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We tend to eat a very large meal(s) early on days we know we're taking Vyvanse, since we're unlikely to eat much the rest of the day -- 6.5 hours after taking vyvanse and still fast/active thoughts. In recent history, this is a first for us. I don't know whether it was the food (a ton of dryish taquitos and a donut? unlikely?), simply not having eaten for 3 hours before taking it (even though I ate a ton? I figured that'd stay around in the stomach that long, but I dunno. Also, feel like we've done that plenty of times), or if the pill itself just had slightly more on accident or something. Except I don't think, with TB and us experiencing the same hour 2-3 peak on different doses, that say 10mg more would suddenly increase its duration 2+ hours (and I think any higher than that we'd have really noticed hour 2-3). And the only other thing is that I went on a long walk at 6-7 AM, and then another shorter one a couple hours ago. I don't think even a short walk in the sun should cause our brain to get this active though. So why has its primary noticeable effect lasted so long today? It's a real mystery, but if this was every day we wouldn't have needed to try 60mg.

strangest vyvanse mystery of all. i feel its the opposite and food radically changes how it manifests while i've noticed no such thing with the others i've tried dang a bunny muk bang or whatever they are called yeah i think that might be a way to put it. and adjusting these other mental muscles can give this sense of changing environments. i might have said a couple times in random insane meditation ramblings that it can kind of feel like walking into different rooms or being in different spaces, but i don't mean that literally with the sites and sounds or such. but just the actual substance that makes up conscious experience or the way information is processed will change or shift in a way i'm not sure how to explain other than it would be a similar feeling of appearing in new places. except it's more like the materials building conscious experience or qualia itself changes into a new substance even if it is building the same "experience" though it can make looking at the back of your eyelids feel like a totally different experience. looking at back of eyelids 2 electric bugaloo 2000 edition it's also when in states like this that i'm so sensitive to sensations i will report saying things like i can feel my brain plasticity increasing or feel my brain learning things or other unknown subtle unconscious content doing something and resolving. like you are in a room next to a machine and you can't see what's in there but you can hear the gears turning or doing something different. it's pretty cool and i feel if i got way way better at it and could be like that more reliably and possibly in daily life for longer periods of time that things would be advancedly better in every way, but yeah it is extremely subtle what you have to do to get to the place where these weird subtle nuanced hard to explain experiences begin happening and you might sit down one day and access it easily and reliably then find some other day you randomly can't any more and it kind of sucks lol. but i think i get faster at finding them again over time which is why i'm more hopeful normally i have what i think is an unusually good meditation where i'm magically successfully focusing right and doing technique properly and it feels really nice and rewarding and then it stops working and i won't get it to work like that again literally for months or years (though instances of years between a novel meditative experience was in era of life where life was being ruined my external stressors living with other people) but i can see why people go to meditation retreats to meditate 16 hours a day for a week/month/year straight. if a internet addicted ghoul like me just investing 1-2ish hours a day give or take for some months to year can start finding weird brain manipulation nuances i can only imagine how deep it must go for people being really hardcore about it. i want to do a meditation retreat pretty bad. the environment of being at a monastery does matter i think. i could and have tried self lead home retreats but even my meditation teacher told me those are very difficult to do. even if you are perfectly disciplined, being aware you have a computer you can turn on in the other room or a phone you probably feel obligated to check at least once a day would probably make extremely vastly subtle stuff difficult to get to. but at least it doesn't seem to get so in the way that literally nothing special is accessible i meant for this to be shorter but such is life. many such cases what 40,000 minutes of meditation looks like, still just make stream of consciousness typos nevermind, understandable. have a nice day finally turned in commission. it only took me 28 days. that sucks so much with how slow i am but that is faster than my like previous 3 or 4 commissions where i've taken multiple months to complete them, so i guess take victories as they are

Typing too much because Vyvanse Vyvanse: Meditation: So, are you basically saying the meditative state is somewhat separate from your direct conscious thoughts such as "oops my thoughts drifted to thinking about XYZ", and more a state you're upholding with different ~mental muscles? Just trying to get a vague idea of what you're saying

Linda: we've been tricked, we've been backstabbed, and we're been quite possibly bamboozled! For real though, that's kinda cool! 😎 Thanksies for the info. 😁

that o is actually from japanese keyboard lol. they use circles to censor things kind of like how we use * for censoring words also thanks it's really like the "don't think, feel" thing. my mind wants things to be so structured and logical and direct and explainable in language but have to really use the master spencer or whoever says that quote to make progress in these things. i think there is room for logical thinking to find way around but for conscious thoughts being like 1% of the brain's functions we really like to try to make it do 99% of the work when you can instead rely on the more subtle but much more powerful other 99% that seems to organize things to just work like magic but is very hard to understand how to control. at least i think i'm making progress on that path to understanding it more and more, my luck usually is when i have a break through it all is for nothing and i am still where i am despite it but this past year has felt different. i don't want to get my hopes up but i feel i'm relatively close to potentially having the improvement curve relative to meditation go up like those exponential curve chart thingies, unless i jinxed it huh weird i didn't know what you ate also depended i tried eating soon after taking it like i have been doing that helps mitigate control of thoughts issue but i was distracted while eating so ate so slowly it was kind of the same as not eating. if i eat before, it sometimes feels like it has too little or no effect i'm not sure. eating immediately after is slightly better but i think the ideal for me is to eat like 30 minutes later. or also like, take half, wait 30 minutes, then eat while taking other half, which is what i tried today and i think what i did the past two days but i took like an hour to eat my oatmeal because i was talking to someone i wish you luck with your increase. hmm

