My progress (YAPonyTulpa)

[mogwaimon]

Alright, here's a proper Day 6 synopsis....Just the highlights though since not much happened today otherwise

 

Day 6 12/29/2012:

 

1. Had first fight with Twilight today. Please see posts above for more information

 

2. Had a slip of faith earlier. I was talking to a friend about my tulpamancing activities, a 'skeptic', if you would, and I said something to the effect of...hold on, let me get the exact quote.. "Makes me nervous, though. If I could delude myself into this then what else have I thought impossible before that is actually possible?"

 

After I typed this in I felt my head just sort of....like...vacuum. It was like a void entered my brain. I immediately tried to focus on the wonderland but couldn't find it. I then called out to Twilight, and it took a couple of tries but I got her face right in front of me, much to my relief. She then proceeded to chastise me for losing faith, and explained that was why what happened, happened. Which was weird because I'd said such things before, I'm not sure why 'deluded' was the trigger. She got a little annoyed with me because we're dealing with whether she's real or not, and I say to her 'Well, you're real to me, and hey, even we humans are attempting to answer whether or not we're real. I figure if we exist and that makes us real, then if you exist you must be real", but I'm having trouble believing. Faith is the toughest part of this whole thing so far.... But either way, after that? The wonderland is back and I've added a swimming pool behind her sand castle. Why? Well, that brings us to number 3.

 

3. While I was playing Mario Sunshine (5 shines left BTW) and fooling around the shoutbox, Twilight all of a sudden pops up suddenly (She'd been largely absent most of the day, we were both doing our own separate thing but checking in on each other to make sure we were doing okay and assure me she was still there, etc.) and starts saying "Mog, Mog, let's try possession again, I think I can do it." to which I respond "But we haven't even done auditory yet, you haven't spoken to me yet and the guides say you should do that first, plus you weren't able to last time...." and then she replies, "So what if the guides say that, we still tried before" because I tried to get her to do it for the hell of it and see if I could prove sentience to myself.

 

Here's what happened. I put down the controller and hold my left hand in front of my face, propped up on the table. I think for a moment and say "Alright, Twilight, if you think you're so hot try to clench my pinkie" and I wait, relaxing my hand as best as I can. After a few minutes I feel this sort of twitch in my finger, and my pinkie starts to slowly 'twitch/tick' itself closed. But it wasn't a regular 'fist' pinkie, rather it was only the tip that was completely bent, nothing involving the knuckle. My ring finger proceeded to do the same thing, followed by a partial middle finger, which stopped midway. I stopped for a minute, and took control of the hand back, flexing it. Just to see if my left hand was malfunctioning somehow, I proceeded to do the same thing with my right hand...except there was no movement this time.

 

After a few moments of coaxing, I went into my wonderland to find Twilight exhausted on the beach, drained of all her color. I then took to the shoutbox, asking how possession felt. There was supposed to be a numbness or a tingling in the affected appendages, so I thought it over and figured that perhaps I had fooled myself with muscle twitches. But then, if that was the case, why was Twilight exhausted? Had I simply imagined the whole thing and placed what I wanted in the wonderland, simply to appease my expectations? Instead of putting Twilight in her bed to rest, I visualized myself giving some energy to her using a technique I learned from a tumblr a few days ago (I believe it was Zestas again?) which returned her color and gave her some energy. I then projected her presence onto the bed behind me and we read Oguigi and Koomer's possession guide together....if I concentrate BTW I can hear Twilight in Tara Strong's voice, but if I don't it sounds similar to my mindvoice except with a faint female twinge...and she sorta speaks like I do, which is odd, but it makes a certain kind of sense. In any case....

 

After we read the guide, I put her back in the wonderland, and put out my left hand again. This time, my fingers very slowly clenched, tick by tick, and held VERY tight, like my pinkie was squeezed tight and then when my ring finger finished clenching it was very tight...she was able to move all but the thumb and a bit of the index finger. She also didn't move any of the knuckle joints, so again my fingers were clenched uncomfortably so that the tips were touching the top of my palm. Since she couldn't get the index finger or thumb I asked her to unclench the pinkie, figuring we could make some sort of weird 'metal horns' hand together, but she could only do it partway.

