I am in love with somebody i‘ve never seen

[Alexis Bk]

I feel completly insane for what i am about to writte. And i want to say first that i am a functional adult with a job and all but something strange happened. A few (two years ago) i started following a random guy on ig. For a long time i did not pay attention, he had a few non conclusive conversarions.  And time went by and i started realizing he was very similar to me. The way he approached most things. We were drawn into the same images and type of communication. He tended towards poetry and i felt like i fully understood everything he‘d say deeply. We had one long conversation about films and followed eachother on mubi… from then on it all went a bit strange. I followed onenof his friends on social media and he was stranged about it and reached out to me and asked me why did i do that and i said idk, because trully i did it acidentally just pressef the add suggested friends button. He did not say anything else after that, he would continue liking stuff and so but then he‘d send a message asking about something and later would never reply nor even open my message when i‘d reply. I‘d pay not much mind. He‘d do things to provoke me i noticed. Like, one of the movies i recommended him and which i said i loved he rated it on the lowest possible kbowing i‘d see it in his profile because he knew i would check his profile to seek for new movies to watch sometimes. Then he changed it to 5 stars out of nowhere one day. And latter on… ok at this point i am aware i am super obsessive. Anyway, i for some random reason i don‘t remember realized he had a girlfriend because she started stalking me on ig and even blocked me. That moment i blocked her back bc i found that very strange. There was really nothing between us. But some random weird interactions, i obviously thought he was intresting and beautiful because he is, but i did not know him. I felt very attracted ro him because of several things beyond that, like i‘d say even spiritualy but i knew this was not necessarilly reciprocated so tried to pay no more mind than i already was which was much. So well… i block the stalking gf and a few days latter i notice they stop following eachother. She starts subtweeting him and even me through mubi (that was very strange) but i‘d gossip about it and at some point i start doing the same but kind of from a place where i was not trying to be violent. However she was veing violent   At some point i probably was violent. He was so with me too. She at some point left and it was obly him and i. And we would continue to subtweet eschother. The narrative line was always very related and went on for almost a year. With a lot of consistency. Soletimes i‘d ve very focused on something else and i woud add a movie saying goodbye and all activities from both sides would cease. Then i‘d come back and he‘d reference my comming back. This has gotten more and more intimate to the point i feel i am questioning my obviously already altered sanity. I feel very strong things for him and i don‘t know him. I don‘t kbow if this strong connection is even real or going on at all. Or if i imagined everything. For a sec i tried making the experiment to go apopheninc with other people i have no theme with and it would not correspond.  No clear narrative lines of communication like i feel them with him. Like i‘ve even dedicated poems to him, he has seen then and liked then in the past. And posted some that seem like a reply to mine. But it is always on thr line of a frustrated desire. I don‘t know, i really feel crazy haha but i have never felt like this for someone. It is very overwhealmibg what i feel. My fantasies are overwhealming. I almost feel like a transverberation sometimes. Extreme amount of pleasure and faith and planitude. It is unexplainable but maybe definitely clinical lol. What do you think?

[ringgggg]

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Parasocial_interaction

[Lucilyn]

Well first of all - well, FIRST of all, this is totally unrelated to what this forum is about lol, but - 

First of all, that sounds like a toxic person who is not going to ever share a long-standing relationship with you, you don't want to associate with people who mess with or provoke you like that, because they will not suddenly become nice and caring people if you do end up together, they will remain gross and things will just keep getting bad again

 

Second, yeah being infatuated with someone feels really overwhelming and our brains think there MUST be some meaning in it, but there really isn't, it's just someone you've created lots of positive thoughts/feelings about

 

all you can really do (when the person is toxic, or taken, or so on) is distance yourself from them and wait for the feelings to fade, eventually moving on and finding someone better for you

 

 

but yeah this is a forum about intentional plurality (tulpas), not a general spirituality or relationship forum :P

[ringgggg]

4 minutes ago, Lucilyn said:

yeah this is a forum about intentional plurality (tulpas), not a general spirituality or relationship forum :P

Yeah, what she’s getting at.