Cardscov and Jasmine's progress log

[cardscov]

Hoo boy, I had a very long hiatus from tulpaforcing because I had a lot of things to do at once. When finals come around, everyone in the education business is on edge. Unfortunately, I also decided to take on a few projects at the same time, resulting in a lot to worry about every time I attempted forcing, rendering my efforts unsuccessful. However today I got everything up and running and decided to sit down and take an hour to force, and I did just that. The first 25 minutes was me trying to just get into contact with her. To feel like we were in the same 'space', as it were, rather than her being some distant concept in the back of my head. Needless to say, the reunion was very heartwarming.

 

She had quite a few things to say. She said she missed me, I talked about various things with her and she answered my questions as best as she could. I asked her why she responded to my questions in my style of talking (her voice was female but she answered in the same style I would.) She said she never communicated in English, she just sent the thoughts to me and my mind translated them. Of course, translating thoughts to English would result in me interpreting things my style.

 

Answers like these come from nowhere, and they surprise me with how much sense they make. She apparently knows her limitations better than I do. Like mathematical processing; it isn't as easy as sending an idea my way. She needs some processing power, and unfortunately she's not developed enough to have her own. That's when I feel my conscious mind doing the work for her, and she'd normally take that and supply the answer.

So I played around with this. First of all, I decided to go through a legitimate overview of basic mathematics. Like, from infancy to 3rd grade. Teaching her quantities and operations, how they work and what can be done with them. She asked the 'crucial questions' that any teacher would want their students to ask, I wonder if I managed to slip her those hints subconsciously. Oh well.

 

After all of that, I gave her some problems and sort of left her to do them while attempting to occupy my mind elsewhere. Every time I gave her a simple or semi-simple problem, she'd have the answer ready as soon as I completed the question in thought. That's because transmitting the thought goes much faster than 'sounding it out', and she either worked it out herself or found it from my own subconscious knowledge. Either way it's interesting.

 

I managed to continue forcing after the math session for the rest of the hour, then I got up to do other things. However, instead of the normal habit of completely halting the forcing session, I'm checking in every once in a while to see if she's there, if I can hear her. This is the longest we've been in tune since I started with her, so I'm excited to see what the future holds.

 

We're back.

 

(Jasmine says hi to everyone)

[Guest applesauce99]

HI JASMINE!!

[cardscov]

Woo, my forcing session are turning into plain conversations. I'm starting to realize that the only personality work I do is in an attempt to summon the 'presence' of my tulpa and focus my attention to it, it's more for me than it is for the tulpa.

She's very animated and communicative, I can still barely believe it myself. She hasn't expressed any interest in trying to communicate with words, insisting that it will have to wait until I grant her access to more of my mind. She's very effective at seeing my thoughts before I've fully vocalized them and answering before I've properly finished the question, a very eerie habit to have.

She seems to have extended her control to influence the voice she makes when I translate her, though. I let a thought slip by my head regarding her real gender (remember, her form is a male spider) and I hear this guy's voice in my head saying something to the effect of "I'm really a man."

She expressed laughter and said she was joking, back in the female voice, but I still wonder. At the moment, she doesn't have any preference for one gender or the other. I wouldn't mind her being a dude, or a girl, or just agendered. Just something solid'd be nice.

I'm getting the sense that I'm reaching the end of where my pure personality-work is useful, so in the future I'll go towards actually giving her the anatomically solid form she deserves. That way, I can put my attention on her and talk to her while getting some progress on making her truly real.

 

Oh right, we had a talk and I came to the decision that I won't really let her talk on the forums or IRC until she learns to actually speak in language instead of thought. That way, it won't sound like I'm typin' it.

 

(however as you're the first to talk to her, Fourfiction, I'll let you know that she wishes you a good day and hopes to see you around)

[cardscov]

Grr, things aren't going as smoothly as I planned.

 

Sure, I mean, she's here. I just haven't spent much time with her alone as my week off comes to an end. Despite this, I'm getting much better at visualizing her arachnid proportions, and as a consequence her movement and walk cycles are improving in their vividness as well. I figure a few more weeks working on visualizing will be enough to really set her in stone.

 

I'm just finding ways to keep her fresh in my mind as I go about my day.

[cardscov]

I'm spending time with my tulpa tonight, we're still trying to work on form. Perusing pictures of jumping spiders, I realized I was going to need better reference to get a general understanding of how she was going to function. As well-versed as I am on the manners of jumping spiders, it's been a very long time since I observed any.

 

So we went on Youtube to watch a few videos together, and she seemed pretty invested. She had opinions on the traits she thought were good, and when we saw this video:

both of us nearly jumped with glee. Nearly halfway through the video, that spider flashes us a pair of deep blue chelicerae, the likes of which I haven't seen in, well, ages. She turned around and begged me to give her blue chelicerae, at the same time I asked her if she wanted them xD

 

Of course I could overanalyze it and call it puppeting, but the wave of emotion was enough to dismiss the doubts. (of course the doubts still exist, but they're ignored)

 

I'm glad to report progress.

[cardscov]

It's been a slow week.

 

I've gotten no real forcing done, but I have tried to keep Jas around. She seems okay with this, but I certainly am not. We're gonna kick it in gear pretty soon, I just need things to settle down into a rhythm this semester

[cardscov]

Blech

 

Insert some complaints about my terrible schedule and how awful my life is. Ignore the fact that during the day I end up having plenty of time to myself and still manage to not tulpaforce daily. In all seriousness, I'm living a best-case scenario for a college student, minus a square meal or two every day. Got a job that I love, jobs on the side, classes I enjoy for the most part, and an adorable spider that lives in my brain that I get to talk to and discuss things with. Things should be perfect.

