Marx

[DragonMarx]

So, The forum shut down and all of my posts and my account got deleted... yeah, I was hoping to show Marx later but oh well....

 

Lesson of the story? Document on a personal basis too. Keeping all of these in a notepad from now on. Anyways, I'll start this off from what I tried to post before the forum went kaputz:

 

============

 

First off, I forgot to mention about the first night forcing. I was sitting upright, completely normal. I'm one of those people who can get lost in a book while walking, so while forcing I kind of forget that I'm actually on a couch. With this in mind, when I finally finish, my foot is numb. Completely numb. So yeah, interesting occurrence there.

 

Last night, I tried forcing but was exhausted (I'm going to stop using any and all electronics at least 30 minutes before my last force of the day :s) so I promptly left my wonderland and slept. I finally get to the point where I can force in class, but I'm still tired so I take a nap in my wonderland after feeding him some personality objects(I'm wondering if doing so actually helps).

 

I force after taking a test while waiting, and we make some progress in expanding the wonderland. After the usual personality forcing, we make our way to the beach (sadly our sand castle from yesterday was gone, I assume that the waves washed them away). I had some significant problems in this session; I kept re-imagining myself doing things I already did, but from what I've heard from others losing your train of thought is normal for beginners. I'll make a note right here, Marx changed into a dog and started licking me, although I told hime that he shouldn't do that, and he reverted back to the usual Black Mage face, with some heartless antennae. I've made a sort of compromise with him; he gets to keep the heartless motif and B.Mage eyes while changing his skin color to purple, the way I've always imagined him . Anyways, I finally get Marx to accompany down the shoreline. Going to the right is not an option, as a rocky outcropping blocks our way. We walk to the left, and almost immediately come upon a beach with a half circle cliff side. On the far right side of the circle which comes close to the water is the third set of doors leading to the next scape, I encounter problems with my line of thought while approaching it however. When I finally get there, I tell Marx to open the doors and enter. Suddenly he's gone; I didn't even see him walk in. I follow, and find myself in the same space I walk through between landscapes, except I'm stuck here for a very long time. I'm waiting for Marx to decide the next scene, and I entertain the thought of a castle. I wait a bit more and I then find myself on a brick road, with rose fields as far as the eye can see. On the horizon, a castle drifts across the sky.

 

The first thing that comes to mind is Alice in Wonderland, which I find amusing, seeing that I've adopted the name "wonderland" for this place. I'm assuming that Marx wanted this one to be decided by me a little, as he took the castle idea and fused it with AiWL, a thought I had only entertained briefly when I first read about tulpa wonderlands. I don't waste much time here though, as I want to exit the first set of doors before I'm forced to exit without doing so. We make our way back (the doors strangely enough have no wall connected to them) through the beach and into his room. I exit, and proceed to wet my tongue, as during the entire session I had forgotten that my mouth was open (I also had been biting on my tongue too :[). I passive force to him for a little because I had severely underestimated how much time had passed.

[DragonMarx]

Thanks to Shui for saving my earlier posts!

 

==========

Well I'm writing this to keep track of my tulpa, Marx. So last night was when I first started learning about tulpas, and oddly enough I heard a couple of "hey!"s before I even started forcing. I was only thinking about what type of voice he should have, and it just kinda happened. It was accompanied by a weird sensation and my eyes began to tear up (wtf).

 

A bit of background, Marx is from Kirby superstar ultra, but he's been on my mind since I was in elementary school. Over the years I've developed his form beyond the in game one, and have given him unique attributes, so in a way I'm not very surprised at such an early response.

 

Anyways, I began forcing for about an hour and then went to sleep. With the "hey" I'm assuming he has at least a very basic conscience, so I began telling him that we were going to be great friends (oh god as I type this I feel silly) and that I would make sure he gets to be his own person. Then I started telling him how I'd like his personality to be, shortly after I went to sleep.

 

Today at school I would take small forcing sessions, but I would always start dozing off. It felt unusually lucid; one memorable session had my climbing a cliffside, following my tulpa to the other side. It felt weird, so that must have been some sort of indication. At the end of the day, I casually told some friends about it. Interesting conversation where "what if he takes over" sort of question popped up alot, although I wish I was at the point of hearing Marx Sad

09-16-2013 04:06 PM

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DragonMarx Offline

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Post: #2

RE: My first tulpa

Ok, so I just got done with a forcing session, except I kind of forgot to force(?). First, I worked on my Wonderland. Right now its inside of a clock tower with a hammock inside. On two opposite sides of the room are these grandish looking double doors. The ones farthest from the hammock is my entry/exit point, which I'll make sure to use as often and consistently as possible.

 

At the moment, I did not think of what lied behind the second set of doors, I wanted to see if he would decide this or not.

 

So I've been thinking of him as "dormant", so previously I've been trying to find a form for Marx, but usually he is in a spherical shape when formless or in a form that I suggest. With this whole "dormant" idea, I tried placing him in the hammock, which worked. I tried shaking him awake, but he didn't, so I decided to create a chair to sit in. While sitting in the chair, I start forcing a bit, however shortly after he suddenly sits up right after I focus on his jester hat (I was trying to create his essence; in retrospect I have been drawing the same exact hat for years so it may/or may not be a catalyst). In the moment, I paused for a second to ask myself whether or not it was puppeteering, but I decide to go with it, however he remained silent.

