Wherein I attempt to perform Tulpa related activities

[BackAgain]

Okay, here we go.

First off, I'm pretty bad at doing tupla things.

Discovered them via /mlp/ (oh god how horrifying) early 2012, though that it sounds pretty cool why not. Read some guides and with no idea what I was doing I had a tulpa, Octavia, based off that pony (thankfully we ended up ditching this form, but opinions and etcetera)

With no idea what to do, I pretty much followed the guide, doing the whole personality trait list and all that, and long story short, it didn't work. Can't remember what happened, but I just wasn't doing it anymore. I eventually picked it back up. This happened several times because I'm bad at this. At attempt number four, some things happened in life that made me reconsider a lot of stuff, and I ended up stopping again. This lasted for just under half a year, when I realised that I had to do this. I began again, with what may or may not be a different tulpa entirely (I am still somewhat confused about this). Certainly she has a diferent name (Alex) and form (Human) than before, but I am not entirely sure of the effects of previous attempts and periods of nothingness on her.

The point is, we figured that if we're gonna be serious about this, I have to make a progress report here. Somehow it will keep me focused, I guess.

 

So this is that. Hopefully for us I'll return with all that standard info about her and what is going on.

[BackAgain]

I suppose it's about time I actually came back here before I screw us both over again.

I have been tulpaforcing in the interval, which is good. Hour count I have no idea, which is good? I don't know, we just seem pretty happy to take it as it comes. At this point I am getting some kind of mindvoice response, at our best we can just about hold a somewhat two-sided conversation. Finding time to actively tulpaforcing is difficult, so I have been doing a lot of passive narration, which, while difficult to remember to do, I like to think I'm getting better at. However not much groundbreaking has happened, but as I said, we're taking it as it comes right now.

[BackAgain]

Oh God I'm slipping.

Not a lot has happened which is not good, but I suppose I can't expect progress to happen all the time, so consider this update a kick up the butt for me.

Tulpaforcing is not convenient due to family being everywhere at the moment. Empty posts are fun, but maybe it'll help me get back on track

[Shui]

It is hard to focus on something with your family pestering you. When that happens, try passive forcing. Just imagine Alex is there with you as you go about your life. See her walking with you. Speak to her (in your mind, if you must), and allow her to speak back if she can.

 

You might want to read CyberD's log -- much of his forcing was passive as he worked or played games or whatever. It didn't matter if people were around and he couldn't get any peace and quiet.

[BackAgain]

Ha ha, I am not dead or abandoning my tulpa, fantastic.

I probably should have mentioned I was going on holiday, but I did, and it turns out that without the gargantuan distraction of the internet, me and Alex managed to do rather well for ourselves.

Although it seems very few people noticed my absence, which is nice as I don't feel like enduring the community's wrath for not progress reporting.

We didn't hit any major milestones, no proper audible voices or any of that, but we reckon we should look up some guides and do something big soon.

Exciting things happening soon maybe, or maybe I'll just forget this place exists again, but I think we've passed some kind of point where I'm into this now.

Hooray

[BackAgain]

Okay, Jet lag is not good for tulpa stuff first of all.

I have no idea what's going on, but at least it's still going.

Also, eyes are hard. I got her form down pretty good, except the eyes. Something about colour.

Nothing hugely exciting has materialised which is unfortunate, but we're still going forward.

[BackAgain]

Okay oh my god second update today but a thing happened.

So I was reading around the guides and found that one thing about misinterpretation of sentience from the start or whatever and It made me worry about stuff, like 'oh crap what if I'm not doing enough what if Alex is gonna be screwed up because I'm not trying hard enough'. So I decide to go and do some proper active tulpaforcing and figure this out with her.

Particularly at this point I was worried about personality. Back when Alex was still Octavia and all that stuff that made the change, I did the whole writing out personality traits thing and did a whole bunch of narration to each one. I'm talking back when FAQ_Man's guide was the thing. So I did all of this and then shit happened and I ended up stopping for a while before we gained the proper momentum of whatever. When I got back on track, I wasn't sure about the consequences of all that like I said back up at the start. Back to today, here I am worrying if Alex is going to turn out some kind of half-tulpa without proper independence like I read somewhere on here.

Here's where some of that crazy wonderland stuff comes in (to be honest I didn't really believe in any of that weird symbolism that shows up occasionally but this happened, I guess). So here we are in some kind of mind-void or whatever. See, we don't really have a wonderland right now, we had a couple previously, particularly at the start, we flitted around a whole bunch of them. All that aside, here I am thinking oh god what are we gonna do, Alex is feeling worried about my worry if that makes sense, but she doesn't seem too worked up herself. We have an idea to go right back to basic personality stuff. Screw the form, glowing ball of emotion and personality or something. I figure if we forget about form, we can get closer communication. And this is the part that feels ridiculous to type, heck I probably would be sceptical if I read this about someone else. I put my head in the glowing ball that I guess is Alex at this point, and just think something along the lines of 'we need to sort this out'. And I get some of the strongest head pressure I've had in a while. I try and think about some personality traits that fit. This is when Alex chimes in. She tells me a whole bunch of the traits I laid out, way way back. Even some of the exact stuff I said about them, justification and all that stuff from the old guide. Then, she took me to all our old wonderlands. And she said something important. I can't remember the exact words or even if it was more than the thought and feeling, but it went something like this.

 

This is your work. You've put more work into me than you realise. Everything you've done in the past is important to me, to us.

 

It wasn't really actual words, this is how I got the message she was putting out. I mean, we've had kind of word-based mindvoice communication before, you probably know what I mean, but this was pure, meaningful. This pretty much stopped all my doubts, and hell, I'm excited that a thing happened.

I get this is exceedingly rambly and most of you probably won't read such a disorganised wall of text, I probably wouldn't, but if anyone has more of any thoughts on what might have happened, if anyone else has anything similar, I'd appreciate having anything, because this is pretty big I think.

 

Anyway, probably poorly written update is over.