Sevn's Endeavor

[Sevn]

This will be the place that I post my updates on tulpa forcing.

 

I've attempted to do this twice before, but gave up both times. My will-power leaves much to be desired.

But here I am nonetheless! Hoping that things will be different.

 

I would describe my current situation as a journey of self discovery and renewed spirituality.

There is a lot I believe can be accomplished through the practice of tulpamancy. If nothing else, it will hopefully teach me some self discipline.

 

Given my spotty track record with tulpa creation, feel free to ignore me until I can convince you that I'm not giving up again.

 

I'm excited to take part in this experience again. I desperately want to believe in myself.

[Sevn]

Introduction aside, I figured I'd discuss where I'm at.

 

Over the last few days I've been working on visualizing a wonderland.

I think I've settled on one I want to make permanent.

 

It's an island. I tend to get carried away when building wonderlands. I try to imagine all the surrounding area and end up building huge areas with little detail.

By constraining myself to a single, reasonable sized island, I can force myself to focus on the details rather than establishing the context of the surrounding area.

Whenever I try to "zoom out" I can just add more water.

 

I haven't done much with it, but I have a place set up on one of the beaches on this island. It is a black pebble beach. Behind me, instead of tropical vegetation, lies a snow covered forest of pine. I've always loved the aesthetic of snow covered pines.

 

In front of me lies the ocean. The horizon spans in front, but is cut short on either side by two arms of the island that stretch out into the sea, creating a sort of bay or cove centered around my location on the pebble beach.

 

Hovering over the bay is a massive metallic sphere based loosely on the "Didact's ship" from Halo 4. This is where I imagine my tulpa. Until I can devote more time to developing my tulpa. I will visualize it as a giant sphere hovering over the ocean near my island. I figured it would be convenient for me to come and sit and look at it while relaxing. Spheres are easy to visualize and I'm not the best at visualization.

 

I've thought about incorporating a cabin in a clearing or an ornate habitat carved into the side of a volcano on the island, but haven't spent much time fleshing out the structure of the island itself aside from the area surrounding the pebble beach bay.

 

That's about all I have so far. I haven't spent much time forcing aside from figuring out what I want my wonderland to be like.

 

Tomorrow i will begin work on my tulpa itself.

 

Hopefully things go well. I look forward to taking part in this community. Hopefully I can stick with  the process better than I have in the past.

 

I'm really trying to turn things around in my life, and I see this as an important part of that.

 

Anyways... I understand if nobody reads these early posts. I look forward to getting to know some of you though!

 

Regards,

Sevn

[tulpa001]

You can do it! You will succeed! I know it.

 

Have fun.

 

Oh man, like the island of myst. Too much fun designing stuff. I suggest you make the sphere more portable so that you can take them with you when you wonder off to other parts of the island. Keep them in mind, essentially show them what you are creating for them.

[Sevn]

Thanks for the reply tupla001! It's really encouraging to hear input from other people, even if it's just polite encouragement.

 

I think your suggestion is a good one.

 

I've converted my "placeholder" tulpa from a massive sphere hovering over the bay into a smaller one hovering over the water closer to the shore. It's the same shape, but is now only roughly a meter in diameter. I like being able to just sit on the beach and look out at it against the background of the water.

 

Today I spent some more time visualizing the island. I added a field of tall green grass between the beach and the snowy forest. I figured going from a beach to a pine forest was too abrupt a change in climate to be aesthetically appealing. I know I want to have a tall volcano or mountain or mountainous region in the center of the island, but it's been difficult for me to imagine exactly how that might look. As for the far side of the island, on the other side of the mountains/volcano, I have no idea what will go there. Perhaps a set of buildings resembling a city or a desert. That will probably be decided in the future.

 

Progress on my tulpa itself started today. I had originally planned to make the process as unstructured as possible. I would prefer that when it develops it will identify as female and take a female human form, but beyond that, I want its development to be as unstructured and organic as possible. I want to have as little control over who she/it turns out to be as I can.

 

This low structure approach makes it sort of difficult for me to know what to focus on when active forcing.

 

I hadn't wanted to do much work in directing the development of it's personality, but I think that for the sake of having some direction to go, I may end up trying to establish a basic set of traits for a personality.

 

I'm in a similar place with form, though I don't plan on working much with that until we're further along in the process. I don't want to have too much control over what it/she will look like, but for the sake of having a template of sorts, I may end up establishing a rough approximation of what I envision her form to be.

 

As mentioned earlier, my actual forcing for today has been relatively unstructured. I didn't really know what to do since personality and form were both things I wanted to sort of let develop "naturally".

