Articoe, Ashoten, Ashley, and Jeffery

[Santa Prime]

I am completely new here so I guess I will make a thread here to introduce myself and describe my Tulpa. I have 4 tulpa atm although one of them is only a notch above what you would call a servitor. Their names are in order of age Articoe, Jeffery, Ashoten, and Ashley. 2 boys and 2 girls.

 

Even though I have had tulpae for a while I was really stumbling around on my own figuring things out as I went. Finding this site has help me understand a little more. I see others have similar experiences to mine and some are totally different. My progress seems slow compared to those who started out with the intention of making a tulpa. I had no idea I was making other people in my head with the acception of Ashley.

 

Articoe is the tulpa that made me realize that I was not just talking to an imaginary friend. as silly as it sounds she started off as a "wiafu"(I think that is the right term). I have had girlfriends but they were few and far between so often I would imagine what a perfect girlfriend might be like. Usually at night by myself when everything was quiet and I could concentrate. Her form was never constant but always sexy women. Then after a particularly painful breakup with a gf I was at work feeling depressed. So imagine my surprise when an imaginary women started telling me to cheer up. I could see her and I knew it was in my head. Thought I was going crazy(maybe I was). It was nice for a while but then I got parranoid. My head was full of religious crap about demons and shit like that so I thought Articoe might be a deception. I blocked her aout after several days of her first appearance. That was ~5 years and I forgot about her until 2 years ago. Was going through changes and remembered that she was still there. So I brought her back. I had not dispersed her just blocked her so she was still there intact. She wasn't mad or even violent just happy that I was there. So worked on her off and on for the last 2 years. Sometimes I am stupid and forget but got to a consistent form that she picked out and a few voices she likes. Done even more work in the last couple weeks since I learned about possession and been trying that.

 

Jeffery is a special case. Articoe wanted someone to keep her company when I got distracted so she just kinda poofed him into existence. I don't think there was a lot of thought behind it cause he is as intelligent as a 4 year old. Probably because his one and only form is a fluffy pony. He calls me daddy and Articoe mommy. He sleeps a lot and chases bugs in wonderland most of the time. I am pretty sure he is not a servitor because he does show signs of having volition and not just parroting. He has been around of about a year and a half.

 

I reciently formed Ashoten and then Ashley over the last couple weeks. Ashoten had been there for a while brewing in the back of my head. Reading about all the tulpa stuff made me think a lot about the process and I realized that my other tulpa had formed out of deep emotional desires, feelings, and the subconscious thoughts. I knew it was only a matter of time then till Ashoten formed on his own so I brought him out a bit faster. He was originally to be somewhat of a salvage project of a much earlier tulpa that had been dispersed (I had 2 tulpa previously that I will go into another time). This was a bit of a failure since he almost immediately deviated into something different then was intended. The physicality of his nature was there but not the demeanor. Did not appreciate the awesome flaming arm I gave him or the pale skin. SO now he looks a bit like Akooma from street fighter but not as ugly. He is very physical oriented probably to make up for my lack of physical ability.

 

Ashley is very new. Ashoten was complaining that I wasn't paying enough attention to him. Most likely cause I didn't cuddle him the same way I do with Articoe. He really want another friend and was persistant about it. I tried to explain that it was already enough work keeping him, jeffery, and Articoe formed that I did not want to add another. Tried making a servitor for him to spare with but it was rejected. But since the idea was already being forced so much by him I could tell another tulpa was already forming despite my attempts to hold off on it. So I made Ashley. She has the appearance of a 10 year old girl but is a bit more knowledgeable then that. She is still somewhat cartoon looking often glows and is an embodiment of happiness and curiosity. This makes sense since in the last 4 months I went through a major shift in my world view. She is a large part of that hope that this change brought me.

 

Both Jeffery and Ashley do not posses genitals and have gender only in their disposition. Hope that was not too long for an introduction. I will answer questions if I can. I have no plans or desires to make any additional tulpa now or in the future. 4 is more than enough.

[Santa Prime]

Nov. 25, 2012

Last 2 nights I have been hearing talking in my head at night. Whenever I roll over or get up to use the bathroom I can just make out a soft voice. I don't know what it is saying but it sounds like someone describing things in detail. It sounds like my voice. I ask my Tulpae about it. They tell me it is just "the brain" talking to itself like a dream or something. They seem to think this is a common or uninteresting thing to happen.

