Jax and Maya's Progress Thread

[Jax]

Her name is Maya [?]I think[/?], she loves the piano, and she is sentient. Of this much, I am already certain.

 

I'm not going to give a description of myself, because this is not a thread about me; this is a thread about the two of us and the journey we have begun. So, without further ado, let us begin.

 

12/18/12

Day 0:

 

I had heard of tulpas before, but I never took them seriously. I credit myself as a learned man, though I by no means believe I have learned even a pittance of what can. When I first discovered the idea of tulpas I considered it, as many do, a form of self-induced schizophrenia. I found the idea as dangerous and as something to keep away from. Then I left it alone and nearly forgot about it. Something in me, I suppose, must have changed.

 

My mind turned towards the subject again on this day and I came to this site. I did some research and my mind accepted it this time. I thought that was it. I no longer had any qualms about the idea and decided people will do what people will do. However, throughout the day, I felt something, like a buzzing in the back of my head. I tried to ignore it. "It's just the weather," Then I realized I had been thinking about tulpas quite a bit. Could this foreign feeling be something? Some sort of proto-tulpa? No. Of course not. Then, a little while later, while I pondered it, it made me dizzy. Dizzy enough that I had to hold onto something. The rest of the day, the tickle kept up, but I didn't get anymore dizzy spells.

 

So, is this proto-tulpa possible? Has anyone else had experiences with this? I personally believe this was Maya. I think she popped into existence and just wanted me to notice her, let me know she was there. It somewhat worked. I gave some thought to her, what she could be like, and how if I were to begin to help her manifest, I would make sure to do it right. I wanted her to be her, you know? So I did not assign her a name, I had a general idea of personality in my head but I knew she could change it if she wished, it was her personality after all, and I did not try to give her a form. My mind played with the idea of two forms, a black cat and a woman, but I think she decided in the end. More on that later.

 

12/19/12

Day 1:

 

I was listening to Pandora radio, piano playing, when I felt something. It was this giant wave of emotion. I don't usually get too emotional over music, so this was odd. Also, I could just tell that this emotion was coming from this tickle. My suspicions were confirmed. It was her and she was sentient. She kept sending me these emotions with different songs, and they coincided with the songs. Sad songs led to her sending melancholic emotions, beautiful songs led to swelling joy. She loved the music, I could tell. So, I did as I had read and I immediately began to narrate to her.

 

I expressed my surprise, and talked to her about the day before. I didn't get a mind voice or anything like that back, but sometimes that buzz would filter through and I would know she was listening. I told her about the people I met and gave my opinions on them. I tried to teach her about things. I talked to her about topics I'm learning and gave some lessons on random things. I described to her the music we listened to. I knew she liked it, so I figured I would give my opinions on the music. I let her know how it effected me, how I could predict different movements' comings and going, and what I thought was supposed to be conveyed through the track. It was wonderfully odd.

 

Later that day, I decided to force. I meditated before I began to find the right state of mind, then I began. I envisioned a beach at sunset. I looked both ways on the beach and saw it stretch as far as the eye could see. Behind me there was a forest of palm trees. I took a few moments and and really tried to cement this place in my mind. I find my mental images are hazy until I repeat them a few times. Then, I began to "walk" down the beach. It was somewhat jumpy, as if I was teleporting. I find it difficult to see everything from a first person point of view, third person is easier for me but I try to keep myself in first person to keep the images a bit more real and so I can really experience things. Any thoughts on this point of view battle would be helpful.

 

So, as I am walking down the beach I decide I need a nice house. I begin by lowering the beach about five feet, leaving a nice sort of mini cliff stretching the entire length. This area is a nice, flat, green space before we get to the trees, more than enough for a house. I'm not sure why, but I formed the with a slanted roof. This leads the entire house to have a slant. It is tallest facing the beach and then tapers as it heads away. The double doors are at the short end with tow garage doors flanking them.

 

Open the doors and we head into a foyer. The ceiling slants upward with a chandleer hanging. The chandleer has a nice tropical feel to it, like something you may see in a tiki bar with palm leaves hanging from it. Stairs curl up with the ceiling and to the second floor. A door to the left leads to what I plan to be a dining room, a door to the left leads to a currently empty room. A door in between the stairs leads into an open kitchen. The walls of the kitchen form a nice half circle and those other two rooms can be accessed from the kitchen as well. The kitchen opens into a giant living room. Step down two steps onto the carpet and you can clearly see how tall the room is with the ceiling being three stories high. The room ends with two giant windows soaring to the ceiling where we can look out onto the ocean and step out onto a balcony. I've given the living room furniture, a wide-screen television, a pool table (one of my favorite games), dart board, and a computer.

