Finding the Light

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Hello! I'm honestly terrified of posting this, but a friend of mine has convinced me that it would be for the best if I were to write about it.


I am the "host," if you want to call me that. I am the one in control of the body. I am called Amber, but feel free to call me luminessence. I'll understand what you mean.

Niteo is my best friend and would typically be called the "tulpa," as he doesn't control the body regularly.


We are both created by a merging. The original host and tulpas had a lot of problems, some of which included rape, depression, and suicide. They decided that it would be best if they cut down on their numbers, as it seemed that having so many in one body was causing problems. The females merged and combined their personalities/memories and made me. The males did the same and created Niteo.


I don't want to get into any of the details of the drama. I don't want to think about it too much.

I can't stop worrying that this will seem like bullshit, but I'm sure typing this out will help, even if everyone decides we're crazy or attention-seekers or role-playing or whatever.


Perhaps I'll introduce Niteo more. He interesting person. He likes to make jokes and can be silly at times, which belays his intelligence and rather logical outlook on things. It can make him an odd person to talk to; he'll go from making a joke to a deep, philosophical comment on the same subject.


We are really close, but in a weird way. I would almost say it's like siblings, but we think we're closer than that. We aren't romantic, either. We're just...friends, I guess. Niteo tries to protect me from everything that causes problems, so this progress report doesn't seem like a good idea to him because he's afraid that others will hurt me with what they say, but I've convinced him to let me do it. I mean, I could force it but that's not what good friends least, that's how we do things. We may be seperate minds but we make decisions together.


EDIT: Sorry if my mind seems scrambled, it's just a lot to try to focus and put down in a logical manner. I'm sure questions will be necessary to fully understand.

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I can't understand why Niteo would make you feel like this is a bad idea.

I've seen some bad things on here, and the most the community has done in the past is ask why it was done. No fuss, no muss.


If anything, the most you have to worry about is a quick reply from people like me, who just ask a few questions and then disappear into the shadows that is the background color. We're lurking behind these text boxes, I'll have you know. That lower right corner of my post? Where the report, quote, and reply buttons are? I'm there.


We don't bite, even when others say we should. It's a place to trust others here.

If not because we all have our own tulpas to worry about, it's for the simple fact that you made an account. You're family now.

And family means we take care of each other.

and that we all pitch in and help to wash the dishes when Thanksgiving dinner is done, so don't you dare skip out on helping us

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I've heard some stories like what you're hinting at. Some people I respect quite a bit have been through things like that. So I won't think of you as a roleplayer or anything. You seem like an interesting and intelligent person, and I look forward to hearing more from you.


And I could watch your avatar all day.

"Some things have to be believed to be seen." - Ralph Hodgson

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