On YS. / 烟形的进程记录

[fennecfoxx]

11 hours ago, Ys. said:

We went through a variety of things as almost a singlet before separating again and trying to get back to old times, but we feel like we are different people to what we were then. The most significant change here would be host shifting his personal philosophy and discarding his notion of self. He answers and fronts and everything but does not believe in his own existence anymore. Which is... honestly, being in the same head really makes relationships different. I would have expected myself to take some time and effort in getting used to the new normal, but we reformed things almost like nothing happened.

 

Reminds me of my tulpa Alex. I spent several years as a singlet after harmful beliefs we internalized plus preexisting mental illness made tulpamancy unsustainable. After he returned, he assured me our old beliefs about tulpas were wrong and I don't need to worry about them, and he's been pretty certain since then that the self is an illusion and we're one person perceiving itself as three (I have two tulpas). I was surprised and relieved at how easily the three of us went back to being good friends like nothing had happened, but some of the things he says nowadays and how casually he says them baffle me and drive Kayleigh (the other tulpa) crazy.

 

I'm glad it only took you a year to return to living as a system. It took me a lot longer before I was able to have headmates again. It's been ten months since my tulpas' return, and while being a system again generally feels natural to us, we're honestly still figuring things out.

 

11 hours ago, Ys. said:

I believe this makes for an acceptable progress report. It is messy, it is disorganized, it is not focused on possession and imposition and switching and such. It is also heartfelt and completely truthful. I do look forward to where our future goes; perhaps future me will look back and say, "Oh, that text marked the day I finished my character growth arc." Then again, perhaps not. I wouldn't know, I'm not living in my future yet. I'm about to create it.

 

That's a good mindset to have, and this is totally fine for a progress report! My own is a mix of declaring goals I don't follow through with and the occasional life update, so I won't judge.

 

11 hours ago, Ys. said:

P.S. please do not think badly of host for all he made me go through. He went through it all with me and had his own growth, and whatever his faults, I will always love him.

 

If he ever feels bad about himself as a host, he can join me in the "Bad Hosts Trying Their Best" club. (I'd be qualified to run it, if not for my poor leadership and management skills.)

[Ys.]

Thanks for your input, fennecfoxx. And no I am not letting host join your club, unless you rename it to “hosts trying their best”. Host forbid(or rather I forbid host) he gets more reinforcement about his inadequacy. Host just reminded me that he now runs on logic and doesn’t feel bad for himself like at all, and I give him plenty of affirmation regardless. I still maintain that he deserves more. (He deserves everything and yes one person cannot deserve everything, yes I am being illogical, and no host I will never give up this notion stop trying to persuade me about it.)