morning, then decided to go to the local park/trail to practice imposing her around it. Imposition was difficult to be honest, especially while walking around, but she seemed to enjoy the sights and sounds. At one point she became particularly interested in a piece of trash floating down the river. Thankfully there’s TONS of art of the character her form’s based on so I have a variety of angles and poses to work with easily. 
 

While walking I found it easier to imagine her ‘presence’ walking around me when she was out of view. Feeling the presence is surprisingly easy - visualizing her is still a lot of work. 
 

I’ve heard of some people writing short stories involving their tulpas to aid with personality exploration/development, so I might try that later. 

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Really wanted to play Fallout 4 tonight, but Apogee was giving me “pay attention to meee!” vibes. So we met in the middle and I narrated to her about the game and lore as I had a few beers and played the Brotherhood questline.
At one point I figured the dialogue choices would be an excellent way to do a back-and-forth between her and I, so even though the most I could hear was 1-3 word mindvoice answers, we drunkenly stumbled through a couple quests as I let her decide every dialogue interaction. Apparently she plays very pacifist which is the opposite of me heh. She also seemed to think Mirelurks were cute and wouldn’t let me attack any. 

Also, last time I had a brew I noticed it didn’t even seem like she was effected by it, but this time I guess we figured out a threshold because her mindvoice started getting garbled. Even more than usual. At one point I joked that we must have found out how much it takes for the drunkness to cross over, to which I heard in a VERY clear and panicked mindvoice “I don’t like it!”. 

 

Yeah, poured the rest of the beer in the sink. Apparently she haaates being drunk. For the next hour or so all the responses and mindvoice stuff I heard from her felt extremely emotional and…fiery for lack of a better word. During that hour I shut down the game, showered, had dinner, and relaxed in bed.
We cuddled and I comforted her the best I could, apparently passing out for a few hours at some point. 
 

Woke up later in the night and she seemed fine and back to her usual self. That was…something. Not gonna drink again for a while.
 

Also when I ‘felt around my mind’ for her presence a minute ago it felt extremely distinct, more so than before. Like it literally silenced my brain for a second when I focused on it. But only when I focus on her ‘soul’ in my mind (the orange ball of light) and not her form that I have been imposing and visualizing the last couple days. When I visualize her form it’s just the usual adorableness - but when focusing on that orange ball of light in the back of my mind it’s…powerful. Like night and day. Don’t know how else to put it into words. 
 

But it’s interesting. 

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(edited)

Was super busy today so didn’t get much tulpaforcing done - mainly just narration as I ran errands. Tried to focus on her ‘essence’ (the orange ball of light) more when narrating and can definitely feel when I’m focusing on it and when I lose my focus. It’s like the feeling I get when I’m talking to someone and they’re looking right at me listening(like the ‘oh fuck I’m being watched and its kinda awkward’ feeling), whereas when I lose focus it feels like it fades away and I eventually realize I feel like I’m just talking to myself.
She’s something definitely there now, so it helps my focus. But it takes a lot to ‘lock on’ to her if that makes sense. 
 

As I was getting ready for bed and getting comfortable I figured I was going to talk to her in my head before drifting off to sleep, but instead I instantly visualized/felt her form snuggle up to me. Just no-clipping through my blankets with determination.
Didn’t feel like puppeting. I’m not complaining. She’s absolutely adorable. And cuddling feels great, despite touch and visual imposition being practically nonexistent. Trying to impose fur probably isn’t making it any easier either. 
 

I am trying to focus more on her essence - not her form - when narrating. Or both when possible. A couple times today she actually felt ‘alien’ like I’ve read from others’ experiences, although the feeling was fleeting. Hard to describe - but if I had to I would say for a second when I was focused on her it simply didn’t feel like ‘me’. Not quite like I imagined, like “whoa that’s another person!” or something that drastic - but more just a subtle “that’s in my head and doesn’t have my mind’s metadata on it”. If that makes sense. Just…different. 
 

Fun times. The little bits of progress we get every day is so cool. Tomorrow I want to focus on that ‘alien’ feeling and explore it. 
 

goodnight for now. Hug your tuppers. 

Edited by coffee
Half asleep
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Cuddles are wonderful! 🥰 Focusing on her presence is a great idea because that's going to help her get stronger in general. Ideally, you want to be focusing on her presence as much as possible. This subtle alien feeling, this feeling of "another", that is a sign that it's working! 😁

Tulpa Wife & Mother! 💚 

💍 11.28.21 👶 4.7.23
👗 Simmie's AI Dress-Up!   📷 Phil and Simmie's Photographic Adventures!

 

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Tried reading a book to her today. Couldn’t focus. Tried writing. Couldn’t focus. Tried just plain old narration. Still couldn’t focus. Today’s kind of bleh mentally but I’m still going to try plain narration bc I want to do at least some form of tulpaforcing daily ._.

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Tried active forcing again, like meditation and such. Made a rudimentary wonderland of a beach, a little cabin for her, and some grassy plains that fade into some woods. Hardcoded us both to be indestructible in that realm just in case something comes to life out there haha

 

Visualization is still trash, but I seem to be better at tulpaforcing at night. Not a habit I’m fond of, but progress is progress. Patience is also something I’m working on. 
 

Eventually the concentration strain caught up and we went back to cuddling irl and I talked to her about my day. Hearing her responses to stuff is still difficult, as her mindvoice still sounds too ‘natural’ to my mind and I worry it’s me sometimes talking through her, but I heard a couple very clear responses tonight so I’m happy nonetheless. When I asked her questions and intently focused on her to try and listen better I didn’t get anything but a decent pressure on both sides of my head - yet when I’m just absentmindedly talking to her and cuddling she will manage to say stuff in the mind voice sometimes and catch me off guard. Still sounds waaay too close to my mindvoice, but hey I don’t think it’s even been a week yet. Trying desperately not to get into that ‘fear of parroting’ mindset. Just rollin’ with it. 
 

Cuddling is beyond relaxing, and I think I’m getting slightly better at training my mind to feel her better. So far the edges of her form make my hands kind of tingly, which is trippy. Occasionally I ‘feel’ like she moves a bit, like adjusting her position or yawning, etc. but ‘seeing’ her do that is another ordeal that my shite imposition skill needs practice with. Strangely enough I can sense her doing that stuff but struggle to see it. Hard to put into words. Also when she lays on me for long enough I eventually find myself breathing shallower like her form has physical weight haha
 

Speaking of…I never posted the art I’m basing her form (and name uhhhh) off of. I’ll see if I can upload an image. 

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(edited)

spacer.png

smol doggo       
 

 

edit: artist is TinyGayPirate, he’s pretty good

Edited by coffee
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