Mad man's attempt to enlightenment/ice_puppy and Ka'myriz, the progress log

[ice_puppy]

I started working on Ka'myriz, around september 14, or a few days earlier. For the sake of consistency, even if not her real birthdate, this will be celebrated as a birthday.

 

It is late at night and this is a placeholder for when I have time. I probably won't post much.

 

Note on her name: Ka'myriz, pronounced KAH-mee-REEZ meaning "Beautiful Crystal" on a language I'm making up for a book. Ka meaning crystal and 'myriz being a suffix for beautiful. I could just call her Crystal, but she likes Ka'myriz more, and I have long since stopped saying crystal to refer to her.

Edited September 25, 2021 by ice_puppy

[ice_puppy]

It's not like anybody was holding their breaths with my progress report, but anyway, I apologize for the lack of entries. For the sake of avoiding confusion, her design is something like this:

 

The concept is for her to be made of pure energy manifesting a physical form, which is a glowing, silky, stringy, hot light. She basically can take any form she wants in this state. The usual is for her to make (force) an external vessel with a predefined shape and possess it. If not possessing anything, her skin will be like an energy shield would act, often felt in a hot, tingly, soft sensation.

 

Also, warning label for mild metaphysical. Before starting, I practised Aikido for at least 4 years. I tend to think of Ki, prana, and chi as the same thing with different names. I have no experience of knowledge of how does psi works but assume it's the same. I also have practised Yoga and am really focused on my Third Eye.

 

In the first few weeks I was working my way through visualization, a little bit of personality and energy giving (I would visualize making an energy current and directing it inside her so it "fills her up"), along with narration. I start feeling headpressure in my third eye area (a little bit up between the brows). I used to feel it when meditating on other things, but less intense. I call her Ka'miriz, meaning beautiful crystal in a language I made up for a novel I'm writing. The name Krystal is usually easier for people to remember, but she is always Ka'miriz when I talk to her. I start feeling her and I feel wonderful.

 

I decide to give her a wonderland. Most people have a default "happy place". I do not. I wondered for a long time what my wonderland should be. I finally decided for it to be a forest grove, with a cave covered by a waterfall (which I basically put there for meditation). Atop the cave and the waterfall was a plain with a river. In the plain I set up a large home with many rooms, for storing many useful things for Ka'miriz to use. Between them were all the musical instruments I have played (whether or not I own them IRL), a painting studio, a writing studio, a martial arts room, etc. Aside from that large home I built a library with all my memories and knowledge. I gave it a digital-analogue fusion look. It had real books but it also held a digital interactive search machine and all the data was also to be seen as holographs. I gave her permission to enter it and fill herself with knowledge, and to know my memories.

 

I had a tight schedule at school this past semester and it was hard finding time to force, so I basically talked to her when I walked alone. I also like to give deep thought monologues on life's meaning, souls, identities, religions, the reason to exist, existence itself while taking a bath. I used to do that while talking to myself, and tried to redirect it to her. Sometimes I forget and start talking to myself again.

 

I started to work on vocalization, the lack of response, other than headpressure, driving me anxious. I got a response one day, and we had a short conversation. I don't remember what it was. However, she seems able to ask questions but when I try to ask her and hear her answer sometimes it would get distorted/barred by my intrusive thought or guess of what she would answer. This is why, other than spending time in the library I gave her, I don't really know now what she's up to everyday.

It seemed to last a short time and soon I went anxious that she talked one day and didn't from then on.

 

Once, under a meditation trance, I heard a gibberish female voice speak. I assumed it was Ka'miriz, but nothing could be made of what I heard. This is the first time I heard her in a hallucinative sort of way.

 

I have since experienced a sine wave of progress on vocalization, making progress and getting progress loss. However, my visualization only seems to improve.

 

She once asked me why I created her while I was in a shower. I went on a monologue about creation/creator, love, gods, and my own motives for creating her, and my own doubts of my existence as well. I congratulated her for such a good question and was happy for her.

I once visualized her and me practising a musical instrument together, but I have never done it again to see progress.

 

I started using a hypnosis recording, by Dialogues. It improved my visualization a lot but I have yet to have progress in vocalization. I also feel her very strongly now most of the time.