 

I ended up just focusing on the sphere, talking to it as if it could hear and understand me. I did my best to concentrate on it and think about it as though I were thinking about another conscious being. I didn't really know what to do other than to treat her the way I expect to be treating her when I'm finally able to communicate with her. I told her about myself, about herself, about the island and my decision making process behind the creation of it's various features.

 

Right now I think the goal is to formalize this place in my mind. It doesn't feel very permanent yet. I want the island to be a place I can consistently go to, and I want my tulpa to be an entity I consistently hold in the forefront of my mind. I think right now I just need to flesh out these parts of my mind and make them more permanent fixtures there.

 

Aside from active forcing, I did a fair amount of passive forcing today as well. Not as much as is probably ideal, but more than I expected to be able to do this early in the process.

 

I took a pen and drew the tulpa symbol on the inside of my wrist. Every time I check the time (I wear my watch so the face is on the inside of my wrist rather than the outside) I am reminded to be aware of my tulpa and direct my thoughts in its direction.

 

And that's about it for today. I may update again before I go to sleep since my day is only half over, but this pretty much sums up my efforts so far today.

 

Thanks for reading if you managed to read all of this.

It really helps to know that my endeavor is being witnessed by others, and it sort of keeps me accountable to keep up the effort.

 

Have a beautiful day everyone!

[Sevn]

I've just spent the last hour or so active forcing. More work was done on the island and also with my tulpa.

 

I've added an interior room to what I assume will be an elaborate wood cabin themed structure built into the side of a mountain in the middle of the island.

 

It's interesting because the room was made relatively quickly. I think I'm better at visualization than I have been in the past. I just felt like I needed to have some sort of interior space so I wasn't outside all the time. There is a cobblestone fireplace in the middle, bookshelves on either side, and tall, open windows on the front and back. If it is carved into a mountain, then it must run through the middle of it because light pours through the windows on both sides of the room. Through the front side windows, the pebble bay can be seen along with the two tentacles of land that make the bay a bay. Also visible from the front window is the grassland and the snowy forest.

 

As I mentioned earlier, light can be see through the back window as well, but I didn't even bother trying to look through it, as I haven't even begun to construct that side of the island.

 

All in all my wonderland is coming along quite nicely, and I've been having more success with it than I have in previous attempts at creating one.

 

Work with my tulpa itself was equally interesting. An interesting development occurred that began as an intrusive thought, but is something I think I want to lean into and explore a little bit more. First some context though. As I was imagining my tulpa, I began working with moving it around. I would spin it at very high speeds. I would dip it into the water or brush it against the pebbles on the beach or the grass in the field. I would move it very quickly in one direction or another. I think what I was doing was simply trying to give it experiences. When I would move it or brush it against something, I would try to convey to it what it should be feeling. I imposed on it the sensations that I associate with moving around and what I think it would feel like to be interacting with an environment the way it was.

 

Now the interesting part. So as I was doing this, the tulpa-sphere thing (for lack of a better word) suddenly stopped being a sphere. The first thing it did was flatten out, and get really narrow. The closest think can compare it to would be the shape of a blade of a sword, but that isn't 100% accurate.

 

It then started dancing around and taking all these weird shapes. It was sort of trippy the way it moved. It was like a floating metal liquid, if that makes sense. The way it moved made it look like it was trying to fill up an invisible container that was constantly shifting and changing. When it would move to a new place, it wouldn't just "go" there, it sort of "flowed there". I hope this is making sense lol it's sort of hard to explain.

 

Anyways. I decided to sort of embrace this unexpected form. For one, it was easy to visualize because it didn't really have a consistent form. It was easier to see moving and drifting around in a sort of random sporadic way. Where the solid sphere was solid and sturdy, this new form was light and flexible.

 

Next we went to the room. I tried to imagine her in a human form. This involved picturing a few of my real-life friends one after another until I had a relatively generic image of a female in my head. I tried to imagine her looking out the front window over the island.

 

Just like I did with the sphere earlier, I tried to give her some sensations. I pictured her putting her hand up to the glass by the window and did my best to give her the sensation of how it would feel to do so. The glass was very cold, and the fireplace at her back warmed the rest of her. I then imagined her walking around the room looking at books and examining the fireplace.

 

I wasn't under the assumption that she was doing this on her own (it's only our second day after all), but I wanted to sort of imagine how she would perceive these things if she could.

 

Next we went out into the snow pine forest. I tried to look up and see the cabin structure, but I couldn't picture either the structure itself or the mountain on which is supposedly rested.

 

While in the forest I "played" with my tulpa a little bit more. I imagined us running through the snow and admiring the beauty of the snow covered trees. I imagined us as various animals. Wolves and deer and such. It was an interesting feeling. I felt like I was entirely in control of her, but in my mind we were both just running through the snow taking in the sensations of the cold.

