Our struggle

[Dep]

Well this where I begin, quite ceremonious in a way isn't it? Anyways the tulpa I will be creating name is Sara, it occurred to me even before I came up with a name that she would be female. I don't much what else to say but feel free to ask or give advice.

[Dep]

Today I did some meditating which lead into an out loud conversation we had. I rambled on about myself, asked questions, and assured her that I was going to do this, I tried to be as confident as I could. Total time I spent actively forcing was about 30-40 minutes. I tried the wonderland and visualizing her which was somewhat detailed in my mind's eye but definently not vivid. Pretty much my goal is an hour a day minimum, making my wonderland easy to access and vivid as well as my visualization of her which is still fluid at the moment. Passively I speak to her and ask her questions and hopefully I make a habit out of it.

 

Edit: At night I decided to play her some music before I went to bed, I went for music that had lots of emotion behind and she ended up really liking Classical music which was strange for the personality but I didn't mind. I swear while I was zoned out listening to classical music with her, a heard her in my mind whisper my name. Quite surreal.

[Dep]

So far I have been having a hard time with visualizations, like the dreamscape/wonderland including visualizing her. It's somewhat detailed but I didn't really feel myself in it and the details are usually not that consistent. Also when I started visualizing her, she's an orb or sometimes her body 'prototype' is what I call it but lately I decided to something to help with symbolism to keep things less abstract/difficult and I imagined her as a cube which is like her cocoon and once she is ready she will form herself with my help. I try to put personality into her by symbolically dropping orbs with traits written on them and some thoughts about those traits. Though it seems I'm already feeling like most beginners in asking "Am I doing this right?" though I'm not doubting her as much I am myself thankfully and I encourage her as much I can regardless how bad I think I'm doing. I will be doing some active forcing again today and I hope to make progress with visualizations and visual consistency or entering my wonderland which I struggle with.

 

Edit: I think I'm doing slight better in visualizations not much I tried so methods but no major success and I only got in about ten minutes of forcing and became a bit frustrated. I was also busy with stuff so my passive lacked extremely. I am going to try some more while I lie down in bed tonight here is to hoping for the best.

[Vos]

I don't think that there's one right way to do this, so try not to worry that much about it. You seem to be doing fine so far, and there's not too much to add here, but I would recommend looking at some of the visualization exercises on this page to see if they can help you any.

[Dep]

I don't think that there's one right way to do this, so try not to worry that much about it. You seem to be doing fine so far, and there's not too much to add here, but I would recommend looking at some of the visualization exercises on this page to see if they can help you any.

 

I read a few guides and tried some methods which showed a little improvement but not much success.

[Dep]

Okay today I think I did a better job visualizing. I made a room from scratch, started with a fuzzy black carpet with a white square in the middle, I put in some furnishings all with some sort of purpose behind them specifically the computer (symbolic access to my memories) and a drawer with four compartments which acts as a place to store specific reminders or memories. Then we have the light blue walls, white ceiling, and for now a bunk bed (bottom bed being pink and the top blue I don't know why though). I'll sketch it out eventually but that is a rough overview. I did do some active forcing in that process and lots of passive today, she has changed form a yellow-orange cube (which evolved from the original purplish black cube) to still the same color but now a feminine form, no features but just a body. She has begun to speak but nothing alien so its mostly me figuring her out by parroting a bit. Overall atleast I felt like progress was made. Only thing is how will I know something is actually different I mean it could just be one of those things that you just have to experience to know but I hope to soon (excluding that one time whisper). Other that she used the computer to look at stuff like she is now, and when in my mind's eye she handed something from the drawer (it relates to me trying to remind myself to write her a letter :P) though that didn't surprise me so again possibly influenced but is parroting.

[Dep]

Quick update: Been a little busy more than usual so I have been distracted, very little active and pass as of late but I will try to make up for it another day.