Dysfunctional Family

[SakuraSky]

If you have an easier time picturing your tulpa in the physical world rather than the wonderland, by all means just use the physical world. Many people have wonderlands because they have trouble visualizing their tulpa around them in the physical world but can visualize a wonderland better. Forcing as though your tulpa is right there in the room with you is perfectly fine.

[ForeverBizaRRe]

And all that time I thought it's better to use wonderland...

Thank you a lot for clearing things up ^^

[ForeverBizaRRe]

 

So I just thought to myself, screw this writing serious and shit thing AND YOU ARE READING THIS I-WRITE-WHEN-I-WANT PROGRESS REPORT!

 

just trying to hide the fact, that we didn't make much progress, with not funny jokes

 

Uh

 

Yeah...

 

So I tried binaural records last week. And the most shocking thing is that they actually helped. For the first time in two weeks, we had some quite effective forcing sessions.

 

Using binaural records:

 

Day 1

I was quite skeptical that it will work, because I tried binaural records some time ago, but all they did was distracting me. When I went to our wonderland, it was blurry and it was changing constantly (I really don't know how to explain it in the other way). Also Lex wasn't in a good mood, so we ended up fighting and hating each other. I got tired of it and came back to physical world. After a few hours I decided to come there again. I said that I'm really sorry for everything and hugged him.

Somehow we ended up creating a new wonderland. When I said that I have to go, he hugged me and kissed me into lips. I asked him what was that and heard him saying silently "That's what friends do. Isn't it?"

 

Day 2

We spent some time simply sitting by each other and talking. Well, more like I was speaking and Lex was listening. I still can't hear him talking most of the time. It's like my mind is blocking all the words he's saying or I start to hear him saying something, but when I realise it, my mind simply blocks his response or I just finish saying it.

 

Day 3

Tried forcing without binaural records. At first I got some random thoughts, but then they vanished. We did lots of crazy thing in wonderland. At first we started to fight by throwing fireballs at each other. It was really cool, but hey it's wonderland. We can do whatever the fuck we want. So it evolved into some crazy avatar type battle. Needless to say, it was fun.

 

That's probably everything. See ya! ^^

[ForeverBizaRRe]

"And did they get you to trade

Your heroes for ghosts?

Hot ashes for trees?

Hot air for a cool breeze?

Cold comfort for change?

And did you exchange

A walk on part in the war

For a lead role in a cage?

 

How I wish, how I wish you were here"

 

I think I found Lex's favourite song last week. We were listening to some music when I felt something wonderful in my stomach. That feel was absolutely joyous. I think it was his first emotional response I got after his revival.

 

Another great thing is that I finally got rid of intrusive thoughts (sadly, not my parrotnoia).

Speaking of parroting, I worry about it less and less. But I wonder for how long?

 

Also being in wonderland is getting more pleasant. It's like pure freedom. I can do whatever I want, be whatever I want and be wherever I want. Or more like be wherever we want. Perhaps the most memorable forcing session was when I decided I could last longer

I usally can't force longer than 20 minutes at once

while listening to some music. Like a whole album by someone I really like. So, my choice for possibly more effective forcing was Black Holes And Revelations by Muse. I'm just a bit mad about Muse.

*starts to fangirl and scream like crazy*

. Forcing was, erm, weird. But it was the first time when I stayed in wonderland for 45 minutes. ACHIEVEMENT UNLOCKED!

 

Uh.

 

We also have more conservations. I mean, some days we speak more, others we don't at all. But all I can say is PING PONG RULES!

Yesterday we had an interesting conversation. OK. More like one interesting sentence from Lex.

I was asking random things and I thought I should ask something about sentience. I asked him something like "For how long can you hear me?". As a response I got "Since you were twelve."

I was shocked. REALLY SHOCKED! I mean, I used him as my daydreaming character. I loved to daydream since my childhood. I created characters, developed their stories. But Lex was the main one. I don't remember when I created him exactly. But I kept developing him, changing his story, appearance, even names

he's always had the same first name, but I loved adding more names, because why not

. And I was actually twelve, when I created him the way he's now. Or that's when I started to develop him more that way. About that time, I also started to think what if he's an actual person living in another universe, and I just create a life for him. Of course, it was just another mind fucking.

But daaaaaamn. Like damn. I never thought that he could've been some form of a tulpa then. A really positive thing is that I don't have to wonder why Lex choses that shitty voice I made back then, over the others I show him.

 

Oh another damn and achievement. I've just written my longest post in this forum

more like in my life

.

 

Done.