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Mew's Story


mew
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I'm going to attempt to write out my story as best I can remember it, and keep a log of my tulpa's progress.

 

I discovered this site late 2012, after hearing about the idea of tulpae elsewhere on the internet. Whilst I would usually be extremely sceptical of strange phenomena being anything other than misinterpretations of a logical event, the community appeared incredibly like the lucid dreaming community and actually mentioned lucid dreaming on occasion. I had dabbled in lucid dreaming before, and most definitely recognised it as a real psychological phenomenon, so I decided that it's rather unlikely to be entirely fake. My interests weren't so large that I was willing to spend a hundred hours creating a tulpa, and the concept didn't seem to suit me, especially not as I was still recovering from a failed love interest, so I left the subject of tulpae alone.

 

Come February 2013, I was graced with a week off, and I was rather bored as my laptop needed fixing. I don't remember if someone mentioned it or it just came to me out of the blue, but I remembered tulpae and this site, and decided I should at least take a look at it. Upon discovering that 100 hours was actually very rare for creating a tulpa, I decided it would be interesting to try.

 

Sara

My tulpa made extremely fast progress, being capable of limited telepathic communication after only a few hours. She was named Sara. Her appearance was of a curvy, healthy young girl in a manga-ish style, though since she was never imposed it was often subject to minor changes. Her personality was deviated heavily from the vague ideas I had, which was what I wanted, since I wanted Sara to be a unique being.

Over the period of a few days, Sara got very accustomed to speaking, now capable of sending full sentences instead of ideas to me, and began to develop interests, specifically music and film, which I believe she may have adapted directly from me given the similarity of our opinions, especially on music.

Now that Sara was developed to the point of high sentience, I decided we should attempt possession, as it would be an interesting experience for the both of us. Sure enough, it worked and we were able to switch positions for a short period of time. A strange thing I discovered was that Sara was in fact left handed as opposed to me being right handed, which was strange for both of us. Sara could definitely use my left hand more effectively than I could, and was capable of writing her name on paper better than I was.

 

Before I move on to the next part of my story, I'd like to suggest the following hypothesis based on the previous information and the fact that Sara had an obsession with keeping places clean and tidy, which are traits I definitely do not have.

Hypothesis: A tulpa created without clear interests or traits will develop some from the host, some opposite to the host, and some that are in the hosts best interests.

This would make a particularly large amount of sense to me at least, because the nature of tulpae makes them want what is in the host's best interests, and because the tulpa/subconscious would have difficulty trying to think of other interests that can be logical. (eg. if you knew little of fishing, your tulpa is not going to develop an interest in fishing since a) it can't actually fishing unless you do, which is unlikely and b) despite its interest in fishing, it wouldn't have a clue about it)

Something that is either black or white (eg. left/right handed, sexuality or potentially gender if that was left undecided) will be either lifted from the host in contrast or similarity to the host.

Finally, traits which would benefit the host may be chosen by the tulpa/subconscious since it wants the host to live healthily and well.

 

Any evidence which supports this hypothesis would be much appreciated.

 

Going back to my story, a friend of mine invited me to stay around his for the night. He knew of my tulpa, and whilst he found it weird he just accepted it and moved on, so he was fine with me tulpaforcing and such.

I enjoyed myself, but we went to bed very late and in the morning I felt ill and left earlier than I had wanted to. After the walk home, I felt more awake and less ill, so I returned to normal activities, most notably the practice of possession. This was a mistake. Later in the day I (unsurprisingly) fell asleep, but when I awoke it was impossible to tell me apart from my tulpa or know who's voice belonged to who.

This isn't an enjoyable state to be in, and I was panicked and scared.

Eventually, we split again (or were more clearly divided) but it became clear to both of us that continuing from where we were would be difficult and potentially dangerous, since we had taken things too far too quickly.

Ultimately, the decision was to dissipate Sara to protect me from psychological damage.

It was difficult, but that ended that escapade.

 

This was months ago now, and I never did get around to typing it up here, but I finally have.

Of course I don't quite expect anyone to believe my story 100%, and questions are especially welcome for this reason.

