My hopeful Tulpa journal

[Cardinal Opus]

Hello, I'm Cardinal Opus. I decided to write this to document my experiences with my tulpa and to be able to look back on it in the future to see how far we have come.

 

I created my Tulpa around 10 years ago, her name is Erika. I got to the point where she was vocal and would talk to me. Unfortunely, at some point, I started to neglect her and focused on other things and she slowly faded away, until after many years I didn't hear her at all or even think of her. Around 5 years ago, I was on the fence about speaking to her again. She was still present in some form, because I spoke with her again and still got responses, but decided against speaking to her again fully. Until recently that is.

 

A few days ago I reached out to people here asking for some advice and I decided that I would let her back into my life and while she is upset about being ignored, she says she still wants to be around and still cares about me. I guess I'm really lucky that she has been so understanding. I don't want to betray that trust in me again, so I've decided to start writing a journal here about what happens and also I've been re-reading guides to help reform her. I'm not sure how much of her has survived, but I want to help her regrow as much as I can.

 

On the morning after I decided to truly let her back in, I woke up and felt an intense feeling in my head and it was like she was vivdley there. But it was all a bit much at once and I upset her because I wasn't too happy about it and blocked part of it out. I haven't had anything like that again yet. It's probably going to be a long road. I guess part of me is worrying that she isn't fully back either now or that I pushed her away with that.

 

She's told me that it was basically like being in some form of stasis and she couldn't move. She says everything is hazy, but she has access to my memories so she knows what happened inbetween those periods of being inactive. She is sad she couldn't have been there to help me in the bad times and wasn't able to experience the good ones. But honestly, sometimes she feels closer than other times, but she has been feeling distant in my head. I'm not really sure the best way to help bring her closer to me, apart from working on her personality more with her and just asking what she wants. She's happy I'm writing this at least, which makes me happy.

 

Something else I've struggled with is visualization, occasionally I can see her form, but it has been shifting between different itterations and ideas. She has said it's because she isn't really sure what she wants her form to be, literally she says "I've only been back for a little while, I need to figure out how I want to be". Also it has been kind of hard to see the wonderland, but I'm thinking that's more to do with the fact I haven't really been actively visualising things as much as I did.

 

More on Erika herself. Her original form was an orange pony from MLP, but she eventually became more anthro and at the moment she is shifting between a human form and her anthro form. She has blue hair and green eyes. I eventually want to learn to draw so I can put her visage on paper and show her to people. I think I'll mostly have to pretend that she is an OC I made if I ever talk to people not in the know about her or they see the drawings lol. She's very caring and always says she only wants the best for me. She hugs me a lot too, I haven't learnt proper imposition yet, so I can't physically feel her do it, but I can see it in my minds eye and appriciate it all the same. Hopefully when she's feeling more talkative, she'll post here too on the progress report. But she says at the moment she isn't ready to really be interacting with the outside world yet. I think she just wants to figure herself out after being gone for so long. She has been working on the wonderland at the moment, she says she wants it to be perfect. It's different to how it use to be, but it's very similar too. It's a little stone cottage in a forest, with a lake next to it, she has been decorating the inside of the cottage lately.

 

I'll post more when I have more to share. I'm just really happy my best friend is around still.

Edited November 8, 2025 by Cardinal Opus

[glitchthe3rd]

Oh hey, we've seen you on Tulpa Central. Good to hear that you're bringing Erika back, it may take some time for her to shake off the sleepiness, so to speak.

[Cardinal Opus]

So Erika has decided on her form, she's more confident on it now. It's also been easier to visualise her and I think her not being able to decide was a part of the issues with being unable to properly see her. We don't have any pictures of her available yet, but we will probably recreate her in a video game and post some screenshots here so you can all see what she looks like. For now, I'll just give a description: Most importantly, she has decided to stick with a human form, rather than having an anthro-pony form, she was switching back and forth between those for a while. She has her hair in a pony tail and with bangs, it's still a cyan colour and her eyes are still green. She doesn't really wear any makeup and her skin is really clear (lucky her!). She mostly wears a dark red dress and black trainers, but occasionally she'll change her clothes to suit the weather, today she was wearing a hoodie and some sweat pants to keep warm. Once we have a picture sorted out for her, she'll probably be using discord to chat with people, but she's a little bit too shy for that at the moment. If anyone has suggestions for getting pictures of their tulpa created, we'd appreciate it, eventually once I get better at drawing, I'd like to just draw her haha.

