Carnie's Tulpa Log

[Carnivorous M.]

Ayyooo! This here's my journal where I talk about my and my tulpas' development.

 

My tulpas are:

 

Carnie - First attempt at making a tulpa, named after my old internet handle, dissipated due to my incompetence; my username in the tulpa community is in her honor. The personality she was developing felt very similar to Persephone's, and I wonder sometimes if Pers is a reincarnation of sorts.

 

Rikki - Started out as a genderbend of a cartoon character I had a lot of feelings about for a long time, was mighty pissed during the year or so she was slightly conscious and I didn't recognize her existence, is now an idealistic, musical sweetheart with a love of science and exploration and a bit of an irritable streak.

 

Persephone - Started out as a humanized genderbend of a cartoon character from the same show as Rikki, made her existence known at about the same time as Rikki (although not as strongly). She seems mostly calm and polite, a little mischievous and sardonic, not as interested in music as Rikki. She does seem to enjoy singing a lot, though. I'm not sure, because she's not vocal enough to tell me yet, but I think she might be made from the remnants of Carnie's personality. They have a very similar feel.

 

I'll put more information about their personalities and preferences and whatnot as we discover them, and when they're vocal enough I'll let them write their own introductory paragraphs.

 

Starting with two at once is going to be a challenge, to say the least, but they're both conscious enough that I really, really don't want to dissipate them. (Especially if I'm right and Persephone is a leftover of Carnie.)

 

Goals:

 

Dual Processing

 

- Extremely important baseline for pretty much everything else, with me and my tuppers at least. I tend to get so absorbed in any forcing task requiring concentration or mental effort that I very easily block out my tulpas. Worse, it occasionally results in me parroting/puppeting them in a way that leaves them worryingly robotic and empty-feeling for a while afterward. If we can develop dual processing strongly, they'll be able to work without my constant attention, and they can reliably tell me if I'm parroting.

 

- So far my main method of practicing dual processing is head pressure. Basically I get the tulpa I'm working with to hold it on me for as long and hard as they possibly can, even while I'm doing other things and only occasionally pausing to bolster them with my attention. As of this writing I haven't tried it with Persephone yet, but Rikki was able to hold it strongly enough to make me feel nauseated for 35-40 minutes. I have high hopes for this, and while basic it also has the bonus of being extremely parrotnoia-resistant.

 

(list still in progress)

[Carnivorous M.]

Alright, so we're approaching the one-week mark of having first started forcing Persephone and Rikki. A whooooole lotta shit has happened and I've been too lazy/busy to write it all up, but dammit I'm going to make an effort. I think instead of making a new post every day, I'll just mainly make each post a summary of one week's progress and edit each day in as I go, with occasional breaks if I run out of room or something.

 

Also, I'm going to put a list of goals, skills needed to practice to meet those goals, experiments to try, and skills mastered/making good progress in into the first post so it'll be easier to keep track of. Here we go!

[Carnivorous M.]

Alright, so more than a month later I return to the forums and my journal to say that I have been a bad 'mancer and have been really off my game even after getting past a short episode of depression, but I've been trying to keep in contact with Rikki and Persephone and now I'm going to try to get back on track. Unfortunately we've lost some progress, but we'll get it back with some work.

 

Also, as it turns out the half-formed prototulpas that have been cooking in my head for years did not become R and P, but are still in my brain driving me shitcats. So I might have four tulpas of varying degrees on board and not just two.

 

Shiiit.