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[Darkstar]

Right of the bat there is going to be a lot of text. Sorry about that, but I do take considerable effort with all things written (if you have watched MLP think of how obsessive Twilight can get). Ill try to break it into easily readable chunks, emboldening important things or questions, that I almost certainly will forget to do at some point. Okay lets get started.

 

So my name is Adam or Darkstar, whichever you prefer.

I'm 24, Work full-time & live in Australia. If you want any minor personal details.

I came across the phrase Tulpa on /mlp/ in a thread I can no longer remember. After some research I was intrigued, I mean how cool would it be to have the ultimate companion with you for the rest of your life. Awesome. After further research it became apparent that this was going to be a big commitment. Something that should not be decided hastily. I spent time reading as much as I could find, which largely was from Tulpa.info. I made the decision.

 

Now, since I actually started the creation process a little over a month ago. I have some logs that I wrote during that time, because I'm the type of person that will document this journey audience or no. Which I shall post here. I wont post them all one after another, that would just be to much. I will give you guys time to read, comment, etc.

 

This is where the walls of text will start.

 

Log 1

19/9/2013

 

It has been 9 days since Ive started the Tulpa experiment - Project Echo. In this time frame I have read many creation guides, visualization guides and general stuff about Tulpae and am very excited to continue on my journey down this path.

 

The first thing I did during the pre-creation stage was form a list of personality traits that I found desirable and write descriptions of these traits and how they would effect Echo and her interactions/beliefs. Secondly I wrote/paraphrased a introduction letter to Echo, which included a basic hello, then the outline of the personality that I wanted to give her, and also acknowledging she is there and sentient from the start, asking her to help me with this creation process.

 

I haven't kept individual log entries for the first 9 days because there hasn't really been that much to report.

 

From that very first day of creation, whenever I think about Echo I get a fuzzy feeling on my forehead and when I'm concentrating on her I get a very focused spot, just above my eyebrows in between my eyes. I believe that this is her presence or "Spiritual Pressure" as Ive been calling it (shamelessly stolen from Bleach). Once or twice during forcing sessions, it has pulsed intensely when Ive asked Echo a question. I believe this to be a sign of sentience and response. Apart from the pressure on my head and the one or two pulses, Ive not had to my knowledge or understanding (I say this because she could be shouting at me and I'm just not able to hear it) any other signs or responses from her.

 

My forcing sessions for the most part have been 40 minutes of me sitting or reclining in bed closing my eyes and just talking/thinking too or at Echo. Ive tried very limited visualization but can barely get an outline to appear and when I'm successful its gone in an instant. I did force personality the first couple of days but I feel that it was lacking depth and sort of slacked off because Tulpa's will develop their own personalities just fine. I have also not created a wonderland because of how bad my visualization tries were, but I think I was just going about it the wrong way, so now instead of just forcing it I'm going to passively day-dream about it and try that way. Ive always had success in the past going on adventures using this method. I feel that I should also step it up during my next forcing sessions by going back to personality and doing things that Ive read in guides about symbolically adding those traits into her form.

 

So what do you guys think?

[Darkstar]

So its been five days an not a single response, that's not discouraging or anything. Anyway here is my second log.

 

Log 2

Ive decided that my Tulpa's name shall be Sable (Say-bull) The reason I have come to this decision was because Sable is the name of a companion character that I always fantasized about which I had created background and personality for. Originally I was going with Echo because, I thought that it should be a completely separate project or schism in my mind. Some of the factors in deciding the change were: Echo as a name was stolen from the tv series Dollhouse, It referred that who it was named for was a hollow creature or a shadow of its former self both of which are negative aspects especially for a Tulpa.

 

Sable is much better for me and hopefully her, she may choose another name if she wishes.

 

Now back to the actual progress, of which there is some but nothing significant. I feel her presence getting stronger and seems to be spreading across my head during forcing/narration sessions. Once or twice she may have said something but it felt like my voice/mind and I was starting to drift off to sleep so results are hard to judge. I have continued my regimen of narrating during my lunchtimes at work and have introduced a rule of before I even turn on my computer when I get home from work, I must do at least 40mins of forcing. I still feel this isn't enough though or maybe its because I have no real progress to report. I am continuing to read to her and feel her presence strongly during those sessions.

 

I am getting a little better at remembering to picture her with me while at work and trying to passive force. I like to imagine her running around the shop or flying lazily around, mostly I just imagine that she stands on my shoulders with her front hooves resting on my head while she looks around.

 

Probably should mention she is a pony tulpa. I do however want to know if making multiple forms for them is possible? I have 3 forms I cannot choose between, so I am just defaulting to a pony because it seems the easiest to visualize.

[Ashmo]

Why don't you let her choose the form she wants?

[Darkstar]

I have said that it is fine by me if she wants to choose a form herself. Apart from head pressures though I have had no notable responses, even when asking her questions.

