Coffee’s creation log

[coffee]

This morning I had a strange experience that felt like her ‘essence’ and form were separate entities - so I went into the wonderland and tried to link them together through visualization/symbolism. Basically just took her orange ball of light essence thing and embedded it inside the form’s chest, letting all the whirly-dirly magic tulpa stuff flow into the form. Yay symbolism. My brain loves that stuff. She immediately took control of the form and looked it over with a look of half surprise and half disgust. That was cute. Now I’m even more confident she’ll change it later haha
 

Even though I know her form is just an expression of her, narrating and imposing her feels much more like ‘her’ now…so I guess it kind of worked. Her presence is getting more pronounced day by day and I’m loving the progress. 
 

But mainly I made a post to document what happened not too long ago. I took my mother to a restaurant for dinner and in the middle of the conversation I ‘felt’ Apogee tune in to the conversation and impose herself next to me at the table. Like she was checking in to see what’s up. She looked at my food and then just held my arm and hung out for a minute before I got distracted and I guess she disappeared.
Real proud of her for that, though. I didn’t ‘summon’ her or anything she just did that. Outstanding. 

[coffee]

Responses have been staying steady. She’s still cuddly as hell, and that’s adorable, but when I ask her questions there hasn’t been much noticeable improvement in clarity or frequency of responses.

 

Been reading a lot from Luminesce on the forums here, and too much of what he says rings deep for me. Mainly his framework of how tulpas work/exist, how he views imposition vs ‘presence’ sensing, and even his views regarding guides and methods. Seems like a knowledgeable cat.

 

With Apogee I have noticed I can sort of feel when she’s thinking or trying to answer, though, and that’s fun to observe. It’s like I can watch her thoughts forming and turning over one another as she’s trying to formulate a response. To be blunt, it’s like watching clothes tumble in a dryer if the individual clothes were ‘thought parts’ haha

 

But the response being completed and ‘said’ is still rare. Sometimes I get responses that are clear and definitely her, but they’re garbled and completely unintelligible. I’m still talking to her and spending lots of time with her every night, as well as passive narration as I go about my day - which seems to be developing into our routine: passive narration or imposition during the day, cuddling and much more focused conversation and imposition at night. When imposed during the day she shows curiosity with every little thing going on around me, which is cute. 

I started asking her more open-ended questions about herself such as what she likes and the first answer I got was “you”. Made my heart melt. But I clarified the question to hobbies and interests and the only other thing I’ve managed to get back from her so far was “astronomy”. Any other responses are either silent, a garbled noise, or a simple “I don’t know…”

 

It has occurred to me maybe the reason I haven’t been getting good responses on the more personal questions is simply she hasn’t fully developed her likes/dislikes/personality yet. Maybe I’m expecting too much too soon?

I’ve always been into the “sentience from the start” ideology, but maybe I misunderstood it as ‘developed’ from the start and not simply ‘conscious’ from the start as I think it was intended. No matter - she likes astronomy and I can work with that. Pretty sure there’s some books at the local library I can read to her. 
 

I was tempted to try trait personality forcing again, but I don’t know. Forcing traits always felt like something to do at the very beginning. Like…once. After that I figured regular conversation and such should be enough to gently nudge her along development. That, and traits don’t really work for me as far as defining a personality - just a very rudimentary framework, or scaffolding if I’d even go that far. So even if I wanted to try ‘building’ her a personality I can’t really think of a way to do so…and it actually feels weird to do at this point. 
 

No work’s been done on the wonderland, as she seems to enjoy imposition much more anyways. 

[coffee]

So our nightly cuddle and chat session tonight was something. Apogee figured out how to communicate with emotions…albeit haphazardly. So she sent me emotional friggin’ blasts for like half an hour straight. 
 

Just eating waves of vertigo from hugging a half-imposed 5 day old tulpa. Her mindvoice made leaps and bounds tonight as well with vividly clear responses back to back for a good while, mainly about a mild argument we were having, but it seems like she either tired herself out or I’ve tired myself out because she’s back to being somewhat quiet. Anyway it’s 12am so I’m calling it for this session. 
 

So uh…yeah. Weird night. 

[coffee]

Relying less on imposition and going almost entirely with narration for now. Her presence is growing stronger and easier to ‘find’ in my head, and narrating to her feels more natural than it used to. Replies from her are still hit or miss for the most part. 

[TurboSimmie]

That's good to hear! 😊 Narration is so important at this stage!