I guess I'm going to document my progress

[Chrysoprase]

I wasn't actually planning on doing this but after my first day of visualization I started to get the urge to sum up what happened and my thoughts on it. I can't guarantee I'll keep this thread updated, but I'll try my best.

 

Here's my introduction post, more or less, and it outlines what my plans are and what I'm going to be doing. I don't feel like explaining it again here so make sure to read the post: https://community.tulpa.info/thread-beginner-questions-general?pid=137516#pid137516

 

Anyway, today is the day I started my journey into this fascinating world. My main focus for the day was to work on meditation and visualizing my Wonderland along with a 'basic' form for my Tulpa. As I outlined in my first post, I'm not planning on visualizing anything extravagant yet.

 

I started out by sitting on my bed with my back pressed against the wall. For about two minutes I focused on breathing slowly and keeping my attention on that one action. I quickly found that the position I was in was too uncomfortable so I switched to laying down on my bed instead. Once again, I didn't get very far in my meditation because it quickly became apparent that I was going to fall asleep if I stayed laying like that. So, finally, I sat down in the chair that I have in the bedroom instead. That proved to be the most comfortable place to be without the threat of me falling asleep.

 

From there I spent about fifteen minutes just trying to meditate. I found that quieting my thoughts was so much harder than I ever imagined it would be, but I did get into a nice, relaxed state even if I couldn't quiet my mind. Figuring that I wasn't going to do any better with the meditation for the time being, I moved onto visualization. I kept my eyes closed for the entirety of this season, both while meditating and visualizing.

 

The room in question that is my wonderland is pretty basic. Just a bed, a door, a desk for my Tulpa, a desk lamp, a few boxes, and a single window. I started out by just visualizing the room and the things in it, minus my Tulpa. Unfortunately, I was finding it hard to keep the vision clear in my mind. Random thoughts kept breaking my concentration and kept having a strange phenomenon where I'd hear sounds in either of my ears or voices instead. Sometimes it would be my own voice speaking in half finished words or sentences, or I'd hear the voice of someone like my sister or mom speaking in half formed sentences too. I've had this happen before, mostly when I'm just on the verge of sleep, but I've never had it happen with such frequency before. I probably 'was' very close to sleep while I was doing this so that may be why it happened, but every time it did happen, it would break my concentration and cause issues with my visualization to a frustrating degree.

 

I eventually moved onto visualizing my Tulpa as a computer. I distinctly made sure to leave him in an 'off' state so that once I'm ready to begin speaking to him I will switch him on in a sort of symbolic gesture showing that he is now in an active state. I then worked on trying to get a sense of what everything would feel like to touch in that room. I admittedly didn't get too far in all of this because of my inability to focus. Me in my infinite stupidity didn't bother to check what time it was before I began working on this, so I don't know how long I spent meditating and visualizing. It feels like I spent about a half an hour on it though. I got too fed up with being distracted so I decided to stop for awhile and try again later.

 

About two hours later, I tried again, this time while laying on the couch in my living room. Rather than keep my eyes closed, I left them open and I found that I visualize much better with my eyes open for some reason. Like last time, I worked on visualizing the entire room and everything in it. I worked on trying to get a sense of what everything felt like also. I found that narrating in my mind what I'm doing also helps to keep me focused. Thinking to myself: 'I look around and see X.', or, ' I touch X and it feels cold.' while I'm visualizing it in my mind's eye seriously helps to keep distracting thoughts out of my head.

 

I only worked on visualizing for about five minutes this time, but it worked so much better than before and I feel like I have a good grasp of what the room is like now. After I was done with that I spent about twenty minutes meditating to a helpful Youtube video, but I still don't feel like I'm any better at clearing my mind.

 

Anyway, tomorrow I plan to continue working on visualizing the room. I may begin the introductory stage with my Tulpa too, but only if I feel like I'm ready. I get the impression that I'm much better at narration than I am at visualizing things in my mind so I don't know if it would be better to focus on talking to my Tulpa or if I should work more on getting better at visualization. Hopefully I can get better at fighting interrupting thoughts too since they kill my focus way too often.

