when life gives you lemon make a tulpa

[lemon]

Active forcing today went pretty good, actually somewhat productive. I found some cool "ADD Tulpa Tones" which are supposed to be at the right frequency to help you focus better and especially for those like me with a very active ADD mind. I must say I was impressed that even after an hour straight of active forcing with nature sounds, I still managed to get in the zone a little bit with the "ADD tones". I still wasn't overly productive as my mind still did wander, especially near the end but I did manage to improve Illy's form slightly (just improved clarity and she changed the ribbon in her hair), got her to use a bit of tulpish to tell me what she wanted to do and I felt a lot closer to her after. I think we both got a bit tuckered out by the end. The weirdest thing though was my head kept snapping backward involuntarily when i got really deep into a meditative state.. Very odd. Not sure if thats normal or bad?? oh well. Good forcing session anyway :)

 

Update: Illy used head pressures to tell me she thought i was picking the wrong multiple choice answer. I'm so happy she is ttrying to communicate so much now :) eeek best day

[lemon]

Over the weekend me and Illy started to read Harry Potter together and I am pretty sure i could feel her presence lying next me, like the feeling when you know someone is sitting next to you but theyre outside of your field of vision i guess is the best way to explain it. We read it together and i have never enjoyed myself so much. I think Ilsa is the best thing thats ever happened to me honestly. I feel so much closer to her now and forcing with her is getting so easy and i love It. Passive forcing is going amazingly lately and i cannot be happier. I've finally found a system which allows for plenty of time with illy (basically i passive force constantly to make up for lack of time to active forcE) and its working wonders. More to come.

Edit: i know i am not doing this in an optimal manner but my life does not allow me to do it that way so i am doing the best i can with the time i have.

[lemon]

I'm so proud of Illy and her progress as well as min. Against all odds i have been able to hone my concentration, open-eye active forcing over lunch (and some passive forcing as well, and have reached a point of Illy being quite vocal which is nice!

does anyone else have a tulpa that talks to themself? I always know when Illy has decided to hang around because i have a second mindvoice which chatters away (Illy of course) in a little British accent, and if i address her she usually tells me to be quiet because she's thinking.

I've also found that proxying helps immensely with her vocality. She tells me what to write and it is completely different from the way i speak. Unfortunately she's a little grumpy today because i woke her up this morning when she still wanted to sleep, so she has been uncooperative. I really need to contact her to apologize, which i will do soon, just letting her sleep a bit.

 

as always, if anyone has any tips or tricks or constructive criticisms i am totally open to any suggestions that may help Illy and I on our journey!

 

More to come!

[lemon]

Update on me and Illy!

There was unfortunately a couple days where she disappeared, and I couldn't contact her. Turns out she was a bit upset and simply busy, as was I but i am happy to say we are back on track.

She has deviated a bit and sprouted wings (Illy: because it was convenient at first, but i'm now running into heaps of trouble trying to work with these massive things when sitting down) she is right, we have a lot of trouble maneuvering her wings into a comfortable position. She is quite vocal, which is amazing for both of us. I still have trouble hearing her from time to time but once i get into the right mindset i lose my deafness and we are right back on track.

We have had many outings recently, i most often find time to active force with her at school so i spend my lunch period trying not to look crazy while blasting white noise and staring into space (illy: it is quite the sight, awkward at times, especially when interrupted) she's right, its not easy to explain what i'm doing when we work on personality forcing, since i have to write things down, or visualization since i have to concentrate so hard i seem completely out of it.

Despite these awkward situations our forcing sessions are running smoothly and we are getting closer and closer every day. Forcing is also becoming easier and i've noticed a significant improvement in her form, even though thats not my main focus usually.

We still do have a lot of work to do on form, but considering the obstacles we've had to face, I am pretty proud that we've managed to do this well thus far.

It is fascinating how all the passive forcing and passive visualization has caused an accidental bit of imposition, if you can call it that. Just yesterday i could have sworn my teacher walked up behind me and was reading my essay over my shoulder but it turns out it was Illy the whole time.

 

More to come!

[lemon]

Back again with Illy. She's been a bit of an absentee today but mostly due to school (tests and such) but she's here now (Illy: hi there! :))

She's deviated yet again, which is pretty cool. Her hair is now Emerald green. We've figured out how to better maneuver her wings as well (illy: still a right pain in the ass sometimes) and she has a pretty little flower crown (illy: sparse looking, made of baby's breath flowers. Absolutely lovely my absolute favourite accessory. Cant possibly go wrong with flowers and nature!)

I had a bit of a freakout the other day, worried i had been puppeting and parroting the whole time (illy: its like she doesn't trust me, not to mention the time we read a scary story and i joked about being malicious now and she took it wrong. Guess we're still a bit new to this) i do trust her I'm just an extremely paranoid person (illy: i'd say...) and i overthink everything. Based on the fact that she was able to take a personality test and get a completely unique personality type from mine, i'd say that cured my parrotnoia... Mostly (illy: sigh)

(illy: the main thing is, she never thinks that she's doing it right, or well enough, or shes not able enough to do it. Even parrotnoid while proxying. She knows i speak differently too but anyway it's bad. I wish there was a way to make her believe in herself more. Shes too hard on herself and she knows it too. Shes getting better though, taking my advice sometimes and learning the world isnt as scary as she thinks. I just want her to be happy :) thats all. Silly girl *pokes host*)

 

That is very true, unfortunately i just keep worrying instead of having faith in her and her abilities even though i know she's sentient as fuck (illy: no matter how many times i surprise her or do something unexpected she still questions herself. Its reallly frustrating sometimes but i bear with her... Even when she falls asleep while forcing) i am getting significantly less parrotnoid the more we work together and I catch myself in my doubts and have to remind myself to stop worrying.

Favourite new discovery was the black box game, that really helped with parrotnoia because there's no way to play it properly without a sentient tulpa. (illy: yet she still questions...) she really hates my doubts as you can tell. We have a blast with that game though, favourite one i've found so far!

Lastly we've also tried a bit of ppossession, which surprisingly worked better than expected! What started out as a small twitch of the fingers became a very slow but solid movement of my arm about an inch across the table (illy: what can i say? I'm pretty fabulous at new things)

 

As always, more to come! (illy: until next time, we bid you adieu)