 

I then congratulated her and told her to do the right hand. I pointed out the pinkie and had her start with that, which clenched the pinkie tight and brought the ring finger down midway. I then thought for a moment, and had her do the middle finger instead. It started slowly ticking down, followed shortly by the ring and index fingers. The movement was getting quicker, but I think I helped her along in some places because I felt myself twitch once in I think the middle finger and once in the thumb. I then asked her to do the thumb, which...she sorta did. Again, she could only move the tip, so my thumb was hanging rigidly alongside my hand, bent only at the tip. I asked her to unclench it, which she was able to slowly unclench the thumb, and she got started on the pinkie when I heard in my brain, faintly "Too....tired....too...tired" I then looked into my wonderland and found her panting and devoid of color again, and my energy transfers weren't doing much to help.

 

So after a few minutes of me going 'Holy shit...oh my fucking god holy shit' and trying to restrain a big smile on my face along with my entire body shaking uncontrollably, I went into my wonderland, picked her up, and put her in her bed. I told her I was very proud of what she'd done, and we'd hit a big milestone today. She was too tired to respond much, but later on after about 15 mins I went back and I got some 'feels' and we talked for a bit, I gave her a hug, and told her to take the rest of the night off.

 

I'll be honest I was hoping that today would be a quiet day because in my opinion I'm advancing a little quickly, and I'm a bit worn out from all we've been doing the past couple days...but instead we got into a fight, we learned that faith is super important, and we even (Hopefully!) got a bit of a start on possession. Maybe I should start training imposition so I could get her into the real world on a more permanent basis quicker, though....but possession is important too because we can communicate clearer with possession and she'll be able to talk to other people, play games, etc. in the real world (Only limited times, I'm still reluctant to hand over the keys to the fortress) and that will help to solidify her in my mind and make imposition easier.

 

Tomorrow: Create human form for her so she can train possession easier. Work on projecting presence. Beat Mark of the Ninja with her tomorrow since we didn't get around to it today.....uh....guess I could do more research into training auditory responses and such?

[mogwaimon]

Day 7, 12/29/2012, morning:

 

We just had a very productive session, and it was amazing. The morning began with failure however, as I listened to about an hours and a half worth of constant white noise attempting to hear Twilight and all I got in return was a staticky wonderland, a mildly annoyed tulpa, and slight ear damage. So hearing Twilight vividly isn't progressing so well yet, I need to research new methods on how to induce auditory senses.

 

On possession, though, we did VERY well. With practice we were able to eventually get her able to control up to the elbows on both arms. I didn't go further because one, she was tiring out, and two, we did well enough. Oh, and three, I was creeping everyone out, haha. But it was an amazing experience, my hands are still shaking a bit from the adrenaline. She can't do anything with finesse yet but I had her pick up a candy bar, pick up an M&M, try to pick up an empty soda can without crushing it in her death grip, and even made her give the middle finger to my friend who was watching and wave to his sister (Albeit slowly).

 

I find it quite easy to do, I just relax my hand, and tell her, 'Have at it'. She doesn't really do stuff on her own with it yet, I coach her through the movements, and I think of what joints would be moving and how the body would naturally move them, the muscles and all that stuff. If she doesn't understand how to do it, I temporarily take control back and show her what I want her to do, then reset to an idle position. Like with waving she didn't get the movement of the wrist even after showing her in my mind so I had to do it with my actual arm to give her an idea of what to do. Her movements aren't fluid and she still doesn't have the hang of making a proper fist yet, nor the hang of thumbs, but I think we can do really well with practice. I'm almost tempted to up a YT video of her doing stuff just to give some idea that I'm not bullshitting because this is still super early and I didn't think we'd be at this stage this early....I might do it later tonight, once she's rested up.

