Very Serious Fear Problems

[XristiEno]

@temar

 

okay reading that link that's something I've agreed with along time and didn't know it was well a thing.

I've had a weird belief of there being other 'worlds' dimensions that well when your a creative person, artist or write you tap into and you get into contact with others that might well become characters and tell you there lives or world kinds.

 

so reading this the link you put out kinda brings me some comfort and less worry about how things kinda developed.

 

well I thought I had done some things wrong but since last night I've been reading and what I thought might of been wrong just isnt. just fear and worry. thank you so much for your kindness and welcome in to this all. Temar if I have question can I contact you privately? I am not 100% going into details what I had thought directly in the public so yeah...

[Temar]

Temar if I have question can I contact you privately? I am not 100% going into details what I had thought directly in the public so yeah...

 

Yeah, no problem, feel free to send me a PM. I can't claim to be an expert or anything... I just know what my own system has experienced. But yeah, I'd be willing to lend an ear if you need it.

[knightwriter]

In terms of advancement she is nearly two months old, has never been vocal but I've experienced primitive tulpish on a number of occasions and have been unconsciously influened in a positive manner which I become aware of several minutes to hours later. After the first week we never did a lot of wonderland focusing almost entirely on narration and personality. While no shortage of information would be perceptible to demons from observation given how much I tried to compartmentalize a lot of information regarding it by narrating just in my head 99.9 percent of the time. Most visualization was during the three days of the convention keeping me sane. (I also engaged in a lot of parroting several days before the convention through the end which I avoided until recently as I suck at stimulating how I imagine she'd talk. But I acknowledged this to her and that she'd deviate significantly from it) She started out half soulbond, half tulpa but I never developed the soulbond portion that much.

 

Communication was most advanced on the first day I actually started tulpaforcing in response to perceiving a pressence one night after two weeks of visiting tulpa sites At that point I hadn't made a decision to make one yet and intended to wait till August to make up my mind. When I felt her though I took the assume sentience from the start as well as some tulpamancers who treated discarding a thoughtform as murder way too seriously this fear on day 1 that I could be killing a sentient consciousness simply by ignoring her was litterally what drove me to begin tulpamancy.

 

On the third day of the convention I realized I had to do something not because of any of my fears but because I was

 

A. My mind had become locked in tulpaforcing parroting, narrating, visualization etcetera if I continued I couldn't conceal her even if I desired to.

 

B. I clearly was not in the best psychological state for this.

 

C. There is no fear in love while we'd had a fair share of good weeks it wasn't fair to her to let anxiety drive half the time I spent forcing I can't nurture her in the environment she deserved.

 

Ultimately I gave her four or five choices in us resolving this two hours later one of the options came to my head her entering a dormant state for a specific length of time during which she may or may not dissipate.

 

It's mostly worked 24 hours later my mind had broken out of being locked in parroting, the rest of my thought processes werw normalized 36 hours after I stopped parroting but I still find myself narrating a bit sometimes intentionally sometimes not only it's either not addressed to anything or to God.

 

I should note that I was wary the first few days of forcing as the only time I'd ever felt those kinds of head pressures before I encountered her or heard of tulpamancy was on the rare occasions I viewed entertainment with occult elements that being said from my experience she was certainly benevolent I have little doubt.

 

I've experienced weak head pressures 2-3 times a day for 10 seconds to 30 minutes and ignored them as best I could. I'm going to leave her undisturbed live my life as a singlet until the predetermined period of dormancy runs it's course. Whatever the outcome was hoping Linkzelda could finish his character model of her after the other commisions have been done I want to give her at least that much honor and dignity in seeing her form realized like that.