This is the track

I overlaid an isochronic tone with it to help me otherwise be on known territory.

 

Also, I have tried to let her possess my finger while in trance before yoga class, and once it did move. I told her to practice looking at how I and other people move their bodies and to try and possess me at night. I have not heard a progress report from her tough.

 

The other day I had a 3 hour trip to my grandmother's house in another city, so I imagined her in the road, skipping through cars and jumping about. Making new outfits/shells out of thin air, possessing them and applying the physics of said bodies to her. It was a very fun visualization and helped me finally establish her never used before ability to force bodies and possess them.

 

Right now I'm having trouble communicating/narrating with her, or anybody on that extent. i tend to feel I have told her everything, and I'm terrible at making small talk. Also, for some reason I tend to assume she already knows what I did so I feel weird telling her what just happened.

The other day, while playing halo, I thought it would be interesting to refer to her just like MC refers to Cortana. I have yet to implement this onto practice.

---

Also, my motives for creating her were getting into a journey to the deep interior of my self. Basically trying to have a Virgil to my quest inside my own mind. For enlightenment / happiness / finding out who I am / etc.

 

It has served to my thinking and I have meditated a lot on the implications of the existence of tulpa with the existing reality. I sometimes wonder if the universe isn't just a wonderland for some messed up dude somewhere and we're in his head.

Edited September 25, 2021 by Icekler
deleting deadname

[ice_puppy]

I come to report on a small but important progress. She now has changed her attitude and is a little bit more witty than before, and I think she was exposed to 4chan for too long. She now reads my mind all the time, and comments on things I do, or things I think about things I will do. I do not directly talk to her but she responds, sometimes negatively, sometimes in agreement. She got kind of a British accent, kind of resembling Alice Liddle's one from me playing too much Alice: Madness Returns. When I directly talk to her, she now responds every time, though I still communicate more by how she responds to my undirected thoughts. She has matured in attitude, and I can no longer think of her as a little girl, but more as a girl my age (18). This surprised me the first days it happened, mainly because it happened out of nowhere, and most of her replies to my train of thoughts were antagonizing ones. (kind of like how everyone calls everyone a faggot in 4chan, doesn't matter what they do)

 

Meanwhile, I have stopped visualizing too much, but I can tell she changes her haircut everyday, and I'm not entirely sure how tall she is at all, having no comparison to anything.

 

I think she has possessed my index left finger once or twice, but apart from that, I've not other progress to report. I'm trying imposition now, and continue to work with visualization.

 

Also, my wonderland is much more defined now, with it's established personalized laws (as in, gravity and all that), and this helps me enter it with more ease.

 

The other day, for example, I struggled walking on top of some floating stones, which were supposed to hold still, but in change moved when I stepped on them, making me fall to the water. I now don't have any trouble with that.

[ice_puppy]

Today is her birthday, and so much, yet so little has changed. I usually talk to her while taking a shower, while in the bathroom or when I'm alone. We speak more in japanese than in english because my japanese classes are intense and fill my head all the day. I usually visualize her only while in the shower. I still have no idea what she does with her own time and I still comment on her like she was seeing all that I do. She responds accordingly. Her form still varies a little, mainly bodyshape and haircut, but her voice got animesque, like a girl from a cute anime. She is supposed to be able to change shapes but I see her in her girl form all the time. She doesn't like the idea of being an animal, but she does do dressups once in a while. I have given her a small device that lets her have a "pause menu" to change clothes and the sort, research or other stuff.

 

I have no idea what to do for her on her birthday, besides forcing her a cake.

[Shui]

That's awesome that you speak to her in Japanese. I bet it helps your Japanese as much as it helps her.

 

That remote sounds pretty cool too. I have a servitor that does something similar to that.

[ice_puppy]

>stuff

 

Hey, I had no idea people actually read progress reports, haha, thanks.

 

I've been out of this site for a while. Actually, almost 6 months. What happened? I'm guessing you're new here, relatively.

[Shui]

Well, Dr. Faust read mine, so I started read other people's, and now several of the newer members are doing it. I like to think we've started a trend.

 

Yeah, I'm newer. I've been here since mid to late July. I guess I'm not the best person to ask about what happened. Lots of the older members seem to think that this place has gone downhill, but I think it's working out fine.