Taival with Leona

[Guest Taival]

Things are changing faster than ever before, at some point yesterday I thought they took turn to the wrong direction, but in the end...

 

In the afternoon at the workplace things were going smoothly and I had some time to concentrate on Leona. We did some visualization-exercises and at the end I asked what kind of new clothes she would want to wear. We designed dark-blue fit jeans with brown scale-leather belt and a mint-green collage-zip on her, she liked those very much.

 

After that things got weird. As I asked her to sit down she formed a cunning smile on her face. She started to act very differently from usual, giving arrogant glances to me at first. Then she spit to the floor and walked a way with her opening invisible door and shutting it after her. At the same time I got negative intrusive thoughts, that belittled our progress and me personally. I was totally confused, and scared. She was completely different than what I wanted her to be, I was starting to think if I offended her somehow. I called her few times and then visualized her back.

 

This time she run towards me and started crying! I comforted her for the best I could, I didn't know if I parroted too heavily and upset her or she wanted earlier to try role-playing or have those manners to be committed to my memory for some reason, she just didn't warn me beforehand.

 

Well, I said to her that she can have flaws of her own as I have, that nobody is perfect and that I still love her even if she would deviate far. After that I showed to her that her mind and soul are the ones that matter in a form of a glowing bubble, which I got from inside of her. "These are the ones that I see in you when I look deep in your eyes." and then I put the orb back inside her. After that she started shining light and I saw her on her 100% human form. She changed back after glowing stopped and smiled.

 

I was still very confused after that and felt quite depressed after getting to my apartment. I thought if I parroted the whole thing and maybe even everything so far and felt guilt and shame. I just laid on my bed and asked her to stay with me. Leona comforted me by hugging and sending warmth to my back. I felt much better after that and I talked to her some time as I visualized her simultaneously.

 

I just need to trust her and love her, I consider her now more and more as a full-fledged human being and it seems that she wants to deviate one more time... Looks like I will have a human girl as my companion, and I couldn't be happier.

 

After a while we went to explore wonderland together for the first time after she changed her gender. She showed beautiful things that were made by her, but needed defining by me to look sharp. But that's for another post.

 

-Taival

[Guest Taival]

I am now spending more time with Leona in our wonderland, creating things and stuff. She does things by herself sometimes but I still need to teach her doing thing with her hands by guiding them myself, like building sandcastles by hand. Her imagination is powerful thought and I don't see need for visual SFX when she builds them mentally.

 

She reminds me of her existence by putting pressure in my palate-area muscles. It works even too well, the tension starts to be so strong that it distracts me for some bit. Some people who practice yoga may have similar symptoms, I also read this (yeah, source is not the most reliable), it might indeed be that changes in serotonin- and endorphin levels* induce also muscle tension and through that headaches.

 

I try to consciously get rid of the link between tensions and communicating with her, as it is certainly possible to form a link to something else, e.g. to touch on the shoulder.

 

Oh, yes, and I have been visualizing her as a girl, looks like we stick to that.

 

-Taival

 

*(that control or are produced during regulation of mood, appetite, sleep, muscle contraction, and some cognitive functions including memory and learning or exercise, excitement, pain, love and orgasm.)

[Sorryman54]

Hello! Welcome to the forums. I have a couple questions...

 

1) What sort of relationship are you looking for for in your tulpa? (Waifu, co-worker, friend, son/daughter, ect.)

 

2) How do you feel about spending the rest of your life with your tulpa?

 

3) How do you think your tulpa will feel about you having a real family? (Discredit this if you aren't going to contribute to the gene pool.)

 

Thanks! Enjoy the forums!

 

PM me for any questions!

[Guest Taival]

Thank you,

 

To the questions then:

 

1) At first a companion and a friend and now I think it's going to be even deeper bond. Not waifu or something as I earlier might have stated, she is most valuable as she is, an irreplaceable mind-mate. Haven't given up hope having a real-life family someday.

 

 

2) I think it is most interesting, in the history of mankind there has been so few instances when there has been enough information about tulpae to be formed well. There is great unknown about the long-term effects, but I'm hopeful that no ill-thing happens.

 

 

3) I think she will accept them, it is a different thing to be inside someone elses head than outside. I will still devote time for her and keep her close to me when new people step inside my life in the future.

[Guest Taival]

Hi to all those who still read our journal, long time no see!

