My Best Friend, Asriel Dreemurr

[AsrielCat]

October 12, 2015 was my first day with Asriel.

 

He first appeared after school, as I was walking down the sidewalk. I was waiting for my dad to come pick me up, and he was running late. I was pretty frustrated... And that's when it first started. At first, it was just a voice in my head. A male voice, expressing negative opinions about my dad. I don't know if these were his true opinions, or if he was just repeating my own. But, regardless... Shortly after, I was imagining him by my side, with the form of Asriel Dreemurr from Undertale (probably since I'm obsessed with the character). He specifically took the form of Asriel's boss form (first phase), and was casually floating beside me.

 

I don't know whether Asriel was intentional or not. Part of me feels like he was unintentional, but the other part of me feels like maybe he was actually intentional, and that I was just so quick to make him that I didn't even give myself time to really think about it...? I have no idea. But, either way, I feel like he was created due to loneliness. At the time, I wasn't really getting along well with my family, specifically my dad, so I often just shut myself in my bedroom to avoid interaction and entertain myself with video games and the internet. But, I still enjoy having someone to talk to and keep me company. Even though I do have close friends, they can't always be there for me. They don't live with me. I won't always see them, and I won't always be able to talk to them. So, my tulpa, Asriel, might have been created as a solution to that problem. He could be the companion I wanted to have.

 

Asriel's appearance has changed a bit from when he was first created. Originally, he was black and white, like the battle sprite. But at one point, he changed to be in full color (as shown in my avatar). Even later, as I began drawing lots of pictures of Asriel, his form changed again to match my art style for the character, and would update itself if my art style for Asriel changed.

 

In terms of his personality, Asriel is very level-headed. He's incredibly calm and reasonable, and he's helped me out a lot! I tend to be a bit emotional, especially when under stress. This is a big reason why I don't get along with my dad; my dad gets upset often, and raises his voice when he's angry. So, this causes me to be upset, which only makes things worse. But Asriel has been able to keep me much calmer than I was before. Recently, there have been times where my dad would get angry and yell, and I wasn't freaking out like I normally would; instead, I was staying perfectly calm, and nicely asking him to calm down and stop yelling at me. I am almost certain that this is due to Asriel's influence.

 

Asriel and I have also tried possession. Even before I knew he was a tulpa, we've done it a few times. I still remember the first time we tried it... I was playing Nintendogs + Cats for the 3DS, and I was having trouble with the Disc Competition. I basically just asked him to guide my hand across the touch screen to make a good throw. We've done possession a few other times as well, although I forget the exact circumstances.

 

While things have been mostly positive, we have been through one rough experience near the beginning... Since my Asriel is based off of Asriel from Undertale, there were some issues that came up when I was browsing fan art of the character. While there was plenty of good art, occasionally I'd come across something... Questionable, to say the least. This was upsetting for me. Some people on the internet will just ruin anything they decide to get their hands on. Whenever I'd see an inappropriate portrayal of Asriel from Undertale, I'd get very upset. The first time it happened, I was so frustrated that I couldn't talk to my Asriel for about 4 days. Looking back on it, I'm not even sure why. It wasn't my fault, and it certainly wasn't his fault. I wasn't mad at him for it, but for some reason I felt like he was "ruined" by this online portrayal. I guess it was before I knew he was a tulpa. So, I hadn't yet realized that he was his own person, and that I should see him as being separate from THE Asriel Dreemurr from Undertale. Thankfully, I know now, and Asriel himself knows he is his own person. I still absolutely HATE it when I see inappropriate fan art of Asriel from Undertale, with people using the character for their own sick fantasies, but I won't let myself overreact in that same way again. Asriel doesn't like the bad fan art either, but he handles it a lot better than I did.

 

Despite that one incident, everything after that has been pretty good. The only problem I have is that sometimes I don't know what to say to Asriel, so things are sometimes a little quiet. But, even so, I still imagine him by my side every day, and hopefully we can continue making progress. Sorry this was a long introduction. My updates are not going to be this lengthy, since this first post was summarizing my main experiences from the months we've been together so far. Thanks for reading, and feel free to share any advice or suggestions, or ask a question if you have one.

[KarlYoshimura]

Howdy guys.

 

Sounds like you had a bit of a ruffled start, but I'm glad you both pulled through. It always lightens our hearts to see tulpas and hosts act like a little family.

 

I still get kind of upset to see rule 34/bad things relevant to my tulpa, but believe me when I say it lessens and blunts in time. Our minds are really funny like that - although there are words of caution regarding tulpas based on existing characters, your Asriel seems to have understood his own person-hood quite well. Kudos to him. On the flip-side, host-minds like our own seem to have a kind of external attachment that interferes with our tulpa relationships: I don't think it's a definite obstacle, yet the anxiety and consternation do not help matters. In either case, I like to para-phrase Full Metal Jacket: "This is my tulpa. Although there are many like her, this one is mine. My tulpa is my best friend. She is my life."

 

If either of you have questions or need help, please don't hesitate to contact me or post on forum. Cheers.