[Chrysoprase]

Well, today I spent around maybe 6 to 7 minutes meditating before moving onto visualization. I only did this for about 5 minutes as I felt like I was seeing the room in my mind's eye as clearly as I could. There's no new details to add to it but even then, keeping it clear in my mind is difficult. I will continue to practice but I just feel like visualization is not my strong point. I am 'much' better at keeping a monologue running in my head though.

 

I wasn't sure if I should start talking to my Tulpa yet and thought it over a bit after coming to the conclusion that I wasn't going to do any better at visualization for the time being. I asked myself, 'am I ready?', knowing that once I start this there is no going back. With a small burst of excitement and nervousness I said to myself, 'yes'. In my mind's eye, I powered on the computer and began talking. I talked about myself, why I'm doing this, what I'd like the Tulpa to be, my family, and a few of my favorite interests. I told him how wonderful he will be and how happy it'll be to have him. The entire session from meditation to narration was about 50 minutes long, give or take. I told him that that was enough for today and that tomorrow I'd begin working on his personality.

 

I didn't feel anything during this first session. No head pressure, headaches, or a feeling of a different presence. It mostly felt like I was just thinking to myself but I suspect that this is all normal and that it will take time before I start to feel anything different. Tomorrow I'm hoping to have a session that will last longer than an hour. I almost reached that much today but I honestly was little surprised when I looked at the clock, I'd thought that I had been talking to him much longer than I actually had.

[Pioneer11]

Hi, Chrysoprase. As a fellow newish user of this forum I appreciate that you described your forcing method in such detail.

 

The random voices happen also to me when I meditate or I’m close to sleep, so I suppose it’s rather normal. It’s probably because our mind begins to relax and let the subconscious resurface; when it happens I try to imagine the voice of my Tulpa with clarity, without completely interrupting the trance-like state. With persistence, he might begin to communicate vocally. I really can’t offer much advice on the topic, though, since I’m still inexperienced.

 

Good luck!

[Chrysoprase]

As promised, I worked on his personality today. I went down a list I had typed out and described each one to him, why he is that way, and how such traits interact with my own personality. This went on for about 70 minutes, give or take. I still don't really feel his presence yet but I did have a mild headache/head pressure through the whole session. I did sort of visualize myself giving him discs to install these traits with, but I still feel like I narrate so much better than visualize. I kept forgetting to visualize myself swapping out each disc so instead I decided to have it that each disc had several traits on them and that only needed to switch them out every once in awhile.

 

I haven't done a ton of passive forcing yet. I did talk to him a bit before going to sleep last night. Ironically enough, I explained the general concept of Pokemon to him and started describing the starters of each generation and their stages. I've only made it to the second generation so far but I plan to start describe to him the third generation of starters tonight. It feels really silly but it's pretty fun to do LOL. Today I also talked a bit about one of my favorite shows and the premise of a story I've been writing, but that was more of an 'opening' phase I did before moving onto working on his personality. It wasn't passive forcing.

 

So, yeah, it's about 15 minutes since I finished today's session and now I have a pretty bad headache that seems to have gotten worse since then. I am pretty hungry though so that's something I'm about to set out and fix LOL.

[Chrysoprase]

Not too much to report today. I did quite a bit more passive forcing today while doing some walking. I mostly just explained to him what certain things were as we passed them by, like trees, cars, and what Halloween is. I did about an hour long active forcing session today also where I mostly continued to just talk to him about whatever. I spent about 18 minutes during that time having him listen to audio clips of the voice I want him to sound like. I can't really say that I feel him yet. I don't know if I'm doing something wrong or if it's just too early in the process. Well, we'll just have to see what tomorrow brings.