[Darkstar]

Log 3

So I have just continued my routine of narrating in my car at work while on my lunch break and then narration for 40 minutes when I get home

from work before I turn on my computer, and not much has changed. I have loaded up my tablet with images of ponies to look at while

narrating in the hopes that it will help me with visualization and burn the basic form into my mind.

 

While I was narrating on my lunch break Sable's usual forehead pressure kind of... cracked?

It felt like it condensed into a ball of iron and then split/shattered, immediately after I felt a very serene calm wash over me but I couldn't really enjoy it because Sable's presence had dissipated and I was worried something had gone wrong.

I could still feel her but very faintly and when I got home and did my usual narration the pressure on my forehead was different, softer, calmer I'm not really sure how to explain it, though I take it to mean she has either deviated on something or had just progressed and is in a new stage of development. I was however getting a little more responses out of her, just more vibrations or pulses that I interpret as replies. Also

during the limited visualization since then I am getting flashes of a white alicorn (I think) with electric blue mane and tail, and again I am unsure

whether that it is me/intrusive thoughts or Sable deviating.

[Darkstar]

Didn't know if I should include this bit of substance abuse story telling but fuck it. I don't smoke often but when I do the introspective insights and revelations I get are pretty eye opening, for me at least. So I thought it might help with my tupper.

 

Ill also add this disclaimer for anyone looking to insight arguments about drugs or chide me for writing about my experiences. I also know there are users here under the age of 18 so "I do not advocate the use of drugs in any shape or form, I am not recommending them for use in the development of Tulpae".

That being said if you are going to abuse a substance combine it with My Little Pony for one of the best times you will ever have.

 

 

After going through a herculean effort to get some weed.

Got Comfy, had a cone and watched some MLP.

Mind bending ensued. I had... an epiphany, and I realized. THE RIDE NEVER ENDS. The weight of that simple joke and the delicious irony that now accompanied it, caused me to burst into mad laughter.

I am too far gone down the rabbit hole and I will not shy away from this glorious fate.

I have fully committed myself with all my being. I dived from the rail of "Social norm" into the unknown. If anyone discovered my secret, I would be branded a lunatic most dangerous...

Sable is real now.

 

So yeah, I have rationalized her in my head and now firmly believe in her. I may have heard her talk or feel an emotion from her and because I'm so unsure, I'm going to believe it was her.

Cool Stuff. 2deep4u type shit. Thought it was of note.

[Darkstar]

So after the standard narration schedule continuing. I found that I was getting little in the way of responses via head pulses, or any other reaction. I decided to ask Sable if she could make an effort to give me responses ...nothing really happened.

 

A couple of days ago there was a Tulpa thread on /mlp/ and a few of the posts were about how much different anons cared for their tupperware (one anon quoted loving his tulpa with the force of a billion suns, to which was replied "only a billion step it up") I digress. My point is that profound love was expressed for each hosts tulpa and it made me feel so inspired that I knew I had to put more effort in and not give a shit if my progress was/is slow.

 

I spent around 4 hours maybe more yesterday narrating with a stab at visualization sporadically during that time. I felt like we had accomplished something in what felt like a long while. Today while narrating I was every now and then getting a reply after a statement, I thought that I was parroting these because it feels/sounds like I am the one responding. I also thought it would be more of a momentous occasion when she finally spoke. I expected a rush of emotion or an alien presence, not whispers that sounded like me, so I kinda discounted it was Sable.

 

I remember thinking that I need to look up parrotnoia and see what the guides say. WHELP turns out that those responses probably have been Sable all along, parroting requires 100% conscious effort apparently and I really don't feel I am doing that. So it looks like Sable is vocal. God I feel happy and proud and all sorts. Now I just need to start learning to distinguish her mind-voice from mine, then do training so she can get her own voice and not sound quite so like me.

 

Looking back, I asked Sable for responses (practically begged) I was getting a little down from the seeming lack of progress. Then a couple of days later I start hearing her. That's pretty awesome.

[Darkstar]

After struggling with doubt for the past 6 days I decided to sit down and test Sable's vocal skills.

I asked her to surprise me, nothing.

I asked her to interrupt me, nothing.

Sat there and just listened, absolutely nothing.

 

I think Ive been parroting her this whole time. The mindvoice is identical to mine. Only talks when I'm not. Ive also realized I hold my breath when its talking. Ive never felt any strong emotion from her, nor tulpish or random thoughts/data or anything alien. I firmly believe its just me. Now I feel foolish, disappointed and more than a little sad. Whats worse is I don't even know if she is sentient. How do I tell, when all I get from her is the singular, unchanging head-pressure? Ive tried asking her to answer yes or no with different pressures in different places, also nothing. I am so lost right now and would really appreciate some input.

 

I suppose its only been 2 months since her creation and I never stringently outlined her personality, just gave her a couple of loose traits and started narrating. She could be under-developed, i don't know... this just seems like a massive setback and moral has taken a nosedive.

