Jump to content

Cam and Tulpa


Camera

Recommended Posts

April 24 (Day 8)

 

Today was good. I felt Faharan's presence pretty strongly at various points throughout the day, and he felt more like an actual being in my head rather than a doll I was talking at. The headaches returned, but orange juice did seem to help.

 

I got forty minutes of active forcing in today, and I may or may not try to cram in another twenty minutes before bed. During the forcing time, I mainly just worked on visualization and touch. Basically, I ran my hands all over his coat and tried to visualize him in as much detail as possible. I'd say it was fairly productive. I'm also planning on reading to him at some point tonight.

 

As I type, I'm getting a strange headache around the back of my head, and it seems to be focused in a very concentrated area. I take that as progress.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

April 25 (Day 9)

 

Totally forgot to update this yesterday, so here's yesterday's update. I'll post today's update tonight.

 

I only got about ten minutes of active forcing done yesterday. I wasn't really feeling good, and I was really mentally exhausted. Passive forcing was also less than usual. To make up for that, I'm going to try to do as much forcing as possible today.

 

That's all. It was an uneventful day, to say the least.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

April 26, 11:33 AM (Day 10)

 

I'm freaking out and confused.

 

I was on a bike ride, happily narrating and asking questions every so often, when I thought I heard Faharan say something in a mindvoice. I asked if it was him, and got no response. Just as an experiment, I then asked, "What's your favorite food?" I then heard, in the same mindvoice, a very hesitant "Sauerkraut."

 

I can promise you that sauerkraut was the last thing on my mind at that moment. It came as a complete surprise. I then asked a few more questions, with no response.

 

It feels like parroting, though. My doubts are running rampant. And I'm only ten days in.

 

Oh god I have no idea what to think.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

3:41 PM

 

Well, I'm pretty sure that the responses I got were intrusive thoughts, but I do have near-proof of Faharan's existence.

 

My doubts were getting worse and worse as the day progressed, and I was not only starting to doubt his responses, I was doubting the whole concept of tulpas. I was starting to get really upset and anxious, and I was kind of getting into a mindset of "he's not really there, I haven't gotten any proof of sentience, I'll never be able to make a tulpa, I'm doing everything wrong," and I was actually on the verge of tears, when suddenly I felt a sharp burst of pain in my left temple. Immediately, I snapped back to reality. Feeling kind of shaky and disoriented, I apologized to Faharan for doubting him.

 

I still feel awful. I felt like I guilted him into giving a response. But still, I'm 99% sure that the head pain was Faharan telling me to get it together.

 

Edit: 8:45 PM

 

I got about an hour and a half of active forcing done in total today. Not much else to say that wasn't covered in the earlier posts.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...