From 0 to tulpa

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This PR is given a tulpa-neutral title despite convention because I haven't yet ironed out a personality. That process will be addressed later in this post, but I prefer to get meta items out of the way early.

 

Started attempting to force maybe a few weeks ago, not sure.

When I started, however, I came across the problems:

• I couldn't concentrate
  
• My head hurt frequently (which has been a consistent problem for the better part of the last six months)
  

I concluded that the solution to both of those problems was to go cold-turkey on listening to music.

To give you some background on my music-listening, before this I listened to it constantly; even while watching videos or talking to people. I did this largely because for a very long time I've had difficulties with lethargy, which music to some degree helped with, but as I listened increasingly, an increasing portion of the time had me unable to find any music I wanted to listen to (couldn't find the "right" song), and I would experience dissonance sufficient to cause headpain.

 

So far it's been about 4 days since I stopped, and I still have music constantly stuck in my head, and the desires to return to it has firmly addictive traits.

 

I also attempted Pranayama on the advice of this guide, which worked until a few minutes in, at which point I began to feel increasingly uncomfortable with the relaxed positions of my shoulders, and every time I relaxed enough to hear my heartbeat, I started to get bothered by the sensation of my breathing. Will experiment some and try to find a position conducive to longer bouts of relaxation than a minute or two.

 

Additionally, I intend to employ Fede's (RIP) Eye-bo, though I couldn't at the time because the only computer at my house is a chromebook and he packaged them all in 7Z

 

As personality is concerned, my thoughts would best be organized as a set of traits with opinions after them:

• Intelligent Definitely aiming for this; it seems intuitive to me that an unintelligent tulpa would largely bring either frustration, annoyance, or boredom, with few if any interesting new ideas to think about.
  
• Willing to peer-pressure Very specific, but very desirable; I've had what I think was a tulpa in the past (generally whenever I'm at my lowest) who butts in and helps me to get my shit together. I'm not sure he's a tulpa though; he has some very uncommon characteristics inb4 Melian 2: Electric Boogaloo
  
• Jovial I'd feel guilty for being a downer if ever I wasn't similarly happy, which would just make bad times even worse
  
• Dour On the reverse of that coin, I feel that a more severe tulpa would act as a mood suppressant, and would thus shit all over my quality of life if I found a happy one, which I haven't given up on, but would be more likely to offer peer-pressure in times during which it would be helpful.
  
• Fearless (though prudent) more partial to this than I had originally figured I would be. Would definitely want my tulpa to be free of fear.
  
• Gender I've swayed back and forth on this some, but I'm leaning toward male. (which puts me in a surprisingly small minority) Oddly, genderless isn't that appealing to me, even though I definitely would have assumed so before I thought about all of this. Some thoughts on the two genders I'm considering:
  
  • Male
    
    • If he has a libido, is he just going to be stuck jacking off? With that in mind, would sex with another tulpa be preferable to sex with a servitor?
      
    • Switching would be a fair amount more congruent, which I would kneejerk to believe is preferable, as the curiosity about having another gender's form is probably much easier for a thoughtform to sate
      

    [*] Female

    • Would an IRL relationship be offensive? Normally I wouldn't fear this kind of thing this much, but it seems like a Tulpa has the capacity to pull at subconscious strings in a very dangerous manner
      
    • I don't interact with people of this gender very often. Would I be able to replicate it with sufficient accuracy that I wouldn't burn all of my focus on trying to figure out what a girl would be like? Finding videos of unremarkable people in unremarkable environments doing unremarkable things is remarkably difficult, which makes getting an accurate picture of the feminine very difficult to do.
      
    • At a subconscious level, I'm fairly sexist. Not sure whether that's a pro or a con here.
      
    • Wonderland/imposed sex would at least sate some curiosity
      

 

After writing all of this out though, it still seems like I'd need much more detailed traits...

 

Any commentary is appreciated

[SparrowNR]

• Gender I've swayed back and forth on this some, but I'm leaning toward male. (which puts me in a surprisingly small minority) Oddly, genderless isn't that appealing to me, even though I definitely would have assumed so before I thought about all of this. Some thoughts on the two genders I'm considering...
   
  

 

Joss:

 

The rest is whatever you make of it, but this jumped out at us. I'm going to give you the same advice our system gives to young authors worried about writing characters of the opposite genders: Don't worry so much.

 

Instead of worrying about creating a female tulpa, focus on creating a tulpa who happens to be female. Focus on the headstuff first... deep down, both genders work pretty much the same, though we're socialized differently growing up (Men are expected to be Superman, and women are expected to be princesses, and both are perfectly capable of bucking the stereotypes). A tulpa is pretty much pure personality, and while gender can factor into that, it's really only a small part of what makes our identity. If you're more comfortable with a guy, that's fine. But if you want to make a girl, don't worry about making her "right" so much as just making her herself.

 

Just, you know. Be freaking respectful. Don't think of your tulpa as inferior or something just because she's female or any BS like that.

 

In either case, don't assume your tulpa will have a sex drive either way. We headpeople don't have to worry about all those freakish hormones that you do, so we might find fulfillment in emotional connection, romantic or otherwise. Others do have a sex drive, though. It all depends what you put into it.

 

For now, assume genderless. Something might come to you later, or the tulpa might relate to one once they become vocal, or maybe your tulpa will be genderless down the road. When it happens, it happens. Until then, don't overthink it.

 

Also, for the record? I'm a male headperson. It's not as rare as it seems.