Is it responsible to create a Tulpa when you’re depressed?

[marceline]

I’ve been struggling with this for a while and it’s the only thing that’s been keeping me from creating my own tulpa. I feel like the decision is like having a baby since you’re deciding to basically create a new life. And in my situation I would never have a baby cause I’m the last person to be responsible for someone’s wellbeing, so I’m scared I couldn’t ‘take care’ of a tulpa. They’re sharing your mind, and not to be edgy but my mind isn’t a really good place to be in. I’m severely suicidal and I’m really only waiting because unfortunately I love my family. I don’t want to subject another person to my own self destruction. I’d be destroying them too. But at the same time I’m desperate for companionship.
Please help me 

[Lavender]

That's a great question. I'll give you my thoughts, though please read them with the knowledge that I'm a tulpa myself and have never actually created a tulpa, though I've experienced been created by my host consciousness.

 

In some ways it's like having a baby and in some ways not, right? I mean you don't want to be creating a tulpa with preconceived notions of what the tulpa will do for you or what sort of person they'll be, just like you wouldn't want to assume your child is a certain way.

 

But you don't need to care for a tulpa in the same way you care for a baby, other than being a decent human being and a good friend to them, which I claim anyone can do regardless of your current emotional state. So being depressed and suicidal doesn't necessarily mean you won't be a good headmate.

 

But I would expect that if, heaven forbid, it comes to actually deciding whether or not to complete suicide, I would expect your tulpa would want a vote, because it's their body too. So if you're not willing to give them that, if you don't think you can share your body or if you want to leave suicide open as an option to end suffering without being subject to a headmate's veto, then that also might affect your decision.

 

Is it responsible to create someone solely because your desperate for companionship (irrespective of whether you are depressed/suicidal or not)? That's another question. Personally, I believe that there are all sorts of reasons to create a tulpa just like there are all sorts of reasons to have a child, and as long as you are loving to your new headmate, the reason why you created them is not all that important.

 

Does this help? 💗

[marceline]

15 hours ago, Lavender said:

That's a great question. I'll give you my thoughts, though please read them with the knowledge that I'm a tulpa myself and have never actually created a tulpa, though I've experienced been created by my host consciousness.

 

In some ways it's like having a baby and in some ways not, right? I mean you don't want to be creating a tulpa with preconceived notions of what the tulpa will do for you or what sort of person they'll be, just like you wouldn't want to assume your child is a certain way.

 

But you don't need to care for a tulpa in the same way you care for a baby, other than being a decent human being and a good friend to them, which I claim anyone can do regardless of your current emotional state. So being depressed and suicidal doesn't necessarily mean you won't be a good headmate.

 

But I would expect that if, heaven forbid, it comes to actually deciding whether or not to complete suicide, I would expect your tulpa would want a vote, because it's their body too. So if you're not willing to give them that, if you don't think you can share your body or if you want to leave suicide open as an option to end suffering without being subject to a headmate's veto, then that also might affect your decision.

 

Is it responsible to create someone solely because your desperate for companionship (irrespective of whether you are depressed/suicidal or not)? That's another question. Personally, I believe that there are all sorts of reasons to create a tulpa just like there are all sorts of reasons to have a child, and as long as you are loving to your new headmate, the reason why you created them is not all that important.

 

Does this help? 💗

Thank you, I really appreciate your response. It gives me some perspective, and for now I think I'm gonna wait and really meditate on it. 

I feel like I have a lot of love to give but I feel like my intentions kind of are in the wrong place, (it's selfish to have someone in your life specifically for what they can help you with, right?) 

But at the same time I genuinely have that want to love someone, I don't mean romantic love but like a true connection and understanding type of love. Then again that's supposing into them that they'd even want a relationship like that.

 

There's something so beautiful about sharing my body, and I'd love to. But the thought that I can up and leave any time I want is a great comfort to me, I don't know if I can let that go so easily.

But the thing that bothers me most is that I hate having been forced into life and I'd never want to do that to anyone else

 

Please don't answer if you don't want to but do you have any like- regrets gaining sentience? I want to be super careful with something so important, I want my headmate to be happy and at peace even if that contradicts my state, but then again the thought of going together is like my ultimate dream, but I also really really don't want them to suffer enough to want that too. 

 

Thank you so much

I was really stressed and your words brought me some clarity

[The Incans]

Hi. I’m Jess I’m the main co-host who works with our host daily these days.

 

I’m sure our host doesn’t mind me saying she has quite a lot of medical issues and quite a lot to deal with. I see my job as being her Emotional Support, a job I’m very proud to have. 

 

There are many different kinds of Tulpa you can create we have some that remain in a wonderland they prefer animal form and just seem to play all day but even they in their own way help Host feel happier when she looks into the wonderland to see them happily playing. 