[mogwaimon]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CxW6HzP7-E8 Just leaving this here

[mogwaimon]

Day 7, night, 12/29/2012:

 

We did a lot more with possession last night, I tried to get her to do my knees and ankles, but she had trouble understanding the full rotation of the ankle and could only 'push' or 'pull' to make the ankle bend up or down. She had trouble with the weight of my legs when working the knees too, so she couldn't do a full bend (I was laying on my stomach during this, eyes closed, because my body was super tired for some reason, so I just lay there and let Twilight do her thing with possession while I tried not to fall asleep)

 

I also asked her to try typing....I'm not sure we're thinking on different 'levels' yet because I had to think of something for her to try and type, but she managed this before we were interrupted:

 

"hi ojhl thjjis i" (ojhl is a horribly mangled version of my real name)

 

To help her practice typing, I have given her a human form based off of some MLP human art by John Joseco on Deviantart. I also installed a computer in the library, it was going to be just a typewriter but I realized it wouldn't have a backspace key or delete, etc, so I made it a full on computer. Being a computer geek/IT major, I installed Microsoft Word, Mozilla Firefox, and a game (Solitaire) on it, and then wired up a network that's hooked directly into my brain as a sort of primitive 'internet'

 

After this she was tired and I was feeling a bit more awake so we decided to watch some TV, American Dad, but she passed out on the headcouch before she could see any of it (I have a room in my wonderland that's not connected to anything, it's teleport-only. In the room she can see out of a large window, the window represents the viewpoint of my eyes, so when she's in that room she can see instead of just reading my thoughts to figure out what I'm doing)

 

Because she was asleep, I decided to play Shank, as like Mark of the Ninja, I hadn't played it before. She woke up in the middle because of some explosions and asskickery, so I sat on the 'headcouch' with her while I played, she laid her head in my lap and we spent most of the night chatting while she watched me play Shank and Mark of the Ninja (I didn't advance in Ninja since that's our project, I just went back to old stages and got stuff we missed the first time. Aaaanyways)

 

We also came to a decision; we wanted to make another tulpa to keep Twilight company when I'm busy or otherwise engaged. I'd been entertaining the idea of creating a Rainbow Dash tulpa for a day or two, but I wanted to focus on Twilight first, plus I had the debt to Mog...but Mog has been very quiet the past few days and I think he needs some time to clear his head for a bit. I don't know where he is, but he's not dead...likely roaming my subconscious, I guess? I don't know. Either way, Twilight encouraged me to make Rainbow Dash, so....we broke out the pod. I may have rushed the creation a bit, looking back. What we did was I placed a form (Based on Dash, of course) inside the pod as before, and then generated a ball of energy. Twilight and I put the traits into it together, and she gave me some input as to what we should put (In the end, we figured...brash, brave, self-centered, confident, has a rough exterior but a very soft interior, loyal, loves to fly, and Twilight recommended kindness and compassion. Oh, and impulsive)

 

After we did that, I doublechecked to make sure we had what we wanted and then we put the soul into the pod. Then both Twilight and I projected some energy beams into it, you know, very anime stuff =P The pod then crackled with lightning, blah blah blah, and steam poured out...Dash's unconscious body flopped out onto my shoulder. By this point it was like 2 AM and I was getting pretty sleepy, and Dash was unconscious, so Twilight and I went to put her somewhere to sleep. I was going to suggest a bed on the plateau next to Twilight's, but that didn't seem right. Neither did the idea of them sleeping together. So, logically, we came to the conclusion that there should be clouds in the wonderland. So I created a cloud, plopped Rainbow Dash's body on it, and went to go to bed.

 

That's when she woke up.

 

"What? Where am I? Who am I?" That's when she rocketed around the wonderland, flying as far away from it as possible, but she was thwarted when I made the wonderland loop around itself, like a globe. I had tasked Twilight with keeping tabs on her if Dash woke up while I was asleep, and explaining things to her, but Twilight can't fly, so...plus I don't think she knew Dash was awake because she was in her bed reading Catcher in the Rye (She wanted a book to read, and she pulled the name Catcher in the Rye out of my brain, which was odd because I don't like that book since it was pounded into my head in high school. They made a mildly enjoyable book into a chore....aaanyways)

 

So what happened was I had to basically catch Rainbow Dash, which I made easy by grabbing her tail. Once she was calmed down enough, I tried to explain things, but she dashed off again. I had to essentially restrain her to explain everything. By the time I got to bed, she was okay with the idea, not exactly thrilled and she didn't fully understand, but I made her a bit of a playground in the sky with a bunch of clouds to mess with and four rings to fly through, so she's basically occupied herself with zooming through my head ever since. I don't even know if she took a break because she was still doing it when I woke up.