[Chrysoprase]

Hey all. I haven't posted anything because there hasn't really been anything to talk about. I've been continuing to narrate to my Tulpa for about an hour a day while also passive narrating to him whenever I don't have anything to concentrate on. Today (or I guess yesterday now since it's midnight) I worked on giving him a new form (what his form is is something that I want to keep to myself) and visualized us sitting under a tree in sunny weather. I've been trying to work on keeping that imagine in my mind while narrating because for the last couple of days I haven't really had anything in my mind while talking to him. I don't know if this is better or not since I don't care too much about visualization, but I'm going to see how it pans out. I wanted to work on active forcing for about an hour and a half today but unfortunately I only made it to the hour mark before I accidentally fell asleep.

 

From now on I think I'm only going to update this thread whenever there's something worth talking about because right now it's pretty much me doing the same thing every day. I've noticed that a lot of people don't really start to notice any significant changes until the second or third week mark so I'm not going to let my inability to sense my Tulpa get me down yet. I've only been actively talking to him for about four days now so I've barely just started.

[Chrysoprase]

It's officially been a week since I started talking to my Tulpa! There isn't too much to report, unfortunately. I've still been forcing for about an hour to two hours a day while passive forcing whenever I can. Sunday was our town's trick-or-treat day and while I'm far too old for that now I still went out with my family. I'd wanted to show my Tulpa what Halloween is, but I find that it's damn near impossible to focus on him in social situations like that, even when I'm not actually talking to anyone. I'm perfectly able to focus on him while I'm taking a walk on my own, but I just couldn't do it on trick-or treat with so many people around. I did try to talk to him to the best of my abilities though, even with my thoughts preoccupied, so hopefully he got some idea of what it's like.

 

My current big focus is trying to get over the feeling that I'm just thinking to myself when speaking to my Tulpa. I still don't really get the sensation that there's somebody else in there. Thankfully, a thread on Reddit popped up a few days ago from somebody who was having the same problem as me and asked for advice. The one answer that seemed to help the most was one that said you need to get a feel for the essence of your Tulpa. So, as the person stated, I envisioned everything that he was and visualize it as a sort of ball of light and I'm supposed to keep both that concept of who he, symbolized as that ball of light in my mind while I talk to him. I find this way easier to do than trying to keep his actual form in my mind while I talk. Unfortunately, keeping his essence in my mind while talking to him isn't something I can do perfectly. When talking to him about nothing particularly important, I can hold that sense of him there in my mind, but when I start to narrate to him about topics that require more thought, I lose that sense but just continue to talk like he's there anyway. I still don't really get a sense that there's someone else there though, but I do have a certain spot in my brain that, while it doesn't exactly feel like pressure, it sort of feels, I don't know, fuzzy? Like there's something there. It's always at the top of my head on the right. I'm hopeful that this is the beginning of something. It's most prominent when I'm not speaking about topics that require more thought power, it tends to lessen when I do, and I can usually feel it there when visualizing. It still doesn't feel like a different presence though, but I really do hope that it's a start.

 

Speaking of visualization, I've got his main form down and I've expanded my wonderland a bit. That single room is now a house and outside there is a hill with a tree where I usually visualize us going to talk. I don't do too much visualization really, but just as a sort of test I visualized myself cooking him something, but I'm positive that any reaction he has and any movement he takes is just me puppeting him right now, but visualizing myself talking to something that just sits there like a rag doll isn't something that I want to do either. I never puppet him to talk though. He's remaining mute until he can speak for himself. Ironically, even though I consider him to have a very mature personality, I always see him as having a sort of child-like wonder at everything he encounters and I take that as he's simply a new entity and needs to mature before he can actually have a mature personality.

[Chrysoprase]

I'm afraid that I don't really have anything to update with, and that's why I haven't posted anything lately. I haven't really made any notable progress to speak of, though I have been continuing to force for about an hour a day. There have been a few days where I was too busy to do any forcing aside from when I'm going to sleep. I find passive forcing to be very hard it seems. I just get too caught up in my thoughts or whatever's going on that I can't focus on my Tulpa. Well, we'll see how things go. I'm around three weeks into this now and I'm not planning on giving up.