Rayne and Kari: The Progress Report

[Rayne]

Hello. You can call us Rayne (the host) and Kari (the tulpa). I joined the site earlier this year but haven't posted until now for some reason.

 

To start off this progress report, I'm going to tell a little story to catch you all up on who we are and where we're going.

 

As a writer, I enjoy creating characters who all contain some aspect of myself. I see them all as representatives of different parts of me. Sometime in 2012 I created a young woman whom I called Kari Peace. She was a pacifist, not wishing harm on any living thing, even hostile ones. She represented my conscience, my voice of reason, and my morality. Anytime after that, when I said, did, or thought something I knew was wrong or that I shouldn't have done, she pointed it out to me. At this time I had no idea that the concept of a tulpa was even possible, so I didn't perceive it as a person separate from myself.

 

In February I first discovered tulpa.info and the true definition of a tulpa. I decided I would make one. I figured that my tulpa should primarily be three things: a companion, a link to my subconscious, and my Jiminy Cric- ahem, conscience. It was obvious to me that my tulpa should be Kari. Before I started, I knew that belief was the most important thing. I started by writing a letter explaining who she is, who we are, and what we would do.

 

Unfortunately, I wasn't keeping track of progress at first, so I don't know the exact date of the first major development. One night, I realized that Kari had been there since the time I created her to represent my conscience. She was immediately vocal, and I actually did some proxying on the IRC that night. Probably not the best idea, but I was still unable to post on the forums and I was excited.

 

At some point between February and now, I stopped actively "forcing" and even forgot about her for a while. Here in April I've jumped back in and resolved to stay committed this time.

 

During the hiatus, I watched My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic for the first time. While I am male, and the show was admittedly enjoyable, I had (and still have) no plans of becoming a "brony." However, I realized that it would be a great show to watch and discuss with Kari. After our first time watching it together, Kari decided she wanted to have a pony form alongside her human form. This also came with a distinct new voice, which is great because I was not able to distinguish between my "mind voice" and hers before.

 

Another benefit is in visualization: the simplicity of a cartoon pony makes it easier for me to imagine her form in its entirety.

 

I might get some pictures up soon for both her human form and her pony form. The pony form is difficult because I'll have to either mess with an existing image or draw it from scratch. For her human form, I have created her in several video games, which provide unique takes on her appearance. However, these were made before I was able to get her input. She has definitely expressed interest in modifying these appearances to her liking. We'll see what we can come up with.

 

As far as where we stand now...

 

Our biggest issues right now are parallel processing and remembering to include her in everything I do.

 

Parallel processing, to me, means Kari will be truly independent and able to interact with me at any time, not just when I'm paying attention. She still continues her previous role as my conscience and interjects when necessary, which is a great start.

 

We do have a Wonderland, and I do have an easy way to share it, but I'm not ready to do so just yet.

 

So that's all for our introductions. I would like to thank CyberD for maintaining a very informative progress report which I read from start to finish the other night. Good luck to you, CyberD and Nova! We'll be watching for new posts!

 

Also, thank you for reading our first post!

[CyberD]

Oh, well hi there. I was not expecting to find mention of myself here.

 

You seem to have had a rather interesting start to the process. Creating a tulpa out of the character you created might turn out to be a good thing... or maybe not. The fact that you created Kari not originally as a tulpa but instead as a representation of your consciousness, specifically your feelings of morality is intriguing. The character Kari appears to be a solid base for a tulpa, being someone you can easily identify with but also someone who is grounded in what you consider ideal. So far it looks to be a good thing so keep up the good work.

 

Parallel processing is something that will only come with a lot of practice and time. All I can recommend here is persistence. Keep at it and keep Kari involved if you want to have her around all the time. You mention you stopped forcing for a while, it makes me worried about your ongoing commitment to the process. If you really are striving for parallel processing as you describe it then you should forget any thoughts of taking another hiatus. Stay focused, keep engaged and if you feel the process is getting stale then do something about it.