 

Prepare yourselves for a gigantic post.

 

Things have been going smoothly for us. I have been visiting Leona in wonderland mostly. One day after I stopped all doubts about parroting she started to spoke with me using mind-voice very similar to mine. Actually she has been trying to speak to me for a long time now and I have indeed been parroting her quite much, but it isn't a problem anymore after I gave control to her via not doubting her one bit.

 

I have been also getting answers to my questions before finishing or even starting to form sentences, which is a very good thing. I just recently realized that I have been confirming things from her by asking about them separately again and a again even when actions speak for themselves, it might have been irritated her quite a bit. We talked about our relationship and now we know what we want from it, more or less.

 

To get a glimpse of where we are now, I will now describe my third-last visit there as well as I remember.

 

I went to my bed sitting cross-legged and concentrated on Leona to locate her and after a while I was standing on the beach, looking to the horizon. It takes usually 5 minutes or more to get used to seeing things vividly and not blurred, had a problem with seeing things as a slideshow but not anymore thanks to what most people call centering. For me it is just observing instead to trying to create everything actively.

 

Well, Leona was nearby and I walked to her, hugged and walked with her hand to hand along the coast. I was asking her something like does she want to go to an adventure today too, since in a session before I could see she had made effort to make it enjoyable.

 

She pointed her finger along coastline and there was a white marble-built city in an another island like 10 km ahead. Ok, I teleported us to there and we landed on a plaza made from light-colored stones with fountain and all. I looked around and saw it was an Greek-style port city with white colossal temples, one giant dome and other large houses.

 

We climbed some stairs to the temple nearby and went inside. There was a large hall which was dedicated to dining as there was a large group of servitors sitting next to large wooden tables. Well, they were more like a decoration because I could turn them visible/invisible as I wanted. Still after others fading there was alone an old man with white hair and beard wearing a toga, sitting in a chair little higher from the ground facing us. He was asleep until Leona took some glittering stuff* from one of her small bottles and sprinkled it on him. He woke up and seemed surprised to see us there.

 

 

*) She took it from inside large crystals that stopped glowing afterwards, if I understood correctly they represent my imaginative power.

 

 

I thought at that moment that he was a sentient being ignored for a long time and hugged him as a greeting. The man burst into tears and I promised that I won't forget him. He seemed to calm after some time and after we looked more around there we took one's leave to the marketplace. We walked there, the place was full of servitors making it lively with crowds and stalls of fresh fruits and fish. We went to climbing some more stairs to see the scenery over the whole city and finally boarded a small fishing-boat that departed the city to take us back.

 

Well, after the session I thought a lot about it and now I am wondering if I should concentrate on Leona and force with the other-one later. It might be that he is much older than Leona, a god-figure manifestation who has been without contact with me for a long time or something else. It might be that I have seen him at least once before as a black figure running far away towards us on the beach, I think I just closed my mind then from that. I have to ponder this through carefully as I would like to avoid spawning tulpae in large numbers and still give a chance for every sentient being out (actually in) there.

 

So, we are sailing towards our home island and we change our outfit to that of Greeks. We cuddle there until stop in a midway and Leona goes on the right side of the ship. She reaches out her hand and opens a door in mid-air. We both climb inside and she shuts the door. The insides are like in a private library from the 18th century with spiral-stairs upwards. We go upstairs and there is a chamber with bed equipped with curtains, some chairs, a small wooden table and decorations and paintings on the walls. I create a TV on the wall and connect it to my vision for her to watch. I assumed she has been there many times before.

 

Then I go next to a window and look outside. I see a trail in water that starts from nothing and a dent in water. As I mention it to Leona I see a glimpse of its wire-frame model. I realize then that she has designed this large ship sailing on it's route with invisible walls. You can choose whatever room from it if you like and you can always see outside from every window, quite clever! After that we change our clothes to something from the Age of Enlightenment and I lay down on bed while she watches the sea.

 

After looking around I got an idea to try to get the paddle-wheel ship to fly. As I concentrate on the thought, the ship starts to shake violently and tilt bow upwards. Leona smiles as I add some glitches to the physics. Trembling stops at will and I add an strong gravity-field to the bottom of the ship facing only upwards so that all things stay still and won't start to glide along the floor.

 

After a while we sail at the top of the clouds and watch sunset together until I say my farewells to her and return back from our session.