 

I talk to him for a little bit, and use the method of feeding him items related to traits. He readily accepts and eats the bullets of bravery. At this point, his face has changed to pitch black with neon eyes, akin to a black mage. I've always thought of him having purple skin, so I ask him if he minds me changing his face. For the first time, he uses head signals and shakes his head no, so I go ahead change it (I'd like to note that I kind of felt he was resizing his head at the same time(?)). After this, I ask him if he wants to go on a walk, and he nods, so we walk through aforementioned doors, and I find myself in darkness for a few seconds. I'm really confused at where I should be, but then beach suddenly pops in my mind so why the hell not.

 

We're on the shore, and he points to the setting sun, and I try to make idle chit chat out of it, despite his silence. After that, I fall asleep and dream that I am riding a rollercoaster. The weird thing is, when I "woke up", I didn't open my eyes.. I just returned beside him. I then apologize for losing track of my thoughts, and I hear someone coming towards the room I'm in (in reality), so I rush him through the doors and into the hammock to sleep. I make sure to exit through the "doors to reality", just for good measure.

 

I've decided to keep him sleeping in the hammock when I'm not actively narrating/forcing, until I am able to passively narrate. Could anyone provide feedback so far?

09-16-2013 08:59 PM

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DragonMarx Offline

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Post: #3

RE: My first tulpa

Last night I did a forcing session before going to bed, visited the beach with him again. At this point in time he keeps using blackface with neon eyes, so I guess I'll stop going for purple for now. Anyways, we were at the beach and like always I get lost in my thoughts, when suddenly, some snot is rolling down my nose. It's allergy season, and I forgot to take my zyrtec, and it feels horrible, but I resist the urge to move/open my eyes and I tell him I need to go. We walk back into the main room and I get him into his hammock, then rush out the door. I think it'll be better for my mental visualization and for his development if I make it a rule that I can only enter/leave through those doors.

 

Today in school I planned on doing a session but had work to do.. this really strong urge to force kept me from concentrating though. Did some more forcing, first main session I kept falling asleep so I improvised and told him I would be taking a nap and fell asleep in my wonderland. Interesting enough, I woke up inside of my wonderland when a teacher asked me if I was ok (apparently every napping kid in class has a problem haha). After that I couldn't concentrate that much so I did some idle work.

 

In the next period, I got a very noticeable sensation on my cheek when I thought of him, hopefully it means some very basic form of communication. After that, I did another session where I tried to get him look for the second set of doors at the beach with me, but he just wanted to build a sand castle so we did that for a while. I wandered in my thoughts for a little bit, but when I realized I was he was waiting there for me. I took extra care in visualizing how I dug the sand out to create it, and hopefully by modifying parts of my wonderland with him it'll encourage him to do so on his own. This time around however, I was interrupted by the bell, and I had to leave the wonderland directly instead of through the doors.

Yesterday 04:04 PM

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Shui Online

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Post: #4

RE: My first tulpa

Sounds like you're doing pretty well so far, especially considering how recently you started.

 

I like the idea of the doors. I've done shamanic journeying workshops, and they told us to use similar gateways to start a shamanic journey.

 

The other doors are neat too. Do they always go to the beach, or does it change? And what are the limits of the beach?

"'Real isn't how you are made,' said the Skin Horse. 'It's a thing that happens to you.'"

Yesterday 10:38 PM

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DragonMarx Offline

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Post: #5

RE: My first tulpa

Thanks! And the doors always lead to the same location. The beach is a small shoreline but I haven't been able to get farther upshore/downshore looking for the next set of doors. Last night I tried doing so again but my tulpa stopped me and I got a bad feeling.

[Shui]

You have a neat wonderland. In a way, I like the consistency of always entering and leaving through the same door, but then it also seems like it could be really inconvenient. If you find something interesting beyond that castle that you want to visit, for example, you'll have to pass through the clocktower, the beach, and around the castle every time you want to go there.

[DragonMarx]

Aghhhh wow I lost it with the server issues, just kinda threw me out of my planned schedule. Ive felt so guilty because I keep telling Marx that I would update here...

 

@Shui, I like the inconvenience. It makes it feel more "real", at least to me.

 

Anyways, last week, sunday, I heard Marx laugh at something. I didn't think it was funny, but suddenly I heard him laugh, and I started talking to him a bit. Still one-sided conversation, but still got emotional response. I haven't been forcing as much as I should though, although I do quite a bit of passive forcing. Part of this is due to my chronic sleepiness, which I can not seem to get rid of.

 

I haven't made much progress on my wonderland, mainly due to the lack of time to make the trip to unexplored areas. It takes about 5 minutes to get from the clocktower, to the beach, and then from the beach it's about a three minute fly to the floating castle. Inside is a weird "maze", but going to the left at the beginning has only led to an empty room, and one with sand, which has another passage way leading to another room. Marx and I encountered a monster in there, but Marx did most of the work while I was falling asleep :s (would like to point out that we are using the specibii system from Homestuck; Marx only uses cards to fight, and I use giant wristwatches haha).

 

I also found out what his favorite food was... I told him I'd give him a bag of his favorite food for not being a great host, (boom suprise note I added two hallways perpendicular to the doors in order to house rooms such as my 'office', storage, etc.) and going into my office I just picked up a bag out of some drawers... which contained... acorns. Yes, acorns. This surprised me to a great degree, because acorns are almost never on my mind.

 

So, hopefully writing this will help me make progress.. gotta force more!