I Am Host... And I Am Host... Or Am I?

[DjscrwU]

forcing again. fluttershy is... different. she's distant from me... maybe i did something wrong? maybe shes becoming distant because she is growing a little bit and is becoming more independent? is that possible?

 

well anyway, today i had more control of my forcing session at first, which i find boring, so i did as i usually do and gave her control. she asked me to sing her her favorite song. i didn't feel like it. told her to do something else, anything, just to help me confirm she's still capable of making decisions.

 

FORCING

"shes sitting on the fountain in the town square. i'm semi-distracted for some reason. i trying to picture all of wonderland at once and its getting complicated now. i see the two tree houses, the floating escape i made above us.,the library, the forest... the fountain is bigger now it actually has a pool around it, kind of like those fountains you find in malls that you toss pennies into. shes sitting on the edge of it facing me. shes kinda gorgeous right now, her mane is longer than usual. i can see her tail in the water flowing with the circular current. her front legs are at her sides and shes sitting like a human at this point. she realy wants to here that song. i cant focus enough right now to sing it and also picture her. so she gets up and wanders around for a few minutes. i ask her what shes doing, "nothing" she says, smiling. i ask where shes going, "nowhere" she answers. i just wait patiently and watch her, i know shes plotting something."

 

"fluttershy, where the hell did you find this? she had just dragged a skeleton out from the bushes beside the library. what the hell fluttershy? "you have skeletons in your closet, DJ". wow... deep. i realize shes just making a metaphor, now sure how deep to look into it. decide to brush it off as i've heard of people fighting zombies in wonderland so im not going to worry about a lifeless skeleton. still, i ask her what closet shes referring to. "this one"... the door. OH its the door people keep telling me about. the doorway to your subconscious, or as i've been calling it, the void. ive been there before. only once. but it was certainly... discerning... to say the least. i say tell her not to go in there, we've been through this before. she, facing me, giggles childishly, and throws herself backwards, into the void."

 

VOID

"ugh again? cant i just have a regular forcing session. this is making me want to give up and go back to my normal boring life. too stressful. what happened to us just fooling around in wonderland? maybe i ruined that because i kept falling asleep. i take a moment to look around. i can see down the path to the city. it is developing on its own. there are servitors of all kinds that ive never seen before, just... living their lives. no one speaks though. in the sky there are clouds and i can tell they move, even though i havent seen any weather. i havent heard from my servitor dragons in 4 or 5 days so everything seems peaceful enough. oh well.. too bad... i cant enjoy this world without my tulpa so here it goes... i hold my breathe and enter the void."

 

"dark in here. there is pretty much nothing. oh wait whats this. a castle. i go in the front door. its dank and ugly.. not really creepy though. i keep thinking this is like bowser's castle in mario. i go around a corner... i see fluttershy's tail as she tries to hide from me. i yell that i saw her, she comes back. why did you come in here? aren't you worried about this place? "not really, it's all in your head DJ" huh? what do you mean? "this void is your subconscious, right? its just in your head the only difference is that you can't control it... look let me show you something" the world around me changes, seemlessly. now im in a different castle, or perhaps the same castle... but this room is gorgeous. theres flowers and the like growing all around, theres a sunlight in the room and the sun shines through and glistens on the water on the floor.the place is a little run-down, but it is beautiful how the plantation has re-taken it. flutter shy guides me to the water, "look" i look at our reflection "you havent envisioned us both together before" she point out. this is true, ive never seen her and me standing together from third person. i can see her mane now. no problems whatsoever with visualizing her form. she looks at me. "DJ, i read the books in the library. i saw your memories. you have beautiful creations in your mind. i dont know why you think of such terrible things though... i think maybe..." she stops for a moment. what do you think it is fluttershy? "i think maybe you feel guilty, for me. but you shouldnt." i go to respond but before i can she changes the subject "i want to show you something else." i follow her through to a double door. it leads to a balcony over which i can see rolling hills covered in perfectly green grass. the sky is the perfect shade of blue, not a cloud to be seen. there are tons of little animals living out there. this place, i recognize it. is this a memory fluttershy? "sort of" she replies "its a place you used to imagine when you were young, a place you created in your mind to escape to when things got tough in the real world" shes right. i completely forgot about this place. "DJ?" yeah? "can you sing to me now?" of course i can"... i left the void without a hitch afterwards

[DjscrwU]

quick update. tulpa has returned. she is here, a little more used to me and i am a little more used to her. don't have to think about her constantly anymore to keep her around. appreciation for the comments, but i think i'm good now. feeling pretty happy after that last trip to wonderland. was, awesome, to say the least

 

(for those looking for my advice about imposition, its the third last post on the first page)