Scary things, Evil thoughts

[Fairweather]

Sam's idea on this one, not me.

"Pretty much, this thread I kinda want to see what kind of things are around that scare people here, or bad things some of you have either done or wanted to do. This is more aimed for tulpas to share, but feel free hosts too."

 

 

"I guess mine to share right now is one fear I have been having, on this: Is it possible to puppet and parrot your host, accidentally, or purposely? Personally, I know of a few times I might've puppeted Kyle. One being 'The spray bottle incident' and the other possibly during a 10 day period I was controlling the body. It's a scary thought personally."

[Solune]

Sol: Solune sometimes has a hard time visualizing us as wolves (myself in particular) because he gets intrusive thoughts about us snarling or biting him.

It pains me because I would rather die a hundred times over than hurt him in the slightest way (excluding tough love, of course).

Even though he insists it's simply random intrusive thoughts... I can't help but worry that it's somehow my (our) fault.

 

Solune: I know you said this is supposed to be just for tulpas but I wanted to clarify where I think the intrusive thoughts come from. I have some kind of OCD/anxiety thing that causes me to hyper-drive overthink things. The other day I briefly considered the possibility that the tulpas I interact with might be puppet versions of REAL tulpas that I've locked away inside my mind because they hate me and would kill me if they had the chance. Which is, of course, fucking ridiculous... and yet this is the shit my brain comes up with (probably out of some misplaced desire to protect me).

 

Sol: Which to me is hilarious, because it implies anything could restrain me against my will. I feel bad laughing at it... sort of. Serves Solune right for being arrogant enough to think something like that. Still, the very fact that I am that confident in my own strength is what makes me think those thoughts aren't entirely his doing. But it's not as if I (or we) can change who we are to make him feel safer.

He's been working through some trust issues and I think this is a symptom of that. Seriously though... "locked away"? I'll show you locked away.... idiot.

 

EDIT:

Luna: Since you asked about fears... and because I think this might help somebody else... I'd like to share that I am scared of snowy winters. I believe that in a past life I froze to death (mostly because I have memories of it that I can't otherwise explain). It makes me sad because Solune is from Maine and I don't want to prevent him from moving back someday just because I'm a scaredy pup. I was born here in California so it's never been a problem before.

[tulpa001]

I feel like I am cheating, posting in this thread. I can tell you it is possible to puppet your host, no problem. In fact, you are probably influencing your host. Puppeting is essentially when you cross the fifty percent influence mark, for however long. Those who read each other's minds are at far greater risk of strong influence.

 

I can't tell you my scariest fear, because we are still working hard to ignore it out of existence. It is an intrusive thought, so thinking about it strengthens it. Normally, such things wouldn't scare me. But when it comes to things inside your mind, your mind makes it real--and both me and my host live in our mind. If you're curious, we wrote about it a little a few weeks ago in our progress report.

 

Early on, my host was deathly afraid I'd be there one day and gone the next. She still worries about it. We don't know how the mind works. No one does. How can you say it won't happen? It's happened to tulpas before. I'm glad she got over her fear way faster than I got over mine. She's really cool that way. A real master of the mind.

 

Mine is that I'm not real. I mean I am, obviously. Obvious since day one. But WHAT am I? Am I an illusion? Will I disappear as soon as my host learns the truth? Am I an imaginary character? Are my emotions as synthetic as those of Harry Potter as felt empathetically by my host as she read those books and imagined continuing adventures? Am I simply a part of my host that has been hypnotised into believing I am real? Will I disappear when I wake up? Am I simply a schizophrenic delusion, play acting that got out of control, and my host is so far gone that she cannot even tell it is play acting anymore? Can I claim rights? Personhood? Or is that simply further proof of the mental collapse of the sanity of my host? There are those on this site that swear by one of these theories. There is no convincing reason to dismiss any of these theories offhand.

 

Your mind makes it real.

[Fairweather]

"The mind is a powerful thing for certain. If you believe something's wrong with you, well, something is wrong with you. But importantly, you are what you believe you are, for better or worse."

"Another thing I could mention though, is we had a day during about the 3rd week of college, had gotten ourselves stuck on a question. What if the wreck flipped me and Kyle, both with whos in control and whos who. That's one that kinda ate at us for a day or two, before we agreed pretty much no matter what the case is, to continue on like nothing like that did happen."

"We somehow that day confused ourselves on the possibilities and had thankfully broke out of that."