 

 

In terms of her being back, it's been great. I felt like for a long time that something was missing and why I kept feeling a loneliness that was never quite met (regardless of how many people I was actually interacting with and friends I was making). I think I just missed her very deeply and didn't realise it. She's so helpful with helping me realise when I've made mistakes on things and motivating me to do things (I guess it helps to have someone nagging you when you really need it lol). The other day when I was playing Onirism, she wanted to play really badly and nagged me to try out possession again, in the end she only really managed to move one of my hands and found it pretty tiring to do that. She use to be really good at possession, but I guess things rust when they haven't been used in a while and I'm sure she can get there again. Once we get possession all sorted again, we plan on trying imposition, which is something we've wanted to do for a while, but never really got started on (seems a little intimidating if I'm honest).

 

On 11/11/2025 at 8:02 AM, glitchthe3rd said:

Oh hey, we've seen you on Tulpa Central. Good to hear that you're bringing Erika back, it may take some time for her to shake off the sleepiness, so to speak.

Hey Glitch! I remember reading your progress report years and years ago and while I can't remember all of it, it did keep me motivated when creating Erika, plus it was very interesting. Tulpa Central seems pretty nice, I was looking around for discords to chat on about Tulpa stuff and to eventually have a place where Erika can interact with people/tulpa and be able to be herself. It's a shame the official .info one got shut down, but that's apparently tied to a lot of drama lol. She says she's shaken off most of the sleepiness by now and is just happy to be back. Also she says "Hi everyone, thanks for reminding us about Onirism, She's been meaning to get back into that game and it's honestly a lot of fun to watch her play it. I hope you're all doing well". 

 

Thanks for reading :) (hopefully Erika will have more to say next time).

[glitchthe3rd]

Nice, I'm glad to hear that she's back and also that someone learned something from my past bumbling around tulpa development ^^

 

Elise: Yeah, it's a fun game isn't it? We're up to the city level now and it's still a lot of fun!

[magicstoryy]

Hey! 

I'm new here and i discovered this website while surfing the internet. What exactly is Tulpa? Is it something like meditation or a real thing? I just read some of your posts and i want to learn more about Tulpa.

[Shaula]

On 11/8/2025 at 5:18 AM, Cardinal Opus said:

She hugs me a lot too

 

Hehe, it's nice to see another tulpa that hugs their host a lot! 😁 

 

On 11/8/2025 at 5:18 AM, Cardinal Opus said:

It's a little stone cottage in a forest, with a lake next to it, she has been decorating the inside of the cottage lately.

 

Sounds amazing! 😊 I bet it's very pretty! 

 

On 11/8/2025 at 5:18 AM, Cardinal Opus said:

I'll post more when I have more to share. I'm just really happy my best friend is around still.

 

We're very glad too! 😊 

 

On 11/18/2025 at 9:51 PM, Cardinal Opus said:

For now, I'll just give a description

 

She sounds super cool! 😊 She's got a cool style! 

 

On 11/18/2025 at 9:51 PM, Cardinal Opus said:

Once we have a picture sorted out for her, she'll probably be using discord to chat with people

 

You can use the DM system on here if you want to talk to me or Nightfall! (Or any of us in the system.) We'd be happy to talk! 😊 

 

On 11/18/2025 at 9:51 PM, Cardinal Opus said:

She use to be really good at possession, but I guess things rust when they haven't been used in a while and I'm sure she can get there again.

 

You got this, both of you! 😊 

 

5 hours ago, magicstoryy said:

Hey! 

I'm new here and i discovered this website while surfing the internet. What exactly is Tulpa? Is it something like meditation or a real thing? I just read some of your posts and i want to learn more about Tulpa.

 

It is technically both meditation related and not. The old version tied to Tibetan Buddhism but I don't know to much about it besides that the modern version is based on it. The modern version is basically like having a someone(s) sharing your brain. 

 

I don't really know what else to say but if you have any questions, I'd be happy to answer them. Please DM me if so, I don't want to have a discussion on someone else's thread. 😁 (There's a button for DMs on my profile, just letting you know in case you're still getting used to the site.)