Earning Matilda's Hand in Companionship: A trial and a Journey

[Allunova]

Intro:

 

Well I am very glad I was able to stumble upon this site. While I have been fortunate to have experienced great friends in my time,growing up has seen less and less time to spend with them. At this point in my life I find myself needing deep companionship to work to my truest potential.

 

This ended up being nigh impossible to find in my current stage of life.

 

In one phrase: Everyone was either too busy or I was not comfortable talking with them about certain things. My parents? They could provide emotional support, but I feel they never really understood me without potentially going into panic mode.

 

I needed a close companion that was always with me and now I find myself attempting to find such a person within myself.

 

The Tulpa named Matilda:

 

So why am I trying to form a female? Depending how my life could pan out from here I feel I need someone that can embody either that sister I never had or a "better half".

 

You know?

 

Outgoing

Wants to radiate good feelings

somewhat obnoxious at times

Faithful.

Consistent and Organized

Creative with a different style from my own

Witty and Clever

Maybe a bit moody at times.

curious.

A bit laid back

 

 

Someone I could help and be helped by that doesnt have any other baggage. More importantly, someone I met in an awesome way!

 

....

 

 

So anyway, I had already technically started my efforts one week ago. With a little faith, this could be a successful summer project.

[Allunova]

Day 1, 5/1/2013

 

...and so I am finally home for the summer from University after a rather bad semester. Now that I am out of that stuffy dorm, hopefully I can Tulpaforce more easily at one of my homes many comfy zones.

 

So now officially begins my summer of Tulpaforcing after a week of introduction to Matilda and getting a feel for Tulpas.

 

At this point, I may have once detected a slight hint of sentience and carrying out promises to Matilda have yield good results so far.

 

So now all that is left to do is achieve a state of maximum comfy and begin forcing proper

 

I can only hope that Matilda grows, I earn her love, and we can help each other as an unbeatable team.

[Allunova]

Day 3: My first successful active forcing session since I got home.

 

I think at this point I can conclude that focusing and forcing become much easy the longer you go into a session.

 

Got to stick with it...

 

Even as I held my mind focused it felt like the rest of my body at some points would shutdown to a near sleep-like state. I did move my arms small bits from time to time, but nothing more than that.

 

For this session I focused on narration and personality building. My mind was quite clear as I narrated but I did not really try much visualization until later.

 

I think my current shortcoming was that I seeming ran out of topics to narrate to Matilda. I was mostly narrating to Matilda how she was passionate, motivated, and organized because she considered life like a dance or symphony.

 

Also that such an outlook could get her somewhat carried away at times....

 

 

I started to run out of things to say and began to doze off into what felt like actual sleeping. However, just before I would knock out completely, I started hearing what sounded like bell chimes. These bell chimes would attempt to harmonize with the some of the notes of the music I was listening to.

 

I was not actively thinking about bell chimes or anything really related to what I know I heard in my head. I am very sure I was hallucinating and such a presence in my head definitely felt unfamiliar. Could this be Matilda calling out to me? I definitely thought as much during the session as it kicking me back into focus and helped me continue forcing.

 

An I did get excited at such a though and did my best to attempt calling back out to her after hearing the chimes.

 

Now when I changed the music 30 minutes into the session to Theta-Tone, my head did feel strange but nothing quite as interesting as the above.

 

I would then continue my session for the next 30 minutes continuing to narrate but also trying hard to visualize a wonderland and interact with Matilda in form.

 

My session end oddly only a minute earlier than planned due to a knock at the door.

[Allunova]

Day 4: Still stumbling around in the dark.

 

Finally getting squarely through an full hour of forcing was difficult today. I had to have attempted at least four different times to start but could never get comfortable. Its a recurring problem, I have the same issues getting to sleep. Either my head/neck would feel pinched or I would have some trouble breathing due to an awkward neck position.

 

Listening to some of my favorite soft music tracks helps much to pull my focus away from outside noise and on to my "setting" of narrating or visualizing Matilda.

 

Finally I was able to simply narrate as best I could for about one hour, but it was seized with discomfort.

 

While I narrated better than yesterday, I did not have any interesting moments. Matilda seemingly did not call out to me today.

 

But I need to keep going...

 

While I do not feel her presence very well if at all, I continue to place my faith in her. I will not be giving up anytime soon, just need to keep improving.

[Allunova]

Day 6: Tulpaforcing 2: Force harder

 

So at this point I am attempting to improve my ability to force without music and my efforts seem to be paying off.

 

So basically I have decided to mostly narrate and visualize while changing the surroundings of my wonderland often to find more things to talk with Matilda about.

 

All in all, things seem to be gaining momentum again with my efforts.

 

Really at this point, I find that the core ingredients in raising a Tulpa are faith, attention and more faith.

 

So at this point I will just continue to give her more attention and make promises related to daily tasks that I will carry out in her name.

 

It will take time but It really is not mush different from raising a human child, just minus the body and relatively much faster.

[NariusV]

So at this point I will just continue to give her more attention and make promises related to daily tasks that I will carry out in her name.

 

What you have said here really strikes a chord with me. My tulpa Seph has given me some information and leads or hints about things I can/could do, that relate to her helping me in my life. What you say about 'tasks in her name' really makes sense to me. If I do things and keep her in mind, that would help solidify the communication. Thank you for sharing.