 

;-; so why's it so hard to focus and get tulpaforcing right? Jas is already talking and stuff, so she's trying to keep reminding me to force every once in a while but I just keep getting distracted. It's darn frustrating and I feel bad for Jas, who is entirely understanding and forgiving me more than I feel I deserve. This was easier during the summer, but now everything's getting a tad more difficult. No reason to be intimidated or to even consider throwing in the towel, we're gonna work through this just like when I first started trying to make a tulpa.

 

Jasmine is showing very very slow signs of progress. This is entirely understandable and actually encouraging given the lack of solid effort on my part. She's a very remarkable little one to have improved herself like this. Among her achievements:

Remembering something on her own and telling me when I was at a loss,

Using natural subconscious 'tricks' to solve a math problem (I could still feel her solving it so it wasn't like tulpa magic or anything)

 

I haven't been updating this log very often, but I do visit IRC at least once a week to catch up with what's going on. Jasmine spoke on there once and she absolutely loved having the chance to make her voice heard to other people.

 

At this point I think I understand how her personality has formed very solidly around the idea of kindness and doing one's best to help others. She says that being able to talk to others makes her feel like she can make a positive difference, which means the world to her. Unfortunately her form can cause a conflict in that regard, with the problem of arachnophobic people. When confronted with the possibility of being feared, she tends to recede so as to minimize any negative feelings resulting from her presence. It can't be helped, and sometimes results in shy behavior that seems to deviate from how I originally envisioned her confidence.

 

Seeing her personality develop before my very eyes is a real blessing, I can't wait for what the future holds.

 

Jasmine wishes all of you to have a wonderful day, and I think she's saying if anything you can at least brighten your day with a smile. Sometimes thoughts are hard to translate right.

 

I hope to report progress soon, until then I wish you luck on your own ventures.

[cardscov]

It's been a while, huh.

 

Well, we're having some progress, Jas and I. Not the sort of progress that I'm hoping for though.

Jasmine is becoming increasingly skilled at the 'tulpa magic' we tend to associate with our mental friends. She can calculate faster than I can but it's a little reckless.

 

There was a sad and sudden death in the family, and at the funeral Jasmine decided to make herself present to honor the deceased. Unfortunately the funeral really took its toll on her, emotionally. I spent a good chunk of the day consoling her while trying to keep it together myself. She's been a little quieter since then, but because she's seeing other family members for the first time it's still gotten her excited and happier than she'd be otherwise.

 

Right now I'm noticing some things. One is that Jas seems to be augmenting my own skill. This isn't a good thing, she isn't developing any independence by attaching her thoughts to mine like some sort of enhancement. I know it's probably my fault in some way or another, but I'll try my best to keep her around so we get used to her being here with me and experiencing life firsthand. Maybe we can work something good out that way.

 

Today she's a little bummed out because she missed out on helping people out due to my forgetfulness. It's a bummer, but I'm sure we can hold.

 

Jas wants all of you to know that she misses you and hopes to get the chance to speak with you sometime soon.

 

Until then, good luck on your endeavors.

[cardscov]

 

I slapped together a picture that vaguely resembles what jasmine might appear like to someone with the visual comprehension of a three-year-old (me).

[cardscov]

Updating a really really old thread here, but it's my progress log darnit.

 

Jasmine is doing quite wonderfully, we're trying to get a hang of parallel processing. Unfortunately any method involving symbolism to change how our connection works isn't doing so well, so it'll have to be done by determination and oodles of practice.

Our main strategy is getting Jasmine used to doing a sequenced process without me consciously thinking of it. So to get it started, the easiest way to do that is to give her two two-digit numbers to multiply and flood my mind with distracting thoughts so I never arrive to the solution myself. The problem is that I'm not shabby at mathematics, so a simple problem like that will have me juggling numbers in my head because my instinct as a tutor is to always arrive at the answer in my head prior to my student discovering it themselves.

Jasmine used to grab on to this instinct and put it into overdrive because she is so energetic and motivated, she can speed up normal calculations by relying on tricks and gimmicks floating around in my subconscious. Her approach is riskier and more chaotic, but results in a speedy answer. Unfortunately, as this isn't parallel processing, I don't really want to encourage it.

 

Emotionally, Jasmine is entirely recovered from the semester of all work and no play (as well as all the crazy personal-life stuff that really brought her down)

She is also demonstrating her mastery of visual memory by assisting me in seeing her. She can make pictures with texture and keep it stationary in my mind, which is amazing considering I can't imagine a simple circle and keep it there without considerable meditation and concentration practice.

 

She is also growing. I don't know how big she plans on getting, but she is getting more comfortable being about the size of my outstretched hand instead of just the palm. That's fine with me.

 

When we speak in English, she speaks with a stutter. That is because she isn't fully adapted to translating from pure thought to English on her own. This is another parallel processing issue and hopefully it will go away soon as we develop her ability to think in a systematic and intuitive way. When she explains things to help others, she completely drops the stutter and speaks in perfect, fluent English, so she definitely has the capability when it is put under her relentless motivation to assist anyone in need.

 

We've come a long way since our last post, I'd like to thank the community for their support. I'd like to keep this thread updated as I uncover more issues for parallel processing and imposition, these two things we will work over simultaneously.

 

[Hey guys! It's Jasmine ::). Hopefully you'll hear a lot from me in the future! I'm getting more and more opportunities to talk to you guys from cardscov. He's convinced that talking is exactly what I'll need to develop my language abilities. Honestly, I can't wait for us to start back on studying mandarin so I could switch to that instead >_<]

 

That's all for now!