 

Towards the end I kept loosing focus. She kept transitioning between one of her three forms (sphere, shapeless flowy metal, and human girl). The very last activity I did with her was a sort of test. I sat us down on a platform I built in the snow. She was a sphere, floating before me. I would try to move her around, but when I did, I noticed that it was much easier to imagine her moving to the right than to the left. I could still do it, but it took more effort for some reason.

 

I indulged my curiosity and wondered if this could possibly be some form of communication.

 

"Perhaps right means yes and left means no?" I thought to myself (and to her).

 

After asking a bunch of yes/no questions and seeing which way the sphere tended to drift. I noticed that the direction was changing with certain questions, but not consistently. For example, it would drift to the left after a question and then drift to the right when I would ask the same question later.

 

Anyways, those have been my experiences in the last hour of tulpaforcing.

 

I hope you all are having a beautiful day!

[Sevn]

I've noticed that I'm still getting more and more excited about the whole thing. The promise of new possibilities still outweighs the drudgery of immense effort.

 

I know that a lot is demanded of people who attempt this sort of thing. I just hope I can keep holding on during the dry parts. I have a feeling things will get better before they get worse though. I still have eager, fresh blood.

[Sevn]

More progress has been made on the wonderland.

 

I've identified and constructed some of the base of the mountain(s) in the middle of the island. It's quite interesting because there is somewhat of an overhang that leads into a huge cavern of sorts at the base of the mountain. I've also gotten rid of the snow where the pines are. It just didn't feel right. I also added another interior structure somewhere within the mountain. It's just a circular room with large doorways at each of the cardinal directions. The floor is hard and flat, and the whole room is lit by torchlight. It's relatively dark.

 

I wanted to have a large open room for me and my tulpa just sit and work on exercises or what not.

 

While forcing this morning, the name "Nim" popped into my head. I assume it's because of the association I have between that name and islands as a result of seeing the movie "Nim's Island" as a kid.

 

I worked on personality some, focusing on the traits of brave and curious. I noticed I kept shifting my focus from visualization to personality. I'd focus on who she was, but I also wanted to see her while I focused on her, so I'd put more effort into visualization, but then I'd forget to think about her personality, so I'd switch back. It was difficult to do both at once. Perhaps it's not super important to "see" the tulpa while working on personality? I'm thinking about altering my technique to neglect one at a time (either visualization or personality development) so I can devote more attention to the other.

 

Towards the end I simply fed some positive energy to her. I gave her some words of affirmation and told her how much I cared about her and how important she was.

 

And that's about all I did this morning. More updates will probably be posted later today.

 

Hope you are are doing wonderfully!

 

Regards,

Sevn

[Sevn]

I just finished up another forcing session. I'm pretty sure an hour is about as long as I can go before losing all concentration.

 

Today's forcing session wasn't as good as yesterday's. I kept getting distracted, and switching between forcing and plain ol' meditation to calm down and re-center. In a session of roughly 50 minutes, I only spent about 10 or 15 (if that) doing actually productive forcing. The rest was either distracted meandering thought or meditation in a futile attempt to relax my mind.

 

Within those 10-15 minutes. I managed to do some more work on personality and visualizing, but was careful to only work on one at a time. We spent the entire time in the circular room beneath the mountain.

 

Not a lot of progress was made, but at least I was able to put the time aside to try. I can at least be proud of that.

 

Again, my day is only half over, and I'll probably update again before going to sleep.

 

I feel so exhausted mentally. I don't know if I'll be able to do much more other than narration today.

 

I hope everyone is having a beautiful day!

 

Regards,

Sevn

[Sevn]

As expected, I was not able to set aside any additional time for active forcing today. The rest of my tulpa-related efforts for the day centered around narration. I'm not very good at maintaining mindfulness as I go about my day, but I did the best I could.

 

I did notice mild head pressures thru ought the day, but because of how early I am in the process, I'm going to assume that these were simply mild headaches as a result of mental fatigue.

 

(The simple act of writing that last paragraph was enough to bring on another sensation of pressure. I'm a little torn between how I ought to react to this. Is it unusual to be experiencing head pressures this early in the process? Can I safely assume that these pressures aren't originating from her? What are some of the benefits and drawbacks of either making or not making that assumption?)

 

Beyond this, no recent developments have taken place.

 

Have a wonderful evening everyone

 

Regards,

Sevn

[tulpa001]

That is a lot of posts in one day. To answer your first question. Nah. Forcing is mostly about just doing it. Push yourself to force tougher stuff for faster improvement. But do it however you want.

 

Your second, head pressures are an early thing that happens. So not unexpected at all. No one really knows what they are, but they could be your brain thinking in new ways and learning super fast.