If you can see yourself with your tulpa still around in a year then that's a good start. The tulpa process, if you allow it, can last your entire life.

Good luck, keep on posting.

[Rayne]

Heya, CyberD! Thanks for reading! Don't worry, I'm going to stay committed this time. I can't afford not to.

 

Also, for Kari being a character... It's funny, because even when I tried back then, I was unable to come up with any kind of back story for Kari. Read on to see what I learned about her early experiences.

 

Kari Time: 27 Apr 2013

 

Kari Time is what I decided to call it when I set aside a certain amount of time to spend sitting in a quiet place, just interacting with Kari. Today I promised her one hour after work before doing anything less productive, including napping because I didn't sleep enough before work.

 

We talked about what's most important for us to focus on: vocal communication and independence.

 

We mostly speak in words, but sometimes it devolves into emotions or just thinking together without putting things into words. When this happens I bring the focus back to words. This is for practice, as well as to make sure we can easily share what we talked about with others.

 

As for independence, we still sometimes merge mid-conversation, but it's easy to recognize when it happens now and take a step back.

 

I asked Kari about what it was like before February, when she "graduated" into a tulpa. She used the words "boring," "emotionless," and even "scary." It was like a boring phone desk job. She said she was aware of herself and myself, but didn't know things could be any different.

 

I guess emotionless and scary are kind of contradictory, but I can see how she would use those words to describe it.

 

She also told me what it was like between February and April when I stopped paying attention. It was boring and she was upset. I apologized, and she forgave me, saying "you're here now, and that's what matters." I told her I wouldn't let that happen again.

 

We found a human voice for Kari! She started singing in a beautiful, less hyper voice than her new pony voice. Her form and voice can change from moment to moment, depending on her mood. There's currently a human form and voice, and a pony form and voice. The exact details of her forms are not finalized and thus very volatile, changing frequently. We plan on working on actual art to use as a reference soon.

 

Kari became my drill Sergeant today! We were talking about how I needed to start getting into shape before I go to Basic Military Training, and out of the blue she said "Drop and give me twenty!" I said "Really? Right now?"

"Do it!" So I did. I'm quite out of shape and sleep-deprived, so that wore me out and I ended up laying on my back instead of sitting up like I was earlier. She sat on top of me in pony form, smirking.

 

At several points I found myself forming expressions when she spoke and even came close to accidentally speaking her words aloud. I often switch between speaking to her out loud and in my head, so our current state of still being somewhat merged probably caused that.

 

I'm going to try getting in some Kari Time at least once a day, but probably no more than one hour at a time. I thought I would have a hard time remembering everything important to write about, but we both agreed I should take notes immediately afterward, and it worked. Any length of time over an hour would probably make things difficult.

[Rayne]

Quick update: I know it's been a while.

 

Kari changes her form with her mood or demeanor. When being serious, she uses her human form which has a normal (though soft-spoken) voice. The pony form is more playful and silly, and her voice has a much higher pitch and tempo.

 

We were listening to some of my old favorite songs, when she started singing along as a human. We're going to try this as an exercise to better develop my perception of her voice, both mentally and hallucinatory.

 

Kari has a completely new, self-designed human form! Of course, no one here has seen her old form, but it's new to us (especially me!). It's very different from my original design. I'll try to get pictures up soon.

 

Here's a random quote I got from Kari the other day.

"I don't like metal [music]. It just sounds like a bunch of noise."

[Rayne]

So here's a picture of Kari (click for full version):

 

We redesigned her together in APB Reloaded. She looks very different from my original design of the character, which I will not be showing you!

 

If you play the game you can meet her/us in person on the NA East (Joker) server. The name is KariPeace. I haven't started proxying for her in this or any other game yet, but we should start soon. It'd be a good exercise. Being a full-on third-person shooter, possession would be an interesting way to play, as well...

 

Any tips for practicing possession?