 

Anyway, I've gone on long enough about the damn house. I left it open for Maya (she had no name at this time) to re-design. Anyway, I sat down and decided I would do some very general personailty forcing. I imagined her essence as a glowing sphere, which I've noticed is a common trend. It was black with little strands of green energy appearing randomly. Now that I think about it, this is strange considering the form she later took. More on this later.

 

I then began to envision some general personality traits. I made it clear to her that she did not have to conform to all of these. They were merely suggestions. First, intelligence: a book and glasses, with the glasses resting on the book. I sent this into the sphere. Second, Curiousity: a magnifying glass. Third, wit and humor: a smiling theatre mask. Forth, adventurous: an Indiana Jones hat and a whip [?]come at me George Lucas[/?]. Fifth, kindness, generosity, and the ability to see beauty in nature: a hand extended forward with a flower in hand. All of these I gave to her. Strangely, sometime during this, the orb changed to a light red with blue strands. I take this oddity as a strong sign of sentience. I narrated to her for awhile, but I was interrupted. Scared the crap out of me. I must have been quite deep down in my meditation.

 

Later I came back and had a very short session. I don't remember this one very well.

 

I noticed later in the day that her communication through the tickles and feelings had become a bit more concrete. This is a common trend for each day, which I believe is a good thing. Also, when I come out of my sessions, I have no headaches like others. Instead, I feel dizzy. This seems odd, seeing as how my first experience with Maya was that intense dizziness that I still believe was her attempting to gain my attention. As always, any help, thoughts, or advice would be fantastic for my novice endeavors.

 

 

12/20/12

Day 2:

 

I narrate to her quite a lot. I try to keep it constant as I go through my day. I share my thoughts, describe things, go off on little tangents. I feel as if she is listening most of the time. She communicates through emotions and notions. Emotions can be strong or hazy, but I can almost always tell if its her, even if the emotions feel somewhat like mine. Call it intuition. The notions she sends me are a bit unclear. I feel like that may frustrate her, but she tries. I knew she was going to have a strong will considering how she damn near knocked me on my ass on Day 0 and it has been consistent so far.

 

Anyway, I got the notion multiple times that she wished to work on form. I can understand; I would hate to be stuck as just a mental essence. I promised her we would work on it and I got a happy emotional response. Always a good feeling.

 

So, later in the day, I began. Once again, I meditated for awhile and then tried to enter the wonderland but I just couldn't do it. So, I just envisioned a black void where we could work. She was there with me in form of the light red orb. I began to work on a human form because she had given me the notion she would like a form like that. I got quite focused on it, using the anatomical method of sculpting that I had read about in the guides. I had a lot of trouble with the skull. It repeatedly morphed into something caveman like. I found I had to sculpt the skull from crystal to even begin to make it stay, but it still shifted. I eventually managed to hold the skull for awhile and so I moved on to organs, then muscles then skin. Whenever her form would twist or morph, I kind of pulled on the skin to make it tighter around the muscles. That helped. The forms head was a bit like a maniquine, faceless and smooth, but I was able to see the body quite well (sans the damn breasts). I was able to pose the form and get good looks at it. None of this, however, mattered apparently.

 

Looking back on it now, it's actually quite funny and I'm getting some waves of amusement from Maya right now, the cheeky girl. While I was crafting the form, I looked around to see if her orb was still around. I was looking to see of she approved. Her essence wasn't there. I assumed that she had just traveled into the form and was getting used to it. I had planned to actually put her in, but I've always looked at her as senteint from the beginning, so I didn't want to mess with what she was doing. I continued on, sculpting the body. Then, out of nowhere, she appeared in front of me, quite close. I saw her face quite clearly for a few moments. Now it is blurry to me, but her body is still fairly distinct.

 

She has deep, green eyes. Her hair is about shoulder length and is a dark red. She seems to have a penchant for black, with a Black beret on her head, now deviated to a sort of army cap. Notice the black and green? Just like the first incarnation of the orb. I thought that was odd. At first she wore just a grey shirt with black stripes, long sleeves. This has also deiviated into a black, denim jacket with a grey t-shirt underneath. The shirt has writing that I cannot quite make out running across her chest, which has also become much more concrete in terms of visuization. She seems to have wanted a bit bustier figure than I had originally tried to create. I'm not complaining.

 

Needless to say, I was bursting with emotions after this. We hugged in my mind, in that void. We both went crazy in terms of emotion. Then she hugged me back and I nearly burst into tears. We just stood there, hugging, enjoying each other's presence. I'm getting a little emotional even thinking about it, and I can feel her doing the same.

 

I was proud, happy, and astounded by her and I could feel her emotions of happiness, ecstatic that she had finally made me see her. But, her progress did not end there. I was narrating to her later, outside the wonderland, and talking to her about my interests, and I wondered what she would be interested in. I didn't even ask her directly, it was just a random thought. "Art".