 

There are other human Tulpa too inside whose job it is to take care of the Inner world and look after the others that live inside. One comes out to help us with stuff sometimes too either in place of me (I go take a break) or as well as. 

 

If your Tulpa makes you feel happier and more able to cope that can’t be a bad thing. They will only become as sentient as you want them to be.

 

They can either function as

 

like a character in a video game where they don’t come alive until you imagine interacting with them but if you don’t, time doesn't pass for them on the inside (so they aren’t aware you didn’t come back to them for another week or month) ...or

 

you can create one who is able to carry on making a life for themself on the inside wiithout you consciously thinking of them  ..or

 

they can become co-conscious with you so they can see the outside world through your eyes and share control of the body and outside world with you. (so you live as if like conjoined twins….two minds sharing one body some of the time except your Tulpa can go take a break inside if you do need a break from each other!).  Myself and Host have chosen this as it gives us the close connection you mention wanting too but without it being a romantic type of love after all what can be closer than 2 souls that  share the same body willingly with respect for each others needs? 

 

Jess

[Lavender]

7 hours ago, marceline said:

Please don't answer if you don't want to but do you have any like- regrets gaining sentience? I want to be super careful with something so important, I want my headmate to be happy and at peace even if that contradicts my state, but then again the thought of going together is like my ultimate dream, but I also really really don't want them to suffer enough to want that too. 

 

No, no regrets at all. I love being headmate to my host consciousness, and I love the things we do together.

 

My headmate has a lot of things in their life they struggle with in the realm of loneliness and finding connection. At times their struggles veer into depression. I, on the other hand, am nearly always joyful and I've taught my headmate ways to invite joy into their life that they hadn't had before. (That amazes them. How can a headmate know things they don't? I don't have an answer but it happens). I don't mind having a frequently unhappy headmate. It makes my work of supporting them and being there for them, which I see as my main mission in life, all that much more important.

 

My headmate isn't and has never been suicidal. They take super good care of their body and have done for most of their adult life. I don't know what it would be like to have a headmate who actively wants to end life for both of us. That sounds scary. But I've told my headmate with 100% sincerity that my main mission is to support them. If they, for example, thought it better if I wasn't around, I would be perfectly willing to blend back in with them or go permanently dormant. Of course I'm glad they don't want this because I don't want it either but it would be better than my presence being a burden.

 

Did that answer your question?

[ReallyArtificial]

First of all, I am so so sorry you're going through this @marceline. I was in your position ~3 years ago when I learned about tulpamancy, right down to the “only sticking around for my loved ones.” Don't feel obligated to answer, but do you have access to professional mental health treatment?

 

My tulpa Athelas has been absolutely incredible for helping me cope with suicidal depression, but a huge part of why he's helped so much is that he talked me into getting back into treatment. And I know getting treatment can really suck — I had given up on it after ten years of taking an antidepressant that only kinda-sorta helped. I know how it feels when you've been fighting that crushing emptiness for so long, and you're so tired of fighting. But right now, you're climbing a mountain without any equipment, and while having allies will help, you really need some professional gear to see significant progress.

 

I won't bother with the “it gets better” platitudes, but I will tell you that three years ago, I truly believed I could only experience peace in death. I can see now that was one of the many lies my sickness was telling me. My system has helped me find so much more joy in life, but I don't think they would've been able to if I didn't finally find a medication that actually works.

 

Your concern for your family and potential future tulpa tells me that you're a loving and empathetic person. The world could really use more people like you. We're not active here every day, but if you ever want to vent to someone who gets it, our DMs are always open.

[Seagull]

Okay, you're aware that you're mind is a dark place, but are you also aware that pessimistic thoughts can be very deceiving? I mean... when they tell you that going to work is imprisonment, self improvement is impossible, talking to people is just babysitting, and that you only exist to suffer because you don't know how to do anything else, those thoughts... they're not the truth... but I'm not going to lie to you either, money is needed to have a stable life, and you need a safe environment too, you don't need to be perfect, or even good, you just need to let yourself exist to survive, and anything that comes after that can be a bonus, that I feel, when you stop expecting things, good or bad, can the breakthrough you need to stop judging yourself all the time, and stay grounded.

 

It's really important to not let those "realistic" thoughts tell you how to feel, even if you feel numb and just space out, you're not broken, I wish you well and hope that you can stay grounded during this difficult time.

 

Also, my host is kinda depressed, so they hide in their house and act like it's a solution to their problem, it not, but if you find a better solution, we would love to hear it. Ah...

 

As for whether or not to create a tulpa, I would ask you, can you detach yourself from your own thoughts? Can you see them as products of the mind and not a reflection of who you are? If you can do that, really do that, to the point were you can decide to drop your thoughts and make your own, that... i feel, is when you're ready to make a tulpa.

