Overactive imagination? Need some advice

[MisterTelecaster]

tl;dr at the bottom

 

To state my problem as simply as possible, I've made a fair amount of progress in creating a tulpa, but I've hit a bit of a snag. Not even a snag really, just a worry. I've been following

 

Now, I'm a both an avid programmer, and a musician, and a full time student, so my thoughts are all over the place, and all my life I've gotten used to just letting them run around with no control. During narration and reinforcing of everything else that I had done prior, I've recieved more and more intelligent thoughts and emotions and movements and the like from my soon-to-be-tulpa, but I'm not getting the feeling anymore that this isn't from me. I don't feel necessarily like it is being forced by me, but I also don't feel like it isn't, and I can't control it.

 

My question is this: Is this a normal part of the process? Am I just getting used to the tulpa, or am I forcing the tulpa to do these things and turning it into a non-sentient whatever-its-called? Can I not control it because it is now free-willed, or just because my mind won't let me? I've had this happen before, where I can't control my thought processes, but it's always been with little trivial thoughts or ideas, never with something that I've put a lot of focus into, usually just in daydreams and such.

 

tl;dr overactive mind, can't tell if the tulpa is doing shit on it's own or if I'm forcing it to do things, want above question answered

 

Sorry if this is vague or badly worded, it's late, I'm tired, and I'm stressed out and worried that I'm screwing up my tulpa. If the question is unanswerable, just tell me so, if it's been answered before, give me a link, if you want more details or some clarification on certain things before offering advice, ask, and you shall recieve. I'll try to respond to replies within the next hour, but I can garuntee I'll be on tomorrow morning, and checking constantly for any answers. I'm worried and I just want some help so I don't fuck this up.

 

Thanks in advance

[Raetin]

How far are you in the creation process? That part where you say it stops responding sounds like this period where the tulpa do their own thing. So far, most people say they're tulpa presence were gone, maybe for a day or two, and would come back.

[justanotherguest]

Don't stop doing what you was doing before. And I can hardly imagine how you will turn already sentient being in non-sentient. Read Centering guide in guides section, I think it may help you with your thoughts all over the place. And on your stage of progress little parroting won't do any harm, if you do it just to smooth conversation and you are not forcing (like really forcing against tulpa's will) your tulpa to do or say something weird and out of character. You will have to imagine your tulpa's voice anyway.

[MisterTelecaster]

In a nutshell

 

Got personality, then the visual form of the body, moved it around a little bit just to get the looks of certain muscles and such right, got body language and facial expression and general movement and physical identifying features, then did touch and smell, almost finished with that, start to do a little bit of narration, get response, finish touch and smell with no more responses, start to seriously work on narration, get nothing for a little bit, then suddenly get a whole shitload of responses

 

Stuff like comments on what I'm telling her, her moving "on her own" while I'm visualizing, etc.

 

My problem is that I'm not sure if it's the tulpa gaining sentience or if it's just my stupid brain making her do these things because I want her to do them so bad

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Also, it's not a matter of sentience to non sentience, it's a matter of is it non-sentience to sentience, or is it non-sentience with no change and I'm just tricking myself?

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Because most of what I've read says that it'll start with a pretty generic voice and then it'll slowly develop into it's own unique voice (Also that I can help with that development to get a specific sound, but that's beside the point)

 

But it just went straight from generic and monotone to almost exactly what I had wanted, immediately. No transition. No slow development. The fact that all tbis seems to be happening so fast is what's throwing up all the red flags

 

Shit I've been typing a lot

[Raetin]

It sounds like your pretty far in there, I'd say she's sentient. The best thing to do is to believe their sentient, it will take longer when you tell yourself they will be sentient later. Also most tulpa I've read say that the thing they hate most is doubt, so you got to have faith. Also how many days or hours have you been working on your tulpa?

[MisterTelecaster]

Depending on how you look at it, either two weeks or four years. This is the abnormality I mentioned. Pretty nerdy story. Long story short, I created a character to act as a sort of NPC guide co trolled by me in an online roleplaying game to advance a plot arc that I had written as sort of a test by the admins to see how well I could do (I was being considered for an admin position. I actually ended up on the dev team for a while doing art and some code, but then the game died)

 

Continuing in my attempts to summarize this and not post a fucking gigantic boring wall of text, the more I played as the character the more she started to almost develop a personality to the point where it turned from DM ste acting to almost just calling up he personality when I was playing.

Then I pretty much heard her speak in my head. I flipped the fuck out, thought I was going schizo, and repressed all thought and memories of her for the next two years.

 

Four weeks ago, I was scrolling down /b/ an saw a tulpa thread. It's been pretty summer there, so it was nice to see something different from the usual stupidity, even though I had no fucking clue what a tulpa was. So I read most of the thread, and realized that I wasn't going insane all those years ago, I had started to unintentionally create a tulpa. So I spent the next two weeks debating wether or not to un-repress all those old memories and try to make a full tulpa out of it. Two weeks ago, I said "screw it, I'll do it" and got to work.

 

Since then, I've put maybe 55 hours in, give or take.

 

Haven't been getting much sleep though, but whatever

[justanotherguest]

Are you saying that you prefer slower progress? Because there is no limitations to how long each stage takes, what stage goes first or how you should force, or how whole progress goes. Your tulpa is a sentient being even if she can't answer. No discuss. Stop thinking about every little thing, it wont help you at all. Accepting as is and moving on with tulpaforcing on the other hand will help you and your tulpa. Suddenly getting big improvement isn't that rare, just stick to what you were doing and enjoy your tulpa. Hearing GPS voice isnt mandatory, really.

Oh, didn't see your new post. I know of another case when rpg character turned into tulpa. With such background why you even think of possibility you tulpa isn't sentient or that you are parroting?

[MisterTelecaster]

And for the record, I'm still doubting myself quite a lot, but much less than before. I really want to get this perfect, and I'd rather get a few more opinions before I keep going/finish/whatever, but what you two have said so far has been a big confidence boost for me. If you guys are at all representative of the community here, I think I'll enjoy these forums quite a lot

 

Thanks

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I don't necessarily prefer slower progress, but with something like this, I prefer perfection

 

Especially with something like this, I don't want to make even the tiniest mistake, and if it takes me tons of time to ensure that everything is as it should be, I can live with that.

[MisterTelecaster]

I think maybe she was just shy, as when I left her this morning to check the time, I felt this strong mental pull to go back to wherever I was (I hesitate to call it a wonderland, since it's a bit different), and when I went back, she became incredibly responsive, and I could feel that it was genuinely her doing these things, not me making her do it unintentionally.

 

It's a great feeling

[justanotherguest]

I am glad your faith is back. Things never will progress in a straight line, sometimes you will circle around, but with enough dedication you will overcome hard times.