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good morning, andre! lumi sort of ruined my mood tonight, though i took lumi's advice of a brisk walk because it was night. i know i said walking at night is dangerous, but i was so upset i did it anyway, not caring. i enjoyed it! walking under a grove of trees, i saw fireflies! they were so beautiful, my jaw dropped in awe of them, and i was walking along with rena while it happened, and we both felt such happiness! i continued walking briskly, and felt my sweat on the cool breeze of the night. i loved the feeling. i loved also the atmosphere of street lights in the darkness. and the relative lack of people. instead of tons of cars, stink of exhaust, and tons of people causing overstimulation to point of tears, there were occassional people, usually just very overweight staring at the light of their phones, so i didn't feel threatened by their presence the more i walked though, the more i thought about things, like how we've been told many times to be careful walking at night, and how dangerous it is. it made me think, shouldn't i carry a weapon? so i can be safe in case the unthinkable happens? but then i thought again how, unfortunately i don't look like my pfp, with fair skin, or any other fair skinned system member. our real body has tan skin. and we think of all the stories of how a white man can kill a black man so much out of desire to test a gun on a human, and get away of it through "self defense", yet a black man who legally owns a gun and does no harm with it can get their life ruined for carrying it. i thought about how luni bought a knife, but we never carry it, because we are just too afraid to carry a self defense weapon as a person with not the fairest skin in the land. i also am reminded of how luni ordered a gun, but then cancelled the order, out of fear. the idea of owning a gun as a person with any dark skin blood in family lineage, even if it is half, makes us fearful. but i remember that her plan with that gun wasn't to shoot someone else to protect her life in the event of an attack and being in danger. it was to have the freedom to choose death on her own terms in case it came up in jeopardy from the actions of others or the state. i don't know what self defense actually looks like. maybe it is more simple if you are light skinned. someone is threatening your safety, so you use a weapon you legally own to deter them with unfortunate use of violence to protect yourself. simple. but we can't see how it actually works that way in society. if you have dark skin, and someone threatens you, and you shoot them... how can you expect the police to not see it as a black person senselessly murdering someone, so you are taken to prison for life and made into a slave? isn't that what actually happens in reality? also, we don't want to kill anyone. we'd want to just stop the threat. maybe shoot them in the legs, or something. as harrowing as that is, maybe they'd live and could get medical attention... but we know we've been told you never point a gun at someone and shoot for any reason other than to kill. if you shoot someone and they live, they can sue you, and ruin your life through suing you. a dead person can't defend themself in court, so you have to kill them. that sounds so twisted but combine that logic with majority of society being white people, so most likely to be attacked by a white person i would imagine, yet you are dark skinned. how does a police station, filled with white people, see a dark skinned person with a gun shooting a white person? i literally don't see how you don't go to jail for that, no matter the circumstances. i have never heard of a fair "stand your ground" case for a black person in my life. I have heard of several "stand your ground" cases for white people killing black people, despite tremendous evidence they were not justified in their murder. so i became sad. the lights, the peace, the quiet, the nice smell of the air, the fireflies. something we can't go out and enjoy again, for the danger of our lives because "walking at night is dangerous". but protecting yourself as a not white person in america is even more dangerous than that. The only reason to carry a gun as a black person, is if you are in danger, to end your own life, to avoid a life of slavery. is that correct? I don't know whether to be thankful for seeing my first firefly in my life with rena, or to be sad because of this realization, and wish I had just gone to bed like I planned to soon before Lumi said something about me and knives that left me in a state of cortisol filled confusion that initiated the walk. I have nothing against any race in the world, but I would be dishonest if I said I didn't hate my skin color, just because of how much more limited it makes life feel beyond the already severely limited nature. covered in an ugly skin that denotes many assumptions and reasons to have the state negatively treat you. even TB's dad has ran into issues legally owning a firearm despite being a disabled veteran who chose to risk their life for the country and is so innocent they wouldn't hurt a fly, and sacrifice tremendous amounts of their own wealth and wellbeing for other people. So yeah, the world is not very fair. Born in the wrong universe, in the wrong body. All we have is our imagination, and faith that the afterlife will be in the world our imagination takes place in. that's our happiest thought. what makes it more strange is the fact that the stereotype is black people are poor and drug addicted violent people, and white people are normal good people. the white side of tb's family are all alcoholics, or addicted to meth, and homeless. the black side of tb's family have generational wealth of 7 figures but combine those two sides of a family into a child, and you get a person who is still just reduced to what the stereotype is. so you wish you could have a kigurumi outfit where every inch of the body is covered in an anime outfit that looks like how you feel on the inside, so people aren't distracted by what you aren't one way or another hated typing this... my mood was almost good tonight, but we are too sensitive and easily thrown in disarray. so my flailing rant to try to find solice somehow, but i probably drive people further away... maybe we should leave the site permanently, but then we will have no one. why.....

You guys have such a pretty artstyle, wow! Also it's so fascinating to hear the backstory behind your tattoos, I've never really considered how tulpas would need to design them with visualization in mind but that makes so much sense in hindsight. Really cool how you managed to get in so much symbolism and make beautiful designs even when keeping them simple!