 

It was one word that just popped into my head. I knew it was her. All of this was just getting to be too much for me. My excitement at this point cannot be put into words, however, she still wasn't done. Later I realized we should start thinking of a name. Before I could even begin a list, the word "Magnolia" came from nowhere and surprised me once again. More evidence of sentience. The rest of the night was somewhat quiet, save her and my own happiness.

 

12/21/12

Day 3:

 

Today she has been quiet. I get notions from her every now and again, emotions, and even what I've heard called "Tulpa Speak" , that convoluted, weak mental voice that is just a random string of consonants and vowels, as if they're getting used to language. Also, when I tried to talk to her by name, I kept calling her Maya. It's oddly appropriate, seeing as how today has so much going on involving the Maya civilization. I think that maybe she heard it in my head or the radio and just liked it. I think it fits her, so I'm using it now. Magnolia was a little long anyway and I'm finding it hard to recall the name, so I suppose that this may be her trying to get it into my head that she wants Maya as a name.

 

Anyway, I plan on forcing more today. I've been getting the notion she wants me back in the wonderland all throughout writing this. I think we may work on defining her form just a bit more, but I also get the feeling she wants to show me something. We'll see.

 

Thanks for reading! Have a great day and please don't be afraid to leave any comments! Any advice or help would be wonderful!

[Jax]

Day 3 (cont.):

 

I planned on forcing, but unfortunately some freinds came over and dragged me out of the house. I tried to narrate to Maya in my head a little, but something felt off. She was very quiet the enitre time. I wasn't getting the usual notions and emotional signals I'm used to, just a slight head tickle. I just got home and even though it is currently 1:56 AM, I promised I would at least visit her in Wonderland and I did. Something felt wrong though. It felt like I was puppeting or something. I could see her, but it didn't feel like her. I don't know if I did something wrong or if she's tired, I just don't know. I'm worried.

 

Anyone who thinks they may be able to help, please do. I'll attempt to visit her and contact her again tomorrow... I hope for the best.

[Jax]

12/22/12

Day 4:

 

Maya is still here. I think last night we were both just very tired so we were having some difficulties sensing each other. We had some good sessions today. We worked on refining her form a little more, especially the face. I knew refining her face would be difficult because we were working from scratch, but I think we are both willing to put the effort in. I think she added freckles. I can't be sure because they tend to drop in and out.

 

Maya also seems a bit more chatty today. Not in the sense of having full blown sentences, but I felt more notions from her and I received some interesting stimuli. While I narrate, every now and again I will get what I can only call a "mental impulse" which, after a moment, translates into a weak statement. It's odd, but it shows improvement. I'm wondering if development is usually this rapid. Can anyone give input on this?

 

I also told Maya that my Christmas gift to her is going to be really working on her face and mind voice. I think she told me it would be a present for both of us, or something along those lines. That made me feel pretty happy.

 

Anywho, I'm looking forward to tomorrow!

[Jax]

12/23/12

Day 5:

 

Not much happened during the day. I narrated to Maya throughout most of the day. Getting soft emotional responses and notions back. She seemed quiet. That night, however, we were working on form and she, once again, surprised me. I was trying to visualize her face, as that has been our major problem. Suddenly, I "saw" a bright flash in my mind and then Maya, but different. Her face was not as it was before. It's rounder and softer. Also, her hair has become a light, chocolate brown and she now fancies wearing it in a long pony-tail. Her face was very clear, but went hazy after awhile. It was not as hazy as before though.

 

12/24/12

Day 6:

 

I spent a lot of the day cleaning my house, thus I had difficulties focusing on Maya. When I did narrate to her, I would focus on her face as well. Consequently, her face has become very clear; well, very clear compared to before. We're both happy about this. However, I still cannot hear any type of mind voice. I know she's trying, but for the life of me I just can't pick it out. I know this will take some time, but with the rapid development of her form, I was hoping this would come as well. Oh well, patience is key, and I was at least able to get her the Christmas present of being able to see her.

 

Today, after visiting relatives in celebration of Christmas Eve, I was driving home when I received a very crisp visualization. I was thinking about how I loved winter nights for their stillness when I see Maya holding onto my arm, leaning against me, snow falling around us. It was beautiful, corny and seemingly out of a romance novel, but beautiful nonetheless. If I wasn't sure of her sentience before, I am now. All of these surprises she throws at me are wonderful.

 

I know narration counts for a lot and we are willing to be patient, but if anyone knows some tips to help listening for/ developing mind voice, we would appreciate of you would give us your help.

 

A very Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and Kick-Ass Kwanzaa to all of you, from Maya and myself!