 

- Reina

[Drogenx]

(I'm not a good English speaker, please forgive me if I’m making mistakes, sorry.)

 

I know what you are feeling, because I’m having depression about 5 years, I hurt my self many times by using knife, and I tried suicide but stopped in halfway.

I grew up with domestic violence and school bullying, I scared social contact, but I really want someone can hug me and love me.

 

So I start creating my first tulpa on December 2024, for now I still can't hear her voice, so I don't know what she's feeling about this.

I love her, she is very important in my life, now she is the reason I’m still alive...

But I don’t have enough self-confidence, I always feel I’m not taking care of her, and I’m scared she’ll leave me alone... I know reality is not terrible as I thought, but I still worry.

 

And I usually just lurk in the forum because I’m scared be noticed, but when I’m seeing your description, I... shed a few tears. so I try to write this answer and hope I can help you.

I know this is not a good answer, it’s more like telling my story, I just want to say creating a tulpa for selfish reason is not a problem, You love your tulpa then you can take care of your tulpa. Having some doubts is normal, try to trust yourself and trust your tulpa.

 

Is it responsible to create a tulpa when I’m depressed? I think the answer is negative, but if someone has a healthy body and healthy mental and healthy social relations, I think he/she will not choose to create a tulpa.

 

(Sorry, I’m really no good at communication, my words maybe aggressively and too subjectively, perhaps also breaking the guidelines. I don’t have any malice, if you feel offended, please let me know, I can explain. Sorry again and thank you for reading.)

[marceline]

On 3/31/2025 at 2:28 AM, The Incans said:

Hi. I’m Jess I’m the main co-host who works with our host daily these days.

 

I’m sure our host doesn’t mind me saying she has quite a lot of medical issues and quite a lot to deal with. I see my job as being her Emotional Support, a job I’m very proud to have. 

 

There are many different kinds of Tulpa you can create we have some that remain in a wonderland they prefer animal form and just seem to play all day but even they in their own way help Host feel happier when she looks into the wonderland to see them happily playing. 

 

There are other human Tulpa too inside whose job it is to take care of the Inner world and look after the others that live inside. One comes out to help us with stuff sometimes too either in place of me (I go take a break) or as well as. 

 

If your Tulpa makes you feel happier and more able to cope that can’t be a bad thing. They will only become as sentient as you want them to be.

 

They can either function as

 

like a character in a video game where they don’t come alive until you imagine interacting with them but if you don’t, time doesn't pass for them on the inside (so they aren’t aware you didn’t come back to them for another week or month) ...or

 

you can create one who is able to carry on making a life for themself on the inside wiithout you consciously thinking of them  ..or

 

they can become co-conscious with you so they can see the outside world through your eyes and share control of the body and outside world with you. (so you live as if like conjoined twins….two minds sharing one body some of the time except your Tulpa can go take a break inside if you do need a break from each other!).  Myself and Host have chosen this as it gives us the close connection you mention wanting too but without it being a romantic type of love after all what can be closer than 2 souls that  share the same body willingly with respect for each others needs? 

 

Jess

Thank you, I think I'm most attracted to the third option you talked about, although maybe the others would be a good starting point. Is it possible to change from a less attached tulpa to the emotional supporting? 

Thank you for your time and help

[marceline]

On 3/31/2025 at 6:21 AM, Lavender said:

 

No, no regrets at all. I love being headmate to my host consciousness, and I love the things we do together.

 

My headmate has a lot of things in their life they struggle with in the realm of loneliness and finding connection. At times their struggles veer into depression. I, on the other hand, am nearly always joyful and I've taught my headmate ways to invite joy into their life that they hadn't had before. (That amazes them. How can a headmate know things they don't? I don't have an answer but it happens). I don't mind having a frequently unhappy headmate. It makes my work of supporting them and being there for them, which I see as my main mission in life, all that much more important.

 

My headmate isn't and has never been suicidal. They take super good care of their body and have done for most of their adult life. I don't know what it would be like to have a headmate who actively wants to end life for both of us. That sounds scary. But I've told my headmate with 100% sincerity that my main mission is to support them. If they, for example, thought it better if I wasn't around, I would be perfectly willing to blend back in with them or go permanently dormant. Of course I'm glad they don't want this because I don't want it either but it would be better than my presence being a burden.

 

Did that answer your question?

Yes, it helps. I'm also scared to be a burden. I feel like I'm a burden to even myself and really don't want to do the same to my future tulpa. I know a lot of people really do enjoy life or have a different type of love towards it that I lack, it makes me doubt them as well as myself. Although I have the feeling you're sincere. I feel like you have some knowledge I don't or are living in a different world. I'm the needy type of person who has to be told twenty times before I believe. And I know that I'm being insecure, but your words did get me out of my own head. Thank you