 

I intend to create a new tulpa soon, and impose it this time. By taking it slower and being more careful, I think I should be able to safely create a companion without posing a danger to myself.

 

Thank you for reading, I will update at a later date with details regarding my new tulpa.

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I think you were far too rash in your decision to dissipate Sara.

 

The state you're describing sounds like some sort of half-merged state or a state of depersonalization.

I haven't heard of it happening to many people in this community, but here were the causes in the cases that I've heard:

1) Someone made a tulpa and switched with her very early (less than 3 weeks in), the tulpa ended up sleeping while possessing the host. Their personalities got somewhat mixed as a result of this, at least for a short duration of time, until they've undone the process. After many months I've yet to hear of this ever happening to them again.

2) Someone did some psychedelics and the result was that both of the parties ended up sort of half-merged, but still somewhat independent, but using the same mindvoice.

Most other cases of this include doing it on purpose, such as both using the same mindvoice for some reason or another.

Also, some people create tulpas which slowly start as nearly identical to themselves and let the tulpa differentiate from themselves, although I'm not entirely sure this is the most optimal way to create a tulpa.

This sort of experience is also common with multiples too, as you can see here: http://www.kinhost.org/wiki/Main/Depersonalization

 

The usual solution is for both of you to calm down, focus on who you are, what you sound like and so on, and basically let each one of you regain their identity.

As the tulpa and you both grow you'll be far more skilled at knowing your boundaries, which will make this far less likely to happen.

 

Dissipation is too rash a decision and if you think you would do the same if it happened again with your other tulpa, you should probably not make a tulpa in the first place.

If you still want one, you should try and bring back Sara and both of you should try to be more careful and patient with each other this time around.

Bringing back a tulpa isn't too hard, just recall her presence/essence, or how she felt in your mind, and talk to her until she responds.

 

> I intend to create a new tulpa soon, and impose it this time. By taking it slower and being more careful, I think I should be able to safely create a companion without posing a danger to myself.

 

Imposition is a cool goal, but this issue isn't directly related to doing imposition/possession/switching, and it's more related to you and the tulpa's lack of experience in maintaining your boundaries/identity. It's something which you need to work on.

 

Best of luck in figuring out what you want to do next.

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1) Someone made a tulpa and switched with her very early (less than 3 weeks in), the tulpa ended up sleeping while possessing the host. Their personalities got somewhat mixed as a result of this, at least for a short duration of time, until they've undone the process. After many months I've yet to hear of this ever happening to them again.

This sounds most like what happened to me.

 

The usual solution is for both of you to calm down, focus on who you are, what you sound like and so on, and basically let each one of you regain their identity.

As the tulpa and you both grow you'll be far more skilled at knowing your boundaries, which will make this far less likely to happen.

 

Dissipation is too rash a decision and if you think you would do the same if it happened again with your other tulpa, you should probably not make a tulpa in the first place.

If you still want one, you should try and bring back Sara and both of you should try to be more careful and patient with each other this time around.

The decision was representative of both of us as my privacy was temporary and I couldn't afford to have those issues once I was surrounded by people again, and whilst in retrospect I would agree it was a rash decision ultimately that's what happened. It was frightening for the both of us however so please bear that in mind.

Bringing back a tulpa isn't too hard, just recall her presence/essence, or how she felt in your mind, and talk to her until she responds.

This is an issue. Since I took things far too quickly whilst her consciousness grew her form was still vague. I can't actually remember her well enough that I would agree I was recalling her as much as I would be creating a tulpa based off of her, which is not what I want at all. I do not rationally believe that I can bring Sara back now (though with the help of an advanced tulpa, I think it may be possible, but I'll ignore this train of thought for now).

It would be stupid of me to say I wasn't being far too carefree then, but I'm going to learn from my mistakes and do it properly and carefully, since I want to do this.

Imposition is a cool goal, but this issue isn't directly related to doing imposition/possession/switching, and it's more related to you and the tulpa's lack of experience in maintaining your boundaries/identity. It's something which you need to work on.

The reason I want to focus on imposition is that it separates us more and will prevent us from making the same mistake twice.

Additionally, not running headlong into this is certainly going to help.

Best of luck in figuring out what you want to do next.

Thank you.

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