Nothing and his new tulpa

[ReallyNothing]

Hello all. My name is [REDACTED] and I'm planning on making a tulpa. Well, another tulpa. I know that many of you won't like me for this, but I let my tulpa fade a while back. I just couldn't keep going and my tulpa, let's call her M, just allowed herself to fade. No argument, no pleas, nothing. She just left one day. I felt terrible. I went through about a month of completely hating myself for what I did to her. How could I let this happen? How could I have let the one person that was supposed to be with me for life slip through the cracks? How could I have killed her? These were the thoughts that plagued me as I cried, knowing that I'd never be able to face her again after what I did to her. Knowing that she would hate me for it. These thoughts and feelings frustrated me so much that I destroyed one of my wonderlands. I actually had trouble remembering that it existed. I hated myself for everything that I'd done. But that was months ago. Life returned to normal after a while. I slowly but surely got used to the silence in my head. My wonderlands slowly but surely fell apart until, one day, they started disappearing. I used to have 4. I now have 1 that's on the brink of dissipation. I'm back to normal.

 

Now, I'm sure that many of you hate me. Please make your hate felt. I absolutely deserve any hate that I receive, and more. I'm not sure if you could hate me enough for what I did to M. Some of the more optimistic members might say that I could bring M back, that tulpas never truly die so long as you can remember them. But I can't bring her back. I can't face her again. Not after what I did. So I've decided to create a new tulpa for several reasons, despite a feeling in the back of my mind that I don't deserve another chance. Maybe that's true. Maybe it's not. I don't know. But what I do know is that I'm going to need someone to support me in the years to come and tulpas are nothing if not supportive and loving. M changed my life so fast that I sometimes find it hard to believe that I was ever as depressed as I was before she came into my life. Anyway, back to my reasons. My primary reason, besides hoping for a shot at redemption by bringing a life into the world to replace the one that I removed, is because my girlfriend is leaving for college and we've decided to stay together. Some might say that this is an issue that I should use my girlfriend to get through, not a tulpa. But I have thought this through for DAYS. I fully intend to talk about problems with my girlfriend, especially problems involving her absence. But she can't help me 24/7 and she can't read my mind. These are both things that tulpas

tulpae? I don't know. I'll probably use them interchangeably to anger people.

can do for me.

 

Again, just in case I haven't said it enough, feel free to hate me. I deserve it. Maybe I'm an idiot for diving back into tulpamancy. But I truly believe that I can succeed with my new tulpa where I failed before. I'm simply here to read any feedback that people would like to give me regarding my progress with this new tulpa.

[Guest Anonymous]

I don't hate you and you are not an idiot for returning to tulpamancy. Jeez, people need to lighten up the rhetoric concerning the whole tulpa death thing really. That is my, as usual, controversial opinion. You don't need to come back to me at least with your hat in hands trying to apologize. Good luck on your next attempt to create a tulpa and welcome back. :-)

[NoneFromHell]

I think you easily hate yourself already enough. There would be no reasoning in making you feel more guilty than you already do. While most of us surely disagree with killing a tulpa, you really shouldn't expect a hate train from us.

 

I'm unsure about your reasons for creating a new tulpa, but my hope is that you take it seriously and won't end up in the same situation again.

 

P.S. I think most people don't really care anymore if you say tulpas or tulpae.

 

Best regards and good luck.