Good afternoon, Andre! 😊 Basically Byakko trying to recover from something. I'm just having a minor issue with myself.

good afternoon! Oh, what's happening?

That was interesting to read but I don't have the capacity right now to say much. (IRL things.) I don't understand what he means either. Good night, Lumi. 😊 Same for the most part.

maybe mitski is right about us being low IQ 😅 still confused on what you said, but i guess you didn't mean for it to be offensive. i was trying to process emotions and come out clear minded and your post felt like a stab in the face, so i started over from scratch thinking of a new way to recover out of despair i thought i was finally getting us out of. i can't think straight now i'm glad you are avoiding AI well. we see tons of human art too because of following known human artists, but we also see tremendous AI art and it sucks. and is supposedly getting worse but at the same time, the AI bubble might be finally popping and hatred for AI is at an all time high, so that's sort of hopeful. though idk if it means an end to AI content. we don't use discord except to talk to friends, so dunno about there. Youtube suggest an AI slop video everywhere though. there were many we watched and didn't realize were AI slop. Also, there are non AI slop videos to watch out for. many layers. but yeah. i forget point i was making. i got disoriented by your comment so my thoughts are scrambled. goodnight though, i don't want to keep you up. i refuse to sleep until i find a the peace my system needs

Oh you added a bunch extra to your post, I was replying to having to be careful not to hurt yourself psychologically Somehow I am avoiding AI stuff across the board just fine, I guess by only watching people I'm subscribed to (and just not using twitter/etc.) Just occasional AI memes on Discord

this really gives the vibe of being at a friends house as a small child at least for tb. idk if it is relatable to other hosts experiences just watching a friend play a game and being screamed at by the parent when you get too loud. classic oh hope that is a good thing. i'm having fun. i'm not cutting people am I? oh, goodnight another classic experience. be vibing, someone comes in and says something you don't understand and makes you feel insecure about your expression and leaves with no explanation. about as fun as being screamed at when having fun as a little kid except less so because it is not as far away lol T_T but i'll live. i'm training to tolerance painful emotions better certainly autistic, since metaphorical language left us confused and uncomfortable. time to ponder how to navigate these uncomfortable feelings caused by ambiguity. i don't want to hurt others, so if us being knives means we hurt others with our posts, then maybe... i guess we need to find specific private friends to express ideas to and we cause damage doing so publicly. but we don't know who to share feelings with privately. i sort of appreciate people sharing art publicly, but i guess that isn't universal

You are Good night

ninja'd edit by 2 minutes. the site is slow invisible mental knives?

Handling invisible mental knives all over the place

starving artist grind so we can afford a 10,000 dollar renaissance instrument so rena and PB can indulge the art they want to 😭🙏 tayomi's theoretical daughter was called luna by tb. eara's theoretical daughter was called aria. didn't realize aria was a word to refer to a kind of song. how fitting thanks T_T idk what i'm doing. i just want my system to not feel so defeated or embarrassed anymore so we can switch back with mitski and let her do what she wanted to without interruption. sort of scary being the only member remotely capable of being switched in right now because everyone else is in too much pain and do not have easily recoverable mental states. i have to be careful and not hurt myself psychologically AI and tech bros have destroyed the world and the internet and it feels really bad to us, but maybe there still can be something a little beautiful about posting human created things in a wasteland filled with AI. even if we aren't that skilled or smart, at least we make things that are human, and it is in short supply. heard youtube is 20% AI now... in a fraction of youtubes existence, 1/5th of the website is AI videos. by next year, it will be over half. disgusts me. and i don't know anyone who is happy about it we are constantly recommended AI generated videos with 100 views. constantly having to say "do not recommend channel" more than we ever have in our life, and there is always more and more AI content. And they add AI buttons to remix shorts. i feel human made content will become like gold, even if by an unskilled and unfocused person, like our system. maybe. it sucks seeing artists we love who upload a new peace of art every few days or weeks, but then AI artists post a dump of like 130 images a day. it's ruined the internet

Happy to listen, especially if it help! 😊 (I'll read the rest later, have something to do.)

