Serious parroting issues

[Guest]

(Cross-posting this from my progress log, I think it'll get more responses here)

I feel like my preconceptions and the way my mind works might be hampering our progress. My greatest fear in this whole process is parroting Illume. I know that many of the guides say not to be worried about it, or even use it as a technique. They say that if you don't know whether or not it's parroting, it's best to assume that it's your tulpa. I... don't think that's true for me.

 

I actually hold conversations with myself pretty often - playing different roles or people in my head. I'm adept at taking on different viewpoints and voices, even multiple at a time. I do this to prepare for arguments, to predict what other people might say to me, to find the best solution to a problem, and a lot of other reasons. I think that this isn't helpful to Illume's development, and it might be actively harmful. I'm being very careful not to "play" Illume in my head. Occasionally I begin to think of what she might say in response to questions or situations, but I always stop myself. I'm afraid that that would keep her from developing a genuine personality and autonomy. She'd just be another character in my mental plays. I don't want that. However, because of this, I'm worried that I might be dismissing genuine responses from Illume out of fear.

 

Is there any way that I can mitigate or overcome this? It feels like this is going to be the most significant barrier in our way, and I need to remove it or hurdle it to make any progress. Any advice would be welcome.

[bunny-boi-lover]

I worried about that initially when I created Edwin. I wanted to try to do it "by the book" with him, even though I've created many tulpae in the past using my own methods. It didn't take long before I realized that trying to compare myself to others and trying to use their methods were actually hampering Eddie's development and causing me to become a little too distant from him.

 

You have what I've come to find I have as well, what the community refers to as a plural mind. It's hard even now sometimes for me to decipher certain things as my own mind or Edwin's. I worry on occasion that I influence what he does by willing him to do or say things. But whenever I worry about that, I accept that I am feeling that way, do nothing to fight against that, but instead remind myself that Edwin has free will. My thoughts and desires encourage him to do things, but in the end he decides to do those things himself. He doesn't always do things that I want him to do, and more and more often he surprises me with what he says and does.

 

Plurality can present both an advantage and a challenge in tulpamancy. My own experience might not be the most helpful response, so I would suggest you research "plurality" and "plural mind" a little further to see if others have offered advice for similar issues that you're going through. I found my own ways to combat it in myself, but you may find something else that will help you better. :3

[Guest Anonymous]

I actually hold conversations with myself pretty often - playing different roles or people in my head.

I do this a lot as well. I sometimes accidentally mimic her voice and that causes a lot of confusion between us.

 

So here's what I did:

1. Instead of imagining Twilight act in a hypothetical situation, I ask her directly i.e.:"How would you act in situation X ?"

2. When talking to her and feeling that her mindvoice is blending in with mine, I try to get as much of an different voice as possible. I jokingly call this the "Emergency Vocalization Protocols", since I start to speak like HAL from Space Odyssey. Jokes aside, this actually helps differentiate between us in times when lines get blurred. Try to make a voice like that yourself, just remember that it must be vastly different from that of your tulpa.

3. Not sure if this applies to you, but Twilight noticed that from all those conversations I held in my head only about 1% were actually useful. Hell, she calls out to me every now and then, saying: "Why are you talking to your nonexistent imaginary friends and not me, your actually existent imaginary friend?" Which brings up another point and that is-

4. Try to debate your tulpa instead. If that doesn't work since you think she has too different of a mindset to be on the opposing side then ask her to find flaws in the arguments you'll be making. (Aka you become the opposing force).

 

That's all I could think of right now.