Mancer March 18, 2013 March 18, 2013 I started on the night of 18.2. and since it's Sasha's one month birthday I thought I'd translate and upload it. I haven't recorded every little detail and I may have forgotten to mention some important things so you may ask questions in this thread and I'll answer them. Sasha's original character sheet, written on the first evening. I marked the strongest deviations with red (ie. the traits she doesn't have): -Lively * full of energy and always ready for a marathon * positive, infectious good mood -Playful * doesn't take things with the same seriousness as others * cunning as a fox, knows how to surprise -Sympathetic * feels others very strongly * has a talent for being cute and use it for her advantage -Strong-willed * doesn't like to be bossed around * passionate and impatient -Idealist * dreams of a better world * wants to help others -Liberal * wants to live 100% * non-conformist -Affectionate * despite being short-tempered couldn't hurt anybody * likes plushies -Feminine * likes her feminine side -Lonely Wolf * enjoys others' company but needs her privacy * doesn't want to belong to a 'herd' -Enthusiastic * curious, is easily interested * likes to hype things Things attached later on (a lot of traits) that actually stuck on her: -outspoken, blunt -care-free -just and noble -short attention span My journal, text in red are notes, bolded text are highlights of the journal. 18.2. I did the introductory exercise, 40 minutes + personality exercise 40 minutes. It felt silly, talking to her was difficult. I explained a few traits to her however, and I imagined how she would react to certain situations. 19.2. Visualizing exercise, 1 hour. I imagined her body, it helped a lot to imagine my hands running over her fur. I thought the personality exercises were hard without a form with which to associate traits. I noticed that a sitting upright pose is better for concentration than laying down. At the end of the exercise I could feel her presence and talking to her was easy, but the feeling disappeared in a minute. 20.2. Today heatenings, I was afraid I was making myself insane. I decided it's better to see this through than to live without knowing. 1 hour of personality exercise, I added a new trait. It's already easy to speak to her, but the exercise felt fruitless. I did an additional 30 mins of visualizing. It's becoming easier to imagine shapes without imagining my hands moving along their surface. 21.2. 1 h personality. I felt as though my 'soul' was divided into two. An euphoric burning in my chest, I don't care anymore what's going on. 22.2. 30 mins personality, 4 new traits. I don't get emotional waves anymore and I feel empty. 1 h visualizing plus 20 mins of narrating. 23.2. 1 h visualizing, I've narrated throughout the day. The emotional roller coaster returns. 24.2. 1 h visualizing. Now for 3 nights straight I've had very intensive dreams. Emotions are balancing out. 25.2. 45 mins visualizing. Again one night of really intensive dreams, but this time I wasn't omnipotent as I'd been earlier in them, which is curious since I had mentioned to Sasha that challenging dreams are more interesting. In the morning I got extremely strong feelings of affection and closeness, completely new to me. I did a 90 min walk on the forest track, narrating throughout it. Sasha enjoyed this walk very much, but I wasn't sure of it at the time 26.2. 1h visualizing, Sasha's form is starting to become more concrete, Shaping her face is difficult. I haven't narrated nearly enough today. 2.3. Active forcing has been more or less dropped for the last few days. Instead I'm forcing passively for hours a day. Sasha is giving me thoughts and I'm translating them to language, at times I feel like I'm parroting her and giving her words she didn't mean. I predict that with time she will gain more independence. 4.3. Two days ago I did an additional 1h visualizing, yesterday 30 mins. Sasha's speech is slowly gaining independence. Dreams have become heavier, my mood is gloomy. Through burning fire through bitter cold don't give up 6.3. 1h visualizing. Sasha's face and especially her eyes are really hard to visualize right. Instead of consciously modeling I tried to concentrate only on her silhouette and leave my mind to wander, after half an hour I got a really good picture of Sasha's eyes from my subconscious, but placing them on her head is troublesome. Today Sasha told me she doesn't love me in a romantic sense, which is both relieving and painful. On one hand it's hard for me to accept it, on the other I want her feelings to be genuine and coming from her own free will. 7.3. 1h visualizing. Her face is becoming frustrating, nothing feels right. We've barely talked at all today. 12.3. It seems like Sasha likes Irish music. We've started to build a wonderland, mostly driven by her. We have a beach, a mountain, a piece of rainforest, multiple caves and a small village. I'm waiting for Sasha to develop a distinct voice, she's already with me everywhere. She also retracted not loving me. She thinks her feelings are still going through a roller coaster, even though mine aren't. Oh, she reminded me to add that she may be bi. Remains to be seen if that's true. 18.3. I haven't updated in a week, primary reason being that this is feeling less like a project and more like regular life. It's been a month now, Sasha doesn't have a distinct mindvoice yet but I now know for certain when I'm talking and when she is. She's also becoming more mature, since many of the traits I gave her are a lot like those of a small girl. They've mellowed down a bit. She's not any less loveable for it though, and she's now showing other emotions than just positive ones. My dreams of imposing her and hearing her voice have oddly only diminished the more we get into this, they start to seem trivial compared to what we already have. She also got a girlfriend over irc, it's been really good for her. Sasha's notes: [Keep at it and be honest to your tulpa and yourself. It's not going to be a smooth ride.]
Lacquer March 18, 2013 March 18, 2013 >liberal Self-identifying as either conservative or liberal is bad. Also "non-conformist". Does this mean purposely defying the norm, rather than simply not letting norms affect behavior? Cause that just sounds indignant. Oh well, everyone has their own preferences.
Mancer March 18, 2013 Author March 18, 2013 To me the term liberal isn't a political one as much as being a free spirit. I'm not an American so I don't have that kind of a mindset. And the non-conformist part means that she does what she wants and doesn't give a crap about what others think about it. Besides if something doesn't fit a tulpa they'll deviate from it.
Lacquer March 18, 2013 March 18, 2013 Then again, "don't give a crap" has a defiant connotation, while "don't care" has a relaxed connotation. But what does it matter, you know yourself (and your tulpa) the best.
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