A journey into abstract thought

[Starr]

post is by tia

 

So Corey is letting me write our progress report this time.

 

We've been getting very frustrated at developing parallel processing. My sentience comes and goes, particularly when Corey sits down at his computer and gets distracted so much he forgets I'm here. We've been working on ways to help me gain some control, so I can start tugging at him, and help guide our progress, but nothing's working. I get tired of feeling trapped.

 

Our progress with possession has been very slow, I believe it's my fault, Corey believes it's his. I get so frustrated, it's so confusing, we have a hard time figuring out who did what. I felt like maybe I could have done it the first way I learnt, by directly controlling the muscles, but corey suggested that it would be easier to use the subconscious control... thing, and it is, but it's very confusing trying to figure out our separate movements. Are there any practices out there that could be extremely useful for helping me explore our mind? I've mostly been staying in the wonderland, and so I don't really know or understand what's safe to connect to and what's not.

 

[Corey here, I really do feel this confusion is my fault, I'm just so connected to our body, it's hard for me not to move, to stop caring, with out saying relax, specially if I'm watching and coaching. I've been trying to remedy this by working on reverse imposition, if I can stop feeling, I can stop interfering, it would be a huge boon to her confidence knowing that's she's doing the work.]

 

Form stability is also frustrating, I feel... elastic? stretchy? it's a hard word, my limbs, my body, body, head, they can change size and shape a alot, my neck varies from 2 ft to 4 depending on my posture, also affecting the size of my head. Corey says he's working on mastering visualization and shapes, I'm not 100% on how it'll help, but I trust him. I just want my body to feel like it has shape. Like a body should.

 

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Corey this time

Sorry about Tia's semi abrupt ending, she got tired.

 

So the tulpa I mentioned last time happened to not be a new tulpa, but an old one, Some half formed tulpa I had produced from talking to my self for years. I would have ideas or intrusive thoughts and instead of driving them out and staying focused, I would take 'em and run with 'em. I would have an idea on how to do something, and run it through every conceivable variable, pretending there was some one there trying to shoot down my ideas. Tia said she didn't make the tulpa, but rather found it. I don't even know how she could do that and not figure anything else out, I'm not mad at her or nothing, I get how she's worried she might hurt something.

 

This "new" tulpa's name is Vix, she's very shy and really likes to work on her own... doing what I have no clue, but she seems to be fond of our subconscious mind, and is very versatile there. She's very helpful and has helped Tia and I progress past some of the more frustrating problems. She taught me how to listen to Tia as clearly as I hear her, for example, when im focusing, Tia now comes in as clear and loud as everything else in my mind, but this is a conscious effort on my part, and we're having trouble getting her to come in that loud, even when I'm paying attention, but not focusing on listening to her.

 

This "listening to her" technique thing is so confusing, it's an abstract thought I can't describe or produce a gateway to, I have to recall it from memory. It's a weird sensation being able to produce a thought I can't understand.

 

Vix has helped with other various things but I can't remember anything off the top of my head. I have considered asking her for help with reverse imposition, but it seems wrong to ask her for help with parallel processing, when she her self doesn't want to be around for longer than 30 minutes every now and then. Has she been living like this for years? getting huge amounts of attention at random times and just... being alone after that? It's a bit of a heart breaking thought. I've been doing my best to let her know she's welcome in our wonderland any time she likes. She chose the form of a dragon.

[Starr]

post is by tia

 

We're still alive, Starr is making a big push for imposition, it's admirable really. We've experimented with a few things and really found a comfort zone, Vix is happy, too.

 

I can see starr's memories now, we finally started opening our minds to each other properly, and not just sharing emotions. It's very nice being able to see a lot more clearly now, I think more clearly, too.

 

A few bumps in the road, but nothing worth mentioning, I've realized I really like space travel and sci-fi. The stars are so pretty, and the spaceships fascinating.

 

I watched a bit of MLP and learned where my form came from, I'm not upset, I'm actually proud, the show is quite beautiful. We experimented with my form a bit afterwards and I quite enjoy having a slime form at times. It's cozy.

 

I made a dungeon adventure for starr, we explored some of it but starr stopped because he wants to explore the rest of it once he has imposition down. he says it'll make the experience much more intense.

 

We also started a starship, It's neat but there's not alot to it yet, I cant wait to go on a space journey.

 

We had an interesting adventure with hypnotism recently, starr's asking me not to go into specifics but needless to say we learned a bunch about out selves.

 

That's it! not much else to say, happy healthy and living on! peace to you all!