Well, you can't explain it and I don't get it, so - Vyvanse can feel different based on when you eat relative to it and, if you do, seemingly incomprehensible effects based on what the food was/how much you ate etc. - I imagine the only case you can truly experience consistency with is empty stomach and not eating for 60+ minutes after. We just don't worry about it, the difference in really feeling it or not at the 2-3 hour point isn't too big a deal to us. And of course, the time-since-taking-it aspect, but, that should be blatant to you. Meditating in the middle of hour 2 versus hour 6 is not going to be the same experience Anyways, I sure wish we actually felt vyvanse for more than hour 2 through 3. It's disappointing for half of its effects to "wear off" after 4-5 hours, even if some of the other effects stick around the whole day. I do appreciate lack of hunger and such still, but it's really at the point where we're starting to think of that 60-90 minute period as a limited resource.

I'm glad meditation has been working for you. 😊 I think I get what you're saying, you're just braining better. Linda: I tip my metaphorical hat to you. 🎩 My "o"s are beaten. 😁

〇 meditation is something else. for some reason wednesday and yesterday vyvanse didn't make me become possessed with thinking a ton but today is has. i managed to get to a concentrated state temporarily at least though despite it, so that is an improvement. it's not enough to just want to concentrate and not want to think about things. there seems to be substantively some different mechanism that goes into actually letting go of the thinking and concentrating that i don't know how to explain without it sounding like "you can't simply just do it, you have to just do it" i don't have words to describe these other subtle mind actions very easily but it seems related to a lot of the letting go talk related to meditation and buddhism though not in the way i usually think of it when i hear those things. i often have a meditative experience that makes things i've heard many times be reunderstood in a totally new context. there seems to be a difference between "stop thinking so much, start concentrating" and "let go of the thinking and become concentrated" the standard meditation advice of "notice you've become distracted, redirect attention to the meditation object and sustain then repeat" seems like a psyop as the past several months of improvement (well the improvement started about actually a year ago but it's more noticeable the past few months) the several months of improvement i've had recontextualizes how i meditate or what it feels like to do so much it feels kind of like going your whole life writing or drawing by holding a pencil by just gripping it with a fist and then realizing there is a whole different way to hold a pencil that makes writing or drawing much easier but both can be explained with holding pencil with hand to make marks on paper, i don't have words to describe the exact way it is being held and how it is being moved that makes sense to people

Linda: OoO

o

Linda: O

o

Linda: Agreed but fire works make up for it! 😁 🎆 🎇 Edit: not sure if fire works make up for political strife but at least Linda's happy. 😊

not much to be happy about this 4th

Hi, Ice! 😊 Bye, Simmie! 😊 That sounds super metal! 🔥

Cya

Time to get going, I'll see everyone later! 😁👋

giga mint

gm

my cat ears get replaced with spikes and i get a line of spikes like a mohawk

Have a good meditation, TB. 😊 "cut my life into pieces" TB would be very interesting to see, lol.

i hope i can survive some people's last straw turns them into the joker i will turn into emperor "cut my life into pieces" frieza like that short i linked some time ago i'm sure everything will be fine though the world thinks it has to get ready for black frieza but they don't even know what comes next went to youtube because i wanted to find that short again but it isn't in my likes... i forgot to like it. i don't like things often lol, crapppp i don't even know what to type nvm found it wtf is this lol finally time to meditate though

Oh, well, it's good in any context. The surviving was about life overall though

oh, i meant this in the context of problems and solutions to my trc z game, not overall life lol though with life if that's what you thought i meant, uhh. i intend to write a progress report update today or this weekend, but overall i feel pretty good and more well equiped and hopeful to overcome certain challenges, minus the stress and doom feeling of this bill passing. i was really hoping it wasn't and it was a dreaded thing in back of my mind i was hoping it'd just fail, but it passed so now i'm not sure where i am at mentally thank you though that's nice. i'd like to take more walks thank you. I almost feel like doing what i did with the current itteration of my guide, which was take my psychotic ramblings from one sheet, and rewrite them on a new sheet in a more streamlined and organized fashion. i think the current version maybe needs ran through the perhaps-a-normal-human-wrote-this upscale machine again (i'm the machine unfortunately so results are up in the air)

That sounds really nice! 😊 Nightfall disagrees with me, he says any heat is too much, lol.