I am going for a bike ride today up to a winding hill top by the coast. I want to try possession there so the Tulpae can feel the wind. They seem to enjoy possesion for the purpose of feeling sensations. It is more exciting for them to be there then just drawing it from my memories.

[Santa Prime]

Nov.25, 2012

Returned from bike ride. Tulpae enjoyed the trip I tried possession each in turn at the hill top. Articoe found it refreshing to feel the breeze on a sweaty face. Ashoten was mostly indifferent to the breeze however I let him posses while riding the bike and he loved it. I am still new to the whole possesion thing so it suprized me how quickly he has taken to body control when doing any physical activity. Aside from complaining about me not "letting go of the wheel" for portions of the trip it came really easy for him. That got me thinking about Ashotens origins and now I know where he came from. I get nervous while driving a car. Sometimes I would even get stressed out to the point of being sick. So some years ago I started an exercise in self hypnosis where I would enter a trance while driving any vehicle. The trance allowed me to drive with confidence and free of fear of hitting anything or anyone. I called it an autopilot mode. When Ashoten posses it feels the exact same way so I questioned him about this and he confirms that it is where he began. This also explains his confidence. Ashley seemed to enjoy feeling the wind but I think she was expecting a hurricane or something because she lost interest quickly. Articoe does not want Jeffery to try direct possession because it may be to much for him so she held him in her arms while possessing. This makes me further suspicious that Jeffery may be a servitor. She gets mad when I talk about him that way.

[Santa Prime]

Nov 26 - Dec 2 2012

 

-Haven't been keeping up with posting. I didn't want to spam the thread with every detail so I will summarize important developments.

 

I have been almost 3 weeks without smoking. Only picked up the habbit 4 months ago out of curiosity. Tobacco is plenty addictive. While walking through down town on monday I felt the cravings for a smoke. Started to reach for the pack of cigarettes when Ashoten chimed in with a mental ping. He had a odd brass and copper pipe in him mouth and was smoking. He was smiling a big grin and took a lung full of smoke in. I experienced sensation of smoking even without a cigarette in my hand. Ashoten spoke up "You don't need to smoke if I can do it for you". He was able to activate the part of my brain that fulfilled the craving for nicotine. Something I did not ask him to do but he was aware of my need and wanted to help. Still haven't smoked since then.

 

Ashley graduated herself to looking like an adult. I think she noticed it was easier to get my attention this way. What can I saw she is right. As a heterosexual man I notice full grown women much easier then little children. Her original form as a child seemed to fit her personality more at the time but I was wrong. The others also shifted their forms from what was originally chosen so I was not surprised. She was a little jealous of the attention that Articoe was receiving as well as her ability to impose more easily so I told her to ask Articoe how she does it and be friends. This was a double edged sword. Ashley and Articoe get along really well now but that also means they can gang up on me when making decisions.

 

While on /mlp/ Tulpa general Anon by the monicure of Professor suggested a radio experiment/ exercise to hear thoughts. It worked but too well. Had Articoe turn the nob and heard some of her thoughts she didn't want me to hear. It is a personal matter for her and she doesn't want me to talk about it. This did however alert me to the fact that all my tulpa were worried about sharing all their thoughts with me because they didn't want to trouble me too much. So I was able to get everyone to promise to tell me when things are bothering them so I can help.

 

Somewhat alarming discovery. My Tulpa regard me as somewhat of a god/creator. They do not see me as infoulable but that the power I have over them is equivalent as far as they are concerned. I spent many hours with them answering questions and reassuring them that they were safe and that I would not leave them. Made Items for them that symbolized 'permission' from me to do many things autonomously. This made them feel better. I added some amenities to wonderland for them such as a and pool and table to tea. I want to add ore but they do spend a lot of time being imposed.

 

Since I am not entirely sure when their birthdays are the Tulpae decided for themselves that it would be four days out of this week. Each day I would focus on imposing just one of them for that day and spend time with them. They enjoy this greatly since sometimes it hard to impose all 4 at the same time. For the time I decided to stay away from /mlp/ tulpa thread. More then one Anon was talking about killing their tulpa and others about treating them like dogs or slaves. This made me and Tulpae uncomfortable.