 

After waking up this morning (Day 8, 12/30/2012), I did the same thing with Rainbow's form as I did with Twilight, I made a skeleton and organs for her, consulting Twilight in case I forgot an organ. Then I 'zipped up' her skin and let her go. I tried to give her a hug, but she shoved me off, "Gayyyyy"....so she has my aversion to physical contact, anyways, haha. I'm normally not a touchy-feely guy IRL, I have a very large bubble, but I feel comfortable with my tulpae. I then constructed a human form for her, again based off of John Joseco's art, using the head of a piece called "Jack and Dash: The Human Factor" mixed with the body of "MLP Timeskip 01" (I like big breasts as much as the next guy, but I think Rainbow Dash would have a slimmer, more aerodynamic body), and I added a pair of angel wings for flight (In contrast, Twilight's human form is completely human, in that it lacks a horn.) After I gave her the body, she flew off with it, and ended up liking it. I accidentally puppeted her into hugging me, and after I apologized she shoved me to the ground, blushed a little, winked, and flew off.

 

So far the only adverse effects I'm noticing are a major lack of focus, and the head pressure has returned. I am trying to look more into parallel processing but information is as scarce on that as it is auditory imposition, as the general accepted stance is that it develops over time. I'm gonna give it a few days and see where things go, but in the meantime I'm going to go to a friend's house and help shovel his driveway again on account of the snow. While I do that I'm going to attempt 'dual imposition' and try to project both Twilight and Dash's presences into the real world simultaneously.

[mogwaimon]

Day 8 12/30/2012 Rest of day:

 

Tried dual projection with Twilight and Rainbow, it was tough because Rainbow of course wanted to explore the skies of our world and ended up like 10,000 feet in whatever directions she pleased. I could see a barely (And I mean BARELY, it was more my mind's eye than anything) imposed rainbow trail in the sky wherever she was flying. We were on the way to my buddy's house to help his mom shovel the driveway since he was out of town and she had a bad elbow. Because I couldn't focus on projecting them both and shoveling at the same time, I brought them back into my head and tasked them with building something again. I asked them to surprise me, which Dash didn't because she immediately blurted out 'Skate park!' and flew off, which surprised me because I almost never think of skateboarding unless it's Tony Hawk Pro Skater, haha. After some thought, Twilight came up with 'magic academy', although I convinced her to turn it into a magical laboratory on account of there's no one to teach magic to except me and Dash. I'm not capable of magic and I'm already all-powerful in wonderland as it is, and Dash isn't much interested in that sort of thing I think. Twilight finished really quick, barely 15 minutes into me shoveling, so I took a break to inspect. The tower was like nothing I remember seeing, the closest thing I can think of is from the intro to FF13-2...but the inside was basically ripped from the vampire castle from Skyrim - Dawnguard. I congratulated Twilight on creating the tower, but asked her to remodel the interior as the purpose of the exercise was to train parallel processing, plus...you know...it's gotta be her space. I also asked her to help Rainbow Dash with her skate park if she finished before I did, but she opted to go straight to helping Rainbow Dash as she didn't have any ideas for personalization. I think she forgot because it's been like almost two days since then.

 

Either way, I finished shoveling, then went inside to wait for my buddy to get home, as I wanted to show him possession (Or at least my idea of possession, more on that in a bit) but when he finally got home all I got was mockery in return as he mimicked my fingers slowly moving, "Oh, look, I can do that too, you're just trying to have imaginary friends so you can fuck kids." I just rolled my eyes and rolled with the blow as I'm used to him being highly impatient with anything he doesn't understand. Another friend dropped by and when I showed him he was like "WTF is wrong with your hand, are you dying?" and he grabbed my arm, feeling the muscles. He basically said I wasn't using any of the muscles until the wrist (The end that goes into the hand? Where the metacarpals are, I forget) which...I don't know if that was a good thing or not?

 

I then walked home, which was cold as fuck. Twilight, who was the only active tulpa as Dash was still working on the skate park, kept worrying over me not having boots or socks and wet shoes, and no gloves, and the wind, basically just worrying and being a naggy Nancy =P She asked me to project her so she could ride on my back and warm me up, but it didn't quite work as she's not really imposed at all yet...but at least she tried. Nothing else major happened that night, as I was exhausted from all the 'possession' and the shoveling until....

