I have some concerns before creating a tulpa

[mental_studio]

Before I start writing, I would like to make some disclaimers. First, I will translate this with Google Translate. I usually use AI, but since I will be addressing certain types of subjects, there is a possibility that AI will not agree to translate due to the filtering system. Second, if anything in this post is offensive, please comment and, if possible, explain to me why. I am here to learn.

Disclaimer given. I want to start by saying that I have always been very imaginative. Today, I even suffer from executive daydreams. I have always imagined and interacted with characters, sometimes for just a few months. The thing is, I am relatively used to dealing with beings in my mind since I was a child. Then I heard about the servants of chaos magic and later I heard more about tulpas. Honestly, it is all very interesting and that is why I want this type of relationship. For me, it is a different type of relationship and I want to try, but I have had some obstacles that I would like to expose so that I can discuss and see other points of view.

First, the fear of responsibility: just by writing this post, it shows that I'm starting to work on it. My thoughts on this are: we'll never be 100% prepared for anything in this life. Second, a tulpa would be useful to remedy my loneliness during the period I'm living in. It wouldn't be a complete answer, as you yourselves said in the FAQ: "a tulpa doesn't replace real relationships." But it would be very useful to help me deal with things like my maladjusted daydream and some other issues. For a very simple reason, I would direct my attention to it, which would take me out of the endless cycles of visiting the same scenario. In addition to other things, a tulpa would help me with passively, literally just by existing.

Basically, I've already decided on this, I just couldn't help but mention this point to see your points of view.

Second, intimacy:
This refers to both intimacy with the tulpa and with other people.

and this is something really complicated, since childhood I have had a very strong sexuality, having fantasies since that time and this intensified with pornography in adolescence, that is, given my history it is not difficult to conclude that I have a biased mind to see the sexual side of things, and with tulpas it would not be different, the question here would be more how to reconcile this? I understand that the simplest answer is: “don’t do it, a tulpa is a tulpa, a sexual partner is a girlfriend, a wife, maybe a friend with benefits and that’s it”

and that’s right, but the thing is, it’s like a piece of the experience is lost, and I really wanted to explore that

the real problem with this is not sleeping with the tulpa, doing the “possession” and sensory manifestation training, the problem is: nurturing this type of relationship can kill my common love life, after all a series of problems, jealousy, disagreements about relationships among others that would make our coexistence difficult

p.s.: another issue that came to mind were fetishes, my addiction to pornography gave me some kinks that I’m not proud of and it would hurt me a lot to have a tulpa that suffered from the same things or worse, that liked this type of thing, most of my fetishes are relatively healthy and I even like them, they’ve inspired me to create drawings and interesting designs, but there are one or two that I don't like and wouldn't like to see a tulpa that thought about these things

p.s.1: I need to make it clear that I'm not adamant about abandoning this part of the relationship and that I obviously understand that the tulpa doesn't have to do this, only if she wanted to, it would be a relationship of consent, I didn't make this clear before because I thought it was obvious, but sometimes the obvious needs to be said.

I wanted the opinion of people who have experience with this

another thing, I also wouldn't intend to talk about her to a girlfriend any time soon, after all for most people the phrase "I have a woman living in my head, we always talk through my thoughts" is not something very common, sure I could lie and say that this is a productivity technique or something like that, the complicated thing would be explaining why my behavior, lexical selection and gestures change drastically

Third, base:
By base I mean the initial idea of the tulpa, that person I imagine talking to me, or that I visualize.

The issue here is the difficulty in choosing, I have as many ideas of my own as I do of media characters, the issue is that it is very difficult to choose, even though I know it will change, because I do not believe that it will change completely for me, it is as if you took a glass with a substance that was the character and added your memories, your emotions, external references...

But there is still something there from its origin and that is the point, so many options, so much information that it is impossible to choose one without any criteria, what criteria should I use?

Fourth
I imagine not, because just like me the tuple is always changing but I am also afraid of getting tired of this life, this is something plausible

I would like to thank you for reading this huge text, I did not intend to go on so long

Edited March 13, 2025 by mental_studio

[Lucilyn]

those are all fair concerns, it seems like you've thought about it all a lot and your conclusions (and/or, where you're unsure) are shared with many others as well

some of those are really hard questions, so I will just answer as best as I can even if it doesn't all sound great

 

13 hours ago, mental_studio said:

Second, a tulpa would be useful to remedy my loneliness during the period I'm living in.