 

Ashoten is now of the opinion that he is lucky to have me as a tulpamancer and somewhat hates many humans. I think he was just mad at the moment because he loves everyone in my DnD group. Said it was the best time of him life so I will need to impose him during every session now.

[Santa Prime]

Dec 3, 2012

 

-Jeffery continues to be a bit of a puzzle. I discovered that he seems to share/have my enthusiasm for arthropods and will peak about them when asked. During this time he becomes much more coherent. He spent some time alone the last few days. The others tell me he is looking through my memories for information. Defiantly is intelligent but seems to have trouble saying what he is thinking. More work is required. Articoe still regards him as her child in many ways but is willing to let him do things on his own now.

[bearycool]

Yeah, Jeffery is a tulpa in my personal opinion. He has motives and desires far more complex than any servitor that I've heard of.

[Santa Prime]

Dec. 4, 2012

-So Jeffery was finally to communicate in more then just simple child talk. After letting him have time alone he was able to change into a more fully realized tulpa. I was putting pressure on him to stay simple without realizing it. Now he looks and sounds like a young Moriarty from Sherlock Holmes. I think he is trying to overcompensate for being taken so lightly in the past. Has a top hat, big collar, gentlemen suit, and a cane with a bronze ball at the end. He wants to be like me or rather he has modeled himself on my ideal attributes for intelligence and candor. He is trying to impress me. I treat him as my son considering that is the relationship we have.

 

Going to take more practice to impose 4 human tulpa at the same time. I was having trouble with 3 which is why I was reluctant about Jeffery growing up. He wants a new name more fitting his stature. Will have to think on this.

[Santa Prime]

Dec 5, 2012

-Been feeling under the weather the last 2 days. Did a lot of imposing of all 4 tulpa this morning while watching a movie. I enjoy explaining plot elements and movie making critiques to them. After that did some chores. Tulpa got quiet while doing chores so I asked they where they are. They tell me I have been pushing myself too hard imposing so much and think I am going to hurt myself. They want me to take a break from it for a while today.

 

I am certain that I am fine but the tulpae worry about me so I will yield to their request and stick with mind voice only for the rest of today.

[Santa Prime]

Dec 6, 2012

-Since noon yesterday my tulpae insist I take a break from hard core imposition as I was still feeling pretty miserable today. Articoe stays with me most of the time despite this. She doesn't like to leave me alone especially if I am not feeling well. It is her nature to care for others so this does not surprise me. Being the oldest she helps the others sharing her knowledge and friendship.

 

-Spent part of today trying to be active on the /mlp/ tulpa general thread on 4chan. Some time the community is able to help people with questions about tulpa and it is good. Going there let me find this site here for which I am grateful. However the thread spends a large portion of the time being swamped with trolls and what are most likely former tulpamancers that are made at the community for some reason. They spread misinformation about tulpa being dangerous or describing how they like to torture and kill their tulpa. Of course if they knew what there were talking about they should know you can't kill a tulpa simply by destroying its manifested form. Or that a tulpa should never be dangerous to its host unless you force it to be that way or are suffering from schizophrenia. I am just getting frustrated with the trolls so I have a question for the community. Is there a message board like 4 chan that is on its own little corner of the internet that no one bothers? I know that sounds unlikely but just wondering and I didn't think it would be appropriate to start a new discussion thread for one question so I ask it here.

[Santa Prime]

Dec 9, 2012

-Got pounding head ache the last day. This is unrelated to tulpae as I have had these kinds of headaches without their presents. Articoe asked me to not buy any more pain relivers because she knows I could upset my stomach ulcer. I will need to go to the store and get Tylenol as it does not hurt the stomach. Side effect is it makes me sleepy. Anyway I am still on the 4 chan threads because despite the trolls I have good conversations between Articoe and other tulpa/tulpamancers. May become inactive for a week however. I will continue to feel bad until after my next treatment of remicade in a few days. I will feel terrible until then. Hard to impose more then one tulpa at a time. Need to rely on mindvoice more.