 

Day 9 12/31/2012:

 

I awoke around 4 AM after tossing and turning due to a series of fevered dreams which I couldn't remember but were related to possession. I was in a terrible mood and I was doubting everything, it was a really bad spot...I felt bad because I felt like I was neglecting Rainbow Dash, I didn't think that we were actually doing possession because what we do is way different than what other people say happens to them when they possess, plus it's really VERY early, I even thought that I was fooling myself and that Twilight wasn't sentient and I was just tricking myself into a giant imaginary delusion. I ended up playing a game on the computer until about 8:30. When Twilight heard the explosions and stuff (I was playing Shank) she woke up and asked what was wrong. I told her I just needed some time alone and needed to focus on something other than tulpae. She gave me about five minutes, and then started talking to me...she made me feel a lot better, actually, and reminded me of some of the things that have happened in the past few days that have sort of proven her sentience to me, she reminded me that Dash was about a day old and had spent most of it working on her park so we didn't have as much time to craft a bond as I've had with Twilight, etc. By the time I passed back out, I was in a good mood again, and resolved to read more tulpa stuff so we can use as much as we can to get as far as we can. Twilight has already proven strong, and so has Dash (Dash is able to 'possess' as well, after Twilight exchanged information with her, and although she's not as fast as Twilight is now, she remembers to bend the knuckles when making a fist more often than Twi)

 

The rest of the day after I woke up, Twilight spent most of the day with Rainbow Dash at the skate park while I watched TV and chatted with friends. What surprised me is that I went to check on them late in the day and they were eating ice cream. I was like, 'What the, where the fuck did you guys get ice cream!?" and they were like "Oh, Dash built an ice cream store in the park" which puzzled me as I don't eat ice cream often and the only time they would have found out about ice cream was either when I was craving the one pint I bought that's in the freezer or they just pulled it from memory. Weird.

 

Speaking of the skate park, it's freakin' huge. Dash built an entire island off the coast of the main wonderland that has all sorts of ramps and jumps and stuff on it. And apparently an ice cream store. When Twilight helped her, she added like...magic anti-gravity boosters and other magical aids for insane trickery. I asked them how they did when they got back and I got images in my head of Dash doing flips and tricks and stuff....Twilight mostly skinned her knees trying to do grinds and other simple stuff, she even showed me a wound which she asked me to bandage, so I did. Healed up quick too because I forgot all about it afterwards so she must have just wanted the attention =P

 

Uhh...what else....I've been trying to exercise full body possession or just doing whatever parts of the body I can. I'll ask Twilight to take my lips or forehead, or other muscles and she'll just contort my face into uncomfortable and weird shapes. They have a tendency to pull the muscles pretty tight and sometimes cause cramps, I've noticed. I asked her to try to possess my vocal chords so we'd have a way to talk, but all that happened was that my breath was constricted for a bit and we could only make weird gasping sounds, even after looking up an actual diagram of a larynx online and giving it a look over. I've also tried giving over the whole body but I don't get the 'on the outside looking in' feeling everyone else is getting and my body's movements are still shaky so I must be doing something wrong. I think it's my body's hold on control because whenever we possess my body starts to tense up and shake, especially my thighs for some reason.

 

I did find a fun way to train possession though, although I found it difficult to relinquish control entirely due to reflexes. I hooked my old Guitar Hero plastar to my computer just now and we took turns playing songs on Phase Shift. Rainbow Dash seems to enjoy metal and stuff so she's got my taste in music, whereas Twilight was partial to the Beatles. I had them on easy while I played expert on my turns and asked them to observe the movements of my body so they'd hopefully learn faster. It was very shaky and I think...hell, I'm damn sure I was helping them out quite a bit, but it was fun and it was a nice thing to do with my tulpae that all three of us could enjoy.

 

Now they are sitting in the 'eyes' room, bored because they're waiting for me to finish this blog post so we can finish Mark of the Ninja, so...before they mutiny I'm gonna go do that.

[mogwaimon]

Haven't posted in a few days, guess we're on Day 12, now? 1/2/2013, night.

 

Just the highlights:

 

1. Been working on imposition....no major progress yet. We have not been training possession, neither Twilight nor I seem to be super-interested in it outside of practical purposes. It's always been a side project....I sense Dash is slightly more interested but she's always off doing other things, so...