[Guest Riy]

After struggling with doubt for the past 6 days I decided to sit down and test Sable's vocal skills.

I asked her to surprise me, nothing.

I asked her to interrupt me, nothing.

Sat there and just listened, absolutely nothing.

 

I think Ive been parroting her this whole time. The mindvoice is identical to mine. Only talks when I'm not. Ive also realized I hold my breath when its talking. Ive never felt any strong emotion from her, nor tulpish or random thoughts/data or anything alien. I firmly believe its just me. Now I feel foolish, disappointed and more than a little sad. Whats worse is I don't even know if she is sentient. How do I tell, when all I get from her is the singular, unchanging head-pressure? Ive tried asking her to answer yes or no with different pressures in different places, also nothing. I am so lost right now and would really appreciate some input.

 

I suppose its only been 2 months since her creation and I never stringently outlined her personality, just gave her a couple of loose traits and started narrating. She could be under-developed, i don't know... this just seems like a massive setback and moral has taken a nosedive.

 

All right, let's take this nice and easy.

I think Ive been parroting her this whole time. The mindvoice is identical to mine.

~This is common, I think. Personally Zala 'spoke' to me using my own voice for several days, and yes it did seem an awful lot like I was just talking to myself with her just so happening to be there. I think it's important to point out that a tulpa can only pull information, memories, and opinions from things that you yourself have experienced. I have to imagine that people with tulpas that are a bit more flushed out are still hearing their vocal tulpas slightly with their own mindvoice but also mostly with their tulpas voice.

Advice: Your tulpa is going to grow and develop at a rate that both you and it are comfortable with. Personally I do not think that you can 'speed up' or 'slow down' the development process. Sure there are things you can do to make the process more EFFECTIVE such as devoting more time to passively or actively forcing. But when it comes to actual development progress you aren't going to be able to just sprint some things out, vocality being an example. I would commit more sessions towards simply talking to it and asking it questions. It may not give you straight up answers but you may find yourself getting 'gut feelings' or emotions about things, this is what happened to me for a bit before I realized this is how Zala started to communicate with me.

Be patient and consistent.

 

 

Whats worse is I don't even know if she is sentient.

~I must stress again that this is solely my opinion on the subject and I am by no means an expert.

Sentience can take months, or even years to develop. I personally think that many people rush into trying to get their tulpas to be sentient without realizing that the tulpas development was retarded severely in the process. (I mean retarded as the literal sense of the word.)

Dealing with your tulpa is a journey not a destination. Like anything else in this world it's going to take time, effort, and energy in order to achieve the things you want. I'm not saying you're expecting things to just be handed to you ("Here's a full-fledged tulpa for you to enjoy, for free!) but I'm also not telling you to slave every day until sentience is achieved. I'm merely trying to explain to you that sentience can take a lot of time, and like before, you're going to reach that benchmark at a pace that you and it are comfortable with.

Advice: Do not confuse a mute tulpa giving off no strong waves of emotion or feeling as being a dumb tulpa. I would focus on maintaining it's list of traits you want and expect as well as injecting it with personality as much as possible. Try not to go overboard with parroting but if you want an answer, get an answer.

You already have a form and mindset for it, now make it happen!

 

 

She could be under-developed, i don't know... this just seems like a massive setback and moral has taken a nosedive.

~Everything concerning tulpas and their development can be worked on and repaired. Maybe not entirely 'fixed', but repaired.

I wouldn't list everything you want your tulpa to be written in stone, but writing it in pencil allows for things to be changed and erased. I had a care-free mindset with Zala but I also had the conviction to tell myself that I would do what it took to be with her through her development. It's been roughly 2 months (same as you) and I struggle with projection and even remembering exactly what she looks like. You aren't alone in the struggle, we're on the same level just in different rooms is all.

Advice: As stated before, persistence is key here. I know it can seem hopeless and that you're wasting your time, but stick with it and you will see results. Have a general idea as to what you expect and try to instill that into your tulpa. Stay positive and I promise you that you will eventually see results.

 

Consistency, persistence, and a positive attitude are an OMNIPOTENT combination!

 

I wish you the absolute best. Let us know how things are going when you can!

 

Cheers!

 

 

[Darkstar]

Thankyou for your reply Riy. Doubts have diminished and I feel more determined now. Funny the effect some positive reinforcement and a good day at work can have. I think over the next few days I'm just going to try and spend as much time as possible with Sable. I tell myself this everyday, but usually just end up doing my scheduled hour and twenty minutes of narration. I also think ill start focusing more on visualization, I am pretty bad at it. I still instinctively try to see with my eyes, though I have noticed improvement compared to when I started.

 

Consistency I have no problem with, though I think I'm gonna ramp it up. Persistence isn't a worry, Ive told Sable many times that no matter how long it might take or how hard it gets, I will see her fully realized and absolutely will not give up. I shall take your advice and use it to the best of my ability. Thankyou again.