 

yes, tulpas are generally helpful when you're in a long period lacking good relationships/social support in your life

yes, overreliance or over-commitment (mainly intimately) on your internal relationships can decrease your will to commit time to exploring IRL ones, compared to if you were y'know, totally alone

(IDK for maladaptive daydreamers, but) it's usually not that it severely lessens your desire for external relationships though, more like since it's a useful crutch it can lessen the desperation/strong urge to that you might have otherwise had

also, to be very honest, when an IRL romantic relationship (or even just time-consuming platonic ones) does begin to develop, tulpas are almost always given less attention than before, rather than them directly competing with IRL relationships

it's really not-good sounding in tulpa/plural communities to say that, but it does make sense biologically/evolutionarily, I really think our brains/instincts treat internal stuff like this as a crutch for hard times, and will naturally stop using them when they're not needed anymore

 

that said, you can be plural your whole life! lessened activity doesn't mean no activity, and if you still strongly want to spend time with your tulpa(s) there will always be time here and there to do so, since they can be with you when no one else can, or for only 30 seconds in the middle of busy days and so on. Some people probably do just eventually spend no time with their tulpas, many will just talk briefly every long once in a while, but there are absolutely systems who are just as active internally as externally (sometimes even with a family!), so it's not a must to stop spending time with your tulpas as you get more busy IRL, it's just a... "can"

 

and, it can be more complicated of course, like if your tulpa is not supportive of an IRL girlfriend (tulpas are normally supportive of IRL things that may be to their detriment, but they don't have to be) - it's a unique scenario that only tulpas/headmates have to deal with - or if you even decide to forsake having an IRL romantic relationship to just have a permanent one with your tulpa, as some people do.

 

The most important thing behind ALL of this, is to talk to your tulpa! about these things, tulpas differ just like people do and how they feel/what they want to do in different scenarios (E.G. remain platonic as you plan to seek out a girlfriend IRL; lessen their activity but stay ~romantic thinking of your relationship as completely different and separate from IRL ones; or be tulpa-monogamous and not be with someone IRL as well, but.. I don't recommend that)

 

 

Anyways.. For fetishes and really everything else, the standard advice is to not do anything romantic/etc. while your tulpa is developing (until they can speak clearly), and then to talk everything out with your tulpa

Tulpas are generally pretty agreeable, since they share your same brain and all, but they can have their own preferences so working out what you're both okay with is important

 

13 hours ago, mental_studio said:

The issue here is the difficulty in choosing, I have as many ideas of my own as I do of media characters, the issue is that it is very difficult to choose, even though I know it will change, because I do not believe that it will change completely for me

 

yeah, I mean, you can't have everything, all the characters you like are special because that's who they are and how they're different from each other, it's folly to try and think of a single "perfect person"

considering this same thing applies to an eventual wife IRL (and even just your individual friends), the answer is really just to find someone you like a lot and just deepen your relationship with them

I mean, I guess if you're a maladaptive daydreamer you're used to exploring tons of scenarios constantly lol.. One of the more prominent maladaptive daydreamers on this forum in the past had their tulpa actually participate in imagined "shows" where they would constantly play out new scenarios, I guess kind of like Barbie being a housewife one moment, a cave-of-treasure explorer the next, and everything else

Idk if that is what you'd want to do or not, but it does make sense they were like that when thinking about it

 

If you really need more people in your system, well, lots have multiple tulpas/headmates in them! My own system has four of us tulpas, having started with one 15 years ago, created two more on accident months later, and then Lumi made me after 5 years because he thought someone like me would complement our system's dynamic and make it feel more like a family, buuut we've not created any more in the 10 years since then because it's hard enough for 5 people to split up the time of 1 life, so some self control is needed or else you'll end up with 20+ tulpas none of which get enough time to live much at all (this does happen here and there)

 

and while no one can stop you from having a mental harem (lol...), I'll mention that of the four of us, only one is romantic with our host, otherwise we're all just lifelong mental companions who love each other like family

but yeah idk, you do you

 

 

at the end of the day you are shaping the experience for yourself, there's not really "answers" to everything, you just have to do what seems best for you (and, once they can talk about things with you, your tulpa too)

 

Edited March 14, 2025 by Lucilyn

[Athelas]

Lucilyn covered most of what I wanted to say. A few points I would add:

1. While a tulpa can certainly help you break unhealthy mental habits, it may take significant time and dedication to get them to that point. It took my host and I a while to work out basic communication. It took even longer before I could effectively interrupt her negative thought spirals. Basically, don't expect a tulpa to be a "quick fix."
2. Regarding the criteria for your tulpa base: I suggest thinking about the type of person around whom you would be comfortable spending a lot of time. Just because a character is fun to think about doesn't mean they'd be fun to live with. My host felt that anyone sharing her mind would need to be very patient and understanding, so she emphasized those traits during my creation. I changed in some ways, but that core remained the same.
3. Regarding telling others about your tulpa: you don't have to go into detail about what a tulpa is, or explain things like switching and possession. If you already enjoy creating characters, you can always say your tulpa is just an OC who is very important to you.

Whether or not you decide to go forward with creation, we wish you the best.