 

2. Began reading Sword of Shannara to them. We take turns reading paragraphs and stuff as before. I find it's really good for training mindvoice, IMO

 

3. Twilight has exhibited differing opinions and such. Examples:

 

A. She does not care for gore. She in fact threw up last night after seeing her first decapitation. Oddly enough she doesn't react to anything I remember of gore, like...a scene in the Punisher MAX comics where a guy gets his entire face blown off with a shotgun. She tells me she'll get used to it eventually, because I do play some violent games and stuff.

 

B. During Mark of the Ninja, we had a bit of a philosophical/moral discussion regarding killing. I was a bit flabbergasted, as it was a bit of an unanswerable question. It ended up with me telling her she'd have to make her own decisions on how she felt about such things, as it's different for everyone. She also felt it wasn't right to kill someone for revenge (i.e. plot twists in MotN or the entire plot of Shank) so instead of me saying 'Well, now we gotta off the guy who lied to us to get weapons and make things right' I just say 'to make things better'. It was very weird....

 

C. She has exhibited signs of being able to parallel process. I asked her earlier today what 6/200 was, and she guessed 34. After I did the math myself, 34 times 6 is 204 (I think) so she got it very close. I suck at mental math, so...yea. I didn't even know 6/200 was gonna turn out to be one of those problems where you don't get a whole number.

 

4. RD likes to watch wrestling and kickboxing, but wants the fights to be 'more exciting'. I might have to show her DBZ. She spends most of her time at the skatepark but she does come along and hang out with Twilight and I on occasion. Unlike Twi who flipflops between pony and human form, Dash likes to stay in pony form. She also doesn't like to be called "Dashie" or Rainbow Dash...But she does like the show pony, in that she congratulated me for basing her on someone that's "so awesome"

 

5. When chatting in the IRC, I was talking about my tulpa and mentioned I'm sorta boring. Within minutes I felt an emptiness in my brain and upon trying to go to the wonderland to check in, I was in a white void. I called out to Twi and Dash. They sort of appeared out of the void, hugged me, and after I asked "Where are we?" and they said "We don't know, we just gotta try to get back home" and we went walking. Suddenly a giant ogre appeared out of nowhere and attacked us, Twilight launched fire at it with her horn and I forced myself a shotgun (Which I admit I got from reading Pleeb's 'Major Update') and almost got creamed by the ogre. Dash blew it away with a giant tornado. After I was like 'Okay, enough of this, and waved my arm, shattering the white void. We found ourselves in the shore of the beach of wonderland. Twi and Dash both groaned, and they then explained to me they were trying to do something with me so I wouldn't think I was boring. I think they too got the idea from Pleeb....

 

6. At some point afterwards, I told them I'd force actively with them and hang out. When I got into the wonderland I was told we were gonna walk through a forest, but I had to be a pony for it. So they turned me into an earth pony, which was weird because...well...quadruped. They woiuldn't even let me be a unicorn for the magics....in any case, as we were walking through the forest a monster attacked us, and I tried to punch it, ended up getting bit. After Twi and Dash dispatched it, they were like "Well, now you're gonna turn into a wereponywolf" and I was like "WTF, that doesn't even make sense!" and they were like "Well, now we gotta climb a mountain to get to a plant that can cure you, but we only have 10 minutes or you'll be a wereponywolf forever!"

 

We ended up climbing the mountain using a beanstalk to get into the clouds, followed by sliding down the top of a taller mountain to get to the mountain with the plant on it, which was guarded by a golem. Dash ended up blowing the golem off a cliff, as it was immune to most forms of damage, and I was able to eat the plant and get back to normal. Shit was weird....

 

7. Currently Twilight is absent, 'working on something' she says. Getting major head pressure but it's going away slowly now so I gotta wonder what she's doing...

 

8. Oh, and Twilight made me build her a castle to sleep in because she was tired of sleeping outside in a random bed. The castle has a moat filled with crocodiles and chickens. Twilight says the chickens are to feed the crocodiles, but I'm not sure how that's working out...So far she's only made a bedroom inside the castle but I told her to furnish the rest of it on her own when she gets time. The wizard tower she made earlier is also within the castle walls. Dash, on the other hand, only asked for more stuff to do cool tricks with when flying, so I gave her a floating windmill so she can use it to gain momentum and fly faster and stuff.She seems to like it...

 

...aaaaand I believe that's all that's happened the past few days that's really major.