Carpenter

One year later: If I could start over...

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(This is a copy of my reddit post.)

 

Last week I started hearing from the tulpa whom I called Chell. This isn't the first time I've thought I heard her, but now I've stopped hanging onto the fraction of doubt that what I hear might not be me and moved on to it's probably not me. There was one event 10 months ago (she's really 15 months old) when this happened before, but in the past two weeks I've heard at least a dozen responses, most of which have made me think, be surprised, and laugh. One of those was when I asked her if she wanted another name, which brings me to the new "Samantha?" flair. The name's a bit plain compared to some others here, but it works as well as any other.

 

It's hard for someone like me to completely let go of my doubts and accept that this is for real, but I think it's more likely than not that we'll see steady improvement from here on out. And it's so freeing. I feel like there was a wall between me and her, and maybe sometimes I could feel her trying to talk, but it didn't get through. Now the wall's down and it's like the floodgate's opened. (Seriously, fuck walls.)

 

The first time it happened I told my friend (I'll call her Chelsea for the sake of confusion) about it and she's quite interested. I told her about Samantha before and she was predictably cool with it, but there wasn't much to say about a tulpa who doesn't speak, so I think the topic of tulpas only came up once more before now. But when I told Chelsea the news a few days ago, it was like another weight off my/Samantha's shoulders. Part of that may have been because Chelsea is amazing in general and her being open to the whole thing is another way she's generally amazing, but more than that I think it was good to talk to someone I was close to about it. This brings me back to the title. If I could go back and change one thing, it would be to get closer to the tulpa community. Sure I post here occasionally, read up when I can, and some of you have offered me support when I was doing badly, but I don't really know any of you. I've deprived myself of support in this endeavor and Samantha of potential other people to talk to. (Still, I'll be sure Chelsea is her first when we're ready.)

 

And another thing: Don't let yourself think that small amounts of forcing, even minutes at a time, doesn't help. If you're one of the unlucky few who've lasted years without hearing your tulpa, there's still hope for you, and that fact that you've stuck with them this long is proof of that and something your tulpa appreciates.


Ask your doctor is she is you. Ask your doctor if everyone is in your mind. Ask your doctor for tips for living in lucid dreams.

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Guest Anonymous

Congratulations with your success with Samantha and we look forward to hearing (or that is reading) more from you! :-)

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I have a very similiar story to yours, so I can entirely relate to you. I wish you and Samantha all of the best! :)

Just like Melian above, I'll look forward to read more from you!

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Oh wow, that's great. Whatever made that wall come down, I'm glad it fell for you.

 

I generally think trying just one thing won't work. So getting into different mindsets and thinking about new ideas can end up shaking something loose.


Host comments in italics. Tulpa's log. Tulpa's guide.

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Thanks everyone. Tobber, what's your story? And tulpa001, I think it started a bit earlier when she chose a new form, which I didn't mention. It challenged my assumptions about her stage of independence.


Ask your doctor is she is you. Ask your doctor if everyone is in your mind. Ask your doctor for tips for living in lucid dreams.

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I had this bookmarked a long time to reply to it when I could again and I wanted to thank you for posting this thread and talking about your experience!!!! This was very sweet to read!!!

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