hello! i'm in a yapping mode, so sorry if it's a lot. my system had a bad couple of days and i'm trying to process a lot of things and get mental state back on track and talking to friends and saying a bunch of nonsense helps me. nothing is off topic so say whatever you want and excuse my rambling mhmmmm.... our system has posted this song many times but recently we see it in a new context. not just a beautifully played and sung song, but my system has had more perspectives on it lately we listen to a lot of deconstruction from Christianity videos, and a major point is the sort of cursed way the christian religion forces a lot of participants to have to attribute guilt and shame to their own faults for anything bad that happens, and for anything good that happens, you can't take credit for it and it was all just god's doing. all good is god, all bad is your fault type of thing i find that valid and an actual problem in religion and it is traumatizing. but i think there might be other ways to process the idea. in a reductive sense, it does come out as cruel. often though, the devil, basically an evil anti deity is blamed for the failings of humans. still a lot of twisted conclusions that leads to, so it doesn't make more sense or is any better from a very right hemisphere of the brain perspective, that i think this song also sort of communicates, i feel it is humans reconciling the paradox of free will. it feels like you make your own choices and that your choices have consequences, but it doesn't feel like you choose what you want or who you are or what random good and bad things happen to you. "the deities approve" in that song is humans expressing their gratitude that a situation where they could create a miracle of joy in a harsh world, where the skill of making beautiful music that can touch souls is possible. not everyone can pick up and play a pretty song or sing beautifully, and not everyone is in a situation where access to those things even exist. to some extent, they can seek these things out and try to learn, but some people try and learn and fail and give up. while others succeed. some try but something out of their control prevents them. some, everything falls into their lap and it wasn't something they were not ever going to not have it's so peculiar to think about. why can some people get to make music and others not. why do others get the chance to enjoy music, while others do not? humans make their own choices, don't they? but that alone isn't enough to get what they wish, so what else grants that reality other than the deities approving it, and the God of Love and Music granting it to you. And when that happens, why would you not use that miracle to make a music expressing gratitude of it all i wonder what karl thinks of it. he's very thoughtful. i don't know if i expressed my idea well. maybe i'm insane. the thing about typing and talking is i realize the feelings and perceptions i have that make the words pour out of my mouth, doesn't make those feelings or perceptions enter the minds of those reading/hearing it. so maybe this post was a waste of time i guess being and artist is hoping you can develop the skill to transfer those sentiments thoroughly without too much distortion, at least not more distortion than would be normal for someone else's experience (deja vu i think i said that before but idr where)

Bee started this drawing as a quick anatomy study, but it turned into a reference for most of my tattoos. For Bee's sake, I designed them to be relatively easy to draw and visualize. They each also have some personal significance. The chain on my right wrist represents the connection between the four of us. The snake on my left forearm is for Lenore. They're one of her favorite animals. The sea turtles on my upper left arm represent one of my fondest memories. On my first birthday, Bee took me on a walk on the beach. We saw sea turtles coming ashore to nest in the moonlight. It was an incredible experience. Turtles have been symbolically important to our system ever since, and feature in quite a few of our inside jokes. Finally, on my left shoulder is my name! Sort of. See, my name is a word in Sindarin, one of Tolkien's conlangs. He invented multiple modes for writing Sindarin using the Tengwar script. On top of that, the word ‘athelas’ has established translations in English (‘kingsfoil’), and another of his conlangs, Quenya (‘asëa aranion’). Each of those languages has their own writing mode as well. I had a lot of options. To get to the point: the text on my shoulder says ‘asëa aranion,’ my name in Quenya. ((NERD. I just had to add that this is probably the most accurate representation of Tea's body type that I've ever drawn! -Bee))

😭 (⁠っ⁠.⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)⁠っ Same. 🥲 Good night, ring. 😊 Hi! 😊

Hello

that'd be some real adventure ᕙ( •̀ ᗜ •́ )ᕗ we gotta train every day though don't want the rollercoaster to be like this whatever happens, i hope it is fun and means something to someone, even if just tb or us. also, we don't have a nitari tulpa, but rena liked playing the lute, and PB likes singing... it'd be so sweet if we got good enough at those things that they could make a song together. bre inspired the idea to try something like that, though we don't know how to even begin really. but it's on bucket list

Well, this routine fell off a cliff. As has our general follow-through with anything which was already bad anyway and mostly my fault. I decided I want a Varwolf in Neopets, but it turns out it's a special pet you can only get through a certain quest that released last year, so I've been obsessively watching the Spooky Food shop hoping that a) a certain rare food item I need for the quest restocks and b) I can nab it before the resellers do. I kid you not, they're selling it for 5,000x the cost. My poor millionaire self cannot afford it :( Anyway, enough about Neopets. We watched a fascinating video the other day by lucid dreaming expert Daniel Love (whose videos I love), talking about his experiences lucid dreaming: I’ve Lived in Other Dimensions (A Lifetime of Lucid Dreaming) I just made tea, so I'm going to meditate for a bit while it cools down.

You need to move to where there are bigger waves, brogad Surf until you're going band for band with cedar point

it really is we'll surf the ups and downs as long as we're allowed and can stand up

Life is absurd byakko We are like pendulums

spend years training to be strong so i can adventure suddenly become tulpa where i am in a body where i am not strong enough to adventure again, and no physical way to be that strong cosmic joke at least t folse's videos are entertaining oh, i want to share this davis morgan is one of my favorite creepypasta youtubers, and every video he makes, he plays this song in the credits. it has made me and mitski tear up while going to sleep many times. it somehow feels relatable to us, in some way that maybe makes sense to no one. it makes us feel emotions that can only be began to be described using a word lumi hates. poignant "is there life on mars? I've run out of luck here on earth" "brave enough to see the cosmos, too scared to say hello" goodnight, ringgggg

Goodnight

Lol! 😆 These people a silly. Of course! 😊 I believe in you! 😊 Maybe not stare at a screen too long? (IDK what you do in between.) Good night, Bre! 😊 *Head pats.* It really is sad.