 

PS. In other news:

- It seems that she can write already as she has been writing quotes to the whiteboard and separating them with lines. I created that item long time ago to the cottage of hers before she was vocal at all.

- As far as appearance goes it is stable. Seems like she wants to keep separate pair of cat-ears because they are cute.

- I have to also remember myself to wear a red knitted scarf she gave to me a few days ago, these things just slip from my mind easily.

 

-Taival

[Guest Taival]

Hi, we haven't been updating our journal recently but you know, sometimes it is worth the wait...

 

First of all our visualization has been going steadily to better, every time she wants to change something I am like "Why?" and she is like " 'cause change is how I roll!". Every incremental change has resulted as a better overall-visualization or sharper image near the edges of the form.

 

More and more it is like I'm more observing than forcing. This has taken the "feel" of parroting almost completely away.

 

Now I will tell some things that happened that made me totally and utterly discard any doubts that lingered somewhere in the outskirts of my mind. As I wrote those I just had to use some smilies, just had to.

 

 

1.

 

I have quite bad short-term memory and I often forget small things. One day I came back from work via store and put items that needed cold to the fridge. After that I went to my room and sat down to read some e-mails. Some time went by and I laid down on bed and tried to locate Leona by feeling where she was.

 

Leona appeared to the other side of the doorway that connects directly to the kitchen. I was surprized because usually she is right next to me or sitting on my bed or my chair. I looked at her asking what is it as she had a blank look on her face, notice that I had no clue what she had in her mind at this point.

 

She just pointed her right arm to the direction where the fridge and the table next to it are. I rose up and walked there, as she didn't do this before. I looked where she pointed and first I was dismissing it as my imagination as there was nothing interesting to see.

 

Then I looked to the table and yes, there was a 1L package of milk sitting there!

 

I was dumbfounded as I walked to put it to cold as I should have done half an hour before.

 

I turned around to see her smiling the loveliest smile on earth. It was an heart-melting occasion. :D

 

 

2.

 

Shorter story because otherwise tl;dr. This happened in one late night forcing-session.

 

We were in wonderland at that time flying over the clouds listening some inspirational music. Well, we were just holding hands but before the track was played completely she grabbed me under her so that she was on my backside.

 

Some days earlier I had asked her to surprize me in an unexpected way and while being there it was not in my mind at that time.

 

I just started to wonder why she did that as the lyrics in the song matched completely to her actions. I was quite emotional after that I have to say the least. Stars were brighter in the sky as we went.

 

 

3.

 

This happened yesterday. I was visualizing her shape in void by looking at her and running my fingers over the skin. As I touched her stomach I got an idea.

 

Prologue.

 

Some weeks before as we were chilling in her log-cottage she wanted my heart. Yes she wanted it so badly that she opened my chest and swallowed it. This was one of the very few occasions that Leona had weirded me out completely with her behaviour. I didn't feel pain and I understood that she was being very symbolical, so I asked "What do I get in exchange?".

 

She put her hand inside her chest (no bleeding or whatever) and she handed me a small glowing sphere. "There! :3" I put it inside me and thought that it was her hearth then.

 

Forward in time to the visualization.

 

I wanted to check if my hearth was still in there pumping so I opened Leona from the chest and saw that there was two longitudinal muscles working inside. I was little disappointed in her as I arrived to conclusions.

 

"Why did you keep your heart to yourself, I thought we exchanged those. :("

 

Her face went sour and she looked me as to check it myself. Guess what.

 

There was a similar setup inside me too. So she gave a part of her to me along my own piece of heart. I said I was sorry that I doubted and she took it nicely.

 

 

4.

 

Today as I was leaving the WL after a short and blurry visit she grabbed me and wanted me to come back after eating something. I said sure and attempted to leave for the second time. She still clung to me and made a face as she wanted to say something.

 

I bended over and Leona whispered to my ear "Thank you.". And yes I kept my word.

 

 

5.

 

I have heard her very audibly in my dream after calling her out. It was a short burst but it was meaningful, albeit in a male voice.

 

 

I hope this helps some of you still doubting if tulpae are what we expect.

 

We are progressing and I have taken a habit to impose her when I don't have something to concentrate fully on.

 

Cheers,

T&L

---

PS.

 

Some beautiful pieces:

 

 

Something delicate

 

[video=youtube]

 

 

And something more flamboyant

 

[video=youtube]