Dran0r0 and Nova's diary

[Dran0r0]

I haven't been very productive the past two days. This because I've had social activities, wich is not really was I usually do (yep, I'm an other tulpamancer who has some problem dealing with people), so I fucked up my planning and procrastinated a little too much.

 

But I've managed to narrate a little bit so I've not totally failed. However, I saw an improvement today : Nova's face isn't changing anymore and I can "see" it if I focus during one or two second. Now I've got to make it perfect I think (make the eyes look more real and some other shit). There are two thing that are bugging me :

• When I "narrate" during the day, I briefely imagine that I'm going in my wonderland, vizualise Nova for about one minute and then go back to reality and talk to her, usually in my mind (sometime I imagine that she's by my side). Is this good enought for narration or can "real" narration only be done when meditating ?
  
• I don't know how far I should go in the vizualisation. Until wich level of detail should I go (do I have to place every freckle manually or do I just have to definite area and my mind will then be able to do the reste of the work "on the run") ?

 

Now I'll do some vizualisation and then go to bed.

[fennecfoxx]

1. That's fine. What's important is that you're talking to her.

 

2. However much detail you want, I'd say.

[Dran0r0]

Thanks for the answers.

 

I did some forcing last night (or this morning, pick the one you prefer). I focused on her face and realised I was having problems seeing it in 3D. So, during 20 minutes, I juste "turned around" it in order to improve this. I think it helped. I also changed her haircut.

 

Also, as soon as I began to focus on her, I felt "points of pressure" on my forehead. It's hard to describe : it was like someone was pressing his fingers against it but the feeling was quite funny. During the session the feeling spread on my whole forehead and reached my temples. At a point of the session, I felt uncomfortable and I moved to a better position, which made me lose my focus. The feeling immediately disapered but, when I returned in my wonderland to force, it came back.

[Dran0r0]

Yesterday I decided to run, so I tried narrating while doing it. Didn't work. But I couldn't run the whole distance so I ended up walking and narrating. Then I went to a party, was awkward and forced a little bit before sleeping. Today I also did some visualisation when lying on the couch, felt asleep and woke up feeling dizzy.

 

The last visualisation was a little bit strange, but it may be because I was half sleeping (I had some spasms I felt like beeing in a "deeper" stade of meditation).

 

Also, everytime I do visualisation and/or hard focus on my tulpa, my head feel funny. I'll take it as a sign of progression.

[Dran0r0]

I didn't do a lot of active forcing these day, which make me feel bad, so I think I'll catch up today. But I narrated quite a lot.

 

Friday night there was a party in my house and I got drunk. I remember lying on the coutch and thinking "Well, time to force !" So I went in my head and saw Nova. She was wearing the white dress a gave her earlier and, since there was music in the room I were, we danced. I think she liked it. The next day, while I was fighting against my hangover, I did it again. I think I parroted at least 90% of the dancing movements but, when I went in the wonderland, she smiled and said hi, and it didn't feel like I was parroting her so I think I'll just assume it was her doing.

 

But, well, like I said, I was like totally drunk so my memories are a bit fuzzy.

[Avalanche]

Most people take to meditation before forcing. Doing it while inebriated wouldn't have helped.

[Dran0r0]

Well, usually I do a 5 minutes "warm up" before forcing by visualizing my wonderland and/or Nova, it also allow me to recall what I did last time. Then I focus on making her body. But now I'm wanting to do something else. I don't really know what. Maybe having a conversation with her and waiting for her answers (basically narrating but in wonderland) ? Or should I do "things" with her, like dancing or swimming, even if it involve some puppeting ? I've read that "bad" puppeting is puppenting you don't do on purpose, but I don't know how to interpret it.

 

I forced during 25 minutes today while listening to Fede's tulpaforcing tone. I don't know if it was very helpful but I had less trouble focusing, so I think I'll keep using it.

 

I imagined a beach instead of my usual wonderland. As usual, I poped near Nova. I took her hand I decided to go for a walk on the see. After I time, we couldn't walk on it anymore and had to swim to get back. Then we sat down and I forced a towel in order to dry Nova. Then we basically looked at each other when I was imagining that I was allowing Nova to use some of my "brainpower". I felt head pressure but I can't say if it was a productive session or not.

[Dran0r0]

I haven't been very productive those past few days. For some reason, I don't manage to stay focused more than 5 minutes when I try to do active forcing. However, I still narrate about an hour a day, more sometime. Today I managed to do 10 minutes of visualisation and realized that the body of my tulpa was "messed up", especially her back. Also, I "lost" her face and did succed when I tried to rebuild it.

 

Damn, I wish I could draw, I think it would be easier.

[Dran0r0]

I did a lot of narrating this week and, except for one day, spent time in my wonderland with Nova. I'm getting things that could be her so I assume it's her, but I also think I'm still parroting a lot.

 

Last night, something interesting happened. I was in the wonderland and, after having done a little bit of talking, I put my head against her and imagined our two brain (I don't know why but they both were blue). Then I "created" a blue tentacle on my brain and reached hers with it. I wasn't the first time I did this, it's supposed to symbolize the fact that I'm giving her access to some of my "brain computing power" and I'm hoping it'll help her to become fully sentient.

 

Then, something "odd" happened. She put her hands on each side of my head and smilied. Then, I began to feel that my right arm was trying to move. During about 5 minutes (maybe) she tried to moved it. Some fingers had spasms and the arm moved a little bit (maybe one centimeter). Then she stopped and I was tired so I said goodnight to her and left.

 

At first I wasn't sure if it was me or her who moved my arm. But I was lying on my bed and I relax my body before going in the wonderland (I never move). Also, I tried to move my arm by taking big inspiration and it didn't work. So I